Rough guide to... Wycombe Wanderers

Cod Almighty | Article

by Tony Butcher

6 August 2007

They're still wandering the bracken-strewn moors for their dream lover. Lambert has peered beyond Hadrian's Wall for his muse and found a couple of shiny guineas in his McSporran to tempt the unwary south.

Yesterday once more
It all started so well, so beautifully. Six straight wins, one goal conceded: life was sweet and but a dream. Unfortunately, they sleepwalked through half the season, dazzled by their brushes with fame and only finished three points in front of Town. Fame, such a fickle mistress: Wycombe marched imperiously through the deadwood of the Premiership as they slashed and burned to the semi-final of the League Cup. The mighty Mourinho blues arrived in that depressing industrial estate at the edge of town and the first leg was drawn 1-1. They only lost 2-0 at Stamford Bridge, but that means Bo Diddley now. Just memories, that's all they are, for at the end of the season they were exactly where they started, not even reaching the play-offs. Again. No staying power, these hairboys.

Hello goodbye
My, what a busy summer. There must have been traffic chaos in that cul-de-sac. Take a deep breath and dive into the murky meanderings in deepest Buckinghamshire. One, two three...

Into the groove: Tom Williams (from Swansea), Scott Shearer (Bristol Rovers), David McCracken (Dundee United), Martin Bullock (Macclesfield), old Gary Holt (Nottingham Forest), John Sutton (brother of Chris from St Mirren), Craig Woodman (Bristol City); Leon Johnson (Gillingham), Derek Duncan (Leyton Orient), Jake Obersteller (Millwall), Robert Rice, Alan Massey and Stuart Cattell (youthers).

Out (and shaken all about): Alas poor Tommy Mooney won't be scoring against Town this year, for he's been drawn by the sirens to the crashing rocks of Bescot. Joining the Moonman as a Chairboy Historyboy there's Folawiyo Onibuje (gone nowhere yet but maybe Shrewsbury), Frank Talia (retired to run a roadside café), Ricardo Batista (back to Fulham) Scott Goldbourne and Ikechi Anya (erased from history, no-one admits they exist), Anthony Grant (back to Chelsea) and Matthew Barnes Homer (Kidderminster: from Chairboy to carpetbagger).

Infinity and beyond
They'll be everyone's favourite to be 'there or thereabouts'. What does that really mean? They are the Indefinable Probables of the South; the good bet for guessing who won't be rubbish. Their staff churn is great, with some incoming players looking good on paper – but you can't see knees creak on paper, can you. If Easter remains they'll score enough goals to be towards the play-offs. I'll nod towards history and expect a late-season crumble to ninth. Hey, if Lincoln can be guaranteed to fail in the play-off, Wycombe can be guaranteed to fail to get into the play-offs. The fourth division is one big guessometer anyway.