Cod Almighty | Article

by Miles Moss

8 August 2006

Hartlepool? Who might they be?
A pretty typical lower-league club. Around about a hundred years old, Hartlepool have spent their entire history in the bottom two flights. Since 1990, they've been through two promotions and two relegations, and suffered some serious financial problems which threatened to kill them off completely before being rescued by a local businessman. From a local population of around 90,000, the home attendance averages 5,000, and this may fall if they're not doing so well. Sounds fairly familiar, eh. Want more 0607/comparisons? Pools' blue and white stripes have been replaced this season by a similar is-it-big-stripes-or-is-it-halves? shirt like ours.

If the above makes 'the Pools' sound run of the mill, here are some more unusual nuggets: Hartlepool gave Brian Clough his first management job in 1965; Victoria Park – which has been the club's only home – had the crap bombed out of it by a German Zeppelin in 1916; and apparently, right,apparently Meat Loaf is a Pools fan. Yeah, right, and the people of Hartlepool elected a monkey to be their mayor. They did? Oh, um. OK.

Last season
The two seasons before last season, Pools finished in the third flight play-offs; consequently, last season was a bit of a surprise. They never got above 12th, and ended up being relegated. Which, of course, is why they're included in this fourth division preview.

Last season started badly, two wins in their first nine games leaving them in top relegation spot by mid-October. Two weeks and three consecutive league wins later, though, and they were in the top half, just. That was to be the high point, and by the turn of the year they'd slipped to 16th: low, but seemingly safe. However, in the last 11 matches they could manage only one win and they just couldn't escape the bottom four; they almost let Milton Keynes escape the drop by losing to them, the fools!

Away from the league, Hartlepool lost to Charlton in the League Cup – no shame there – and to Tamworth in the FA Cup. Oh dear.

Anticipate with relish
Beating them 7-0 again! Ha ha! Yeah! Just like we did, ahem, incough1952cough. Look, they might have hammered us a couple of years ago, but overall we've scored way more goals against them than they have against us. And Ziggy says that statistically there's a 76.19 per cent chance of Town winning the match at Blundell Park. So there.

Anticipate with dread
Um... conceding eight goals in one match? Sorry, was I not supposed to mention that again? Whatever the score, perhaps the dread is of the long journey home down the east coast. Ah, sod it – stop off in Whitby and make something of your weekend.

Striker Adam Boyd, who had been at Hartlepool since he was five years old, and scored 60 goals in 159 starts, decided in the summer that it was time to move on, and has joined Leeds' Michael Reddy at Luton. So he won't be scoring against us. Ha! However, this clears the way for law-of-the-ex Jon Daly to get a run in the side. He had no opportunity to do so last season, of course... until they loaned him out to Bury, and then, like, he scored against us. The bugger. Hopefully he won't be another Tommy Mooney type, scoring against us in various different shirts.

The way forward
Who knows? More bouncing up and down the bottom two divisions, probably, like every other club of this ilk. It's all in the hands of the gods. A good cup run here, a bad set of injuries there; a star player who wants to leave, a youth teamer who makes the grade. They all make the difference between a good season and a bad one. Oh I don't know! Eighth.