A Hyding to nothing

Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

28 April 2014

Grimsby 1 Hyde 0It rained. There were 20 of them. There were more of us. We turned up, what more do you want?

Town lined up in a 4-4-2 formation as follows: McKeown, Hatton, Deputy Doig, Boyce, Thomas, Neilson, Thanoj, Kerr, McLaughlin, John-Lewis and Hannah. The supply teachers were McDonald, Fyfield, Colbeck, Tounkara and Cook. No further words required.

Hyde. Wore a lovely deep blue kit and were all very young and small looking. It was raining harder; would it be raining in your heart?

First half: A blue moon on Monday
Town kicked off towards the Osmond Stand. It's been a long, long, long time since Town didn't hit it long, long, long. Oh the longing for belonging to the Football League. How long has this been going on?

When I say long, I mean hoof, obviously. Town hoof very obviously. Miserable weather, miserable game.

Hannah chased, Hannah chased, Hannah chased again, cut in, and tickled against the orange and tan keeper. Oh, woe and woe, but Lennie the looper was free. Why-oh-why didn't he pass to the unmarked John-Lewis? The clues are there, you don't have to phone a friend.

Hyde kept pootling around with their strange obsession with passing the football along the ground to each other. And moving while they did so, No wonder they got relegated by Christmas. Shots, saves by McKeown. Pah, amateurs. You don't get anywhere in football by shooting.

Hannah chased, Hannah gently dinked agin' the post. So Boyce kept heading over. So? So? So-so.

And the trippers were happy to tippy-tappy through the tulips. They nearly scored too. Actually they nearly scored one, but you know what I mean.

You can be proud of the way Town were holding Hyde at bay.

Second half: smoke gets in your eyes
Neither team made any changes at half time.

The game was played entirely in the Hyde half. They got into Town's penalty area once. A free kick, wafted wide. This was devoid of jeopardy. It was all about Town's incapabilities.

Hoof and hope, hope the roof doesn't fall in. An occasional cross, an occasional able

would pose more threat. Is anyone bothered? John-Lewis surging and swerving fully nine hundred yards wide. And off he went. To mass relief. On came Tounkara. Ah, and Colbeck replaced Thomas. The anonymous goatman retreated to left back and the chubby charmer pootled over from the right, vacating space for Joltin' Joe, our hero.

Tounkara swayed form the left, curled to the right and Kettings announced his intentions to parry, tipping spectacularly over. Tounkara swayed and headed over. Ebbing away to nothing, the hoof of today.

Tonka Boy flicked on the right, Hannah chased and scuttled infield, flabbergasting low inside Ketting's nearest post. About time something happened. That's that then, sorted.

There was nothing else as Town hung on against Hyde. The mouse that roared into the play offs.