Cod Almighty | Article

by Miles Moss

3 August 2006

What is there that hasn't already been said about John McDermott? Well, he was born in Kazakhstan. He holds the world record for holding clothes pegs in one hand. And when he was five years old he accidentally swallowed a small plastic German stormtrooper which remains lodged in his stomach to this day. There we go: none of that has ever been said about Macca before. Of course, none of it is true, but you can't have everything.

Macca's CV is very short. It says: "Name: Macca. School: Middlesbrough. Jobs: footballer for Grimsby Town." And that's it. Next year he might need to start a new paragraph... but then again, that's what we thought last year.

My first Grimsby match was in 1979, but it feels to me as if John McDermott has been there forever. It's going to feel odd when he really does stop playing for the Mariners. Curiously, Macca is already listed among the other'past players' on the official site - a short biog which appears to have been written some 200 appearances ago. That must have been one of the five-minute periods he actually thought of looking for a new job.

In the words of Cod Almighty match reporter Tony Butcher, Macca tackles without defending. Oh no, hang on, that's Ben Futcher. Macca defends without tackling. It's like Darth Vader choking without touching. And he's not afraid of running off down the wing to get in a cross, too. Macca, I mean, not Darth Vader.

In 21 years at Blundell Park, I don't think McDermott's ever been booed by those cockheads who single out every other Town player at one time or another for their vitriol merely because their own lives are empty and their bellies too full of beer. In Grimsby, praise doesn't come much higher than that.