Cod Almighty | Diary
That P60 has got to be here somewhere
30 January 2015
Retro Diary writes: Well, Crystal Palace had 'Wright and Bright' – now meet 'Ollie and Jolley'. It's a pity Palmer's Eastleigh winner wasn't a volley – I could have done a limerick. When we were traipsing disconsolately out of the Park just after Christmas trying to avoid the attentions of gloating Lincoln fans, how could we have known how keen, talented and youthfully belligerent our forward line would look just a month later? So is this rhyming couplet the one to shoot us to glory?
It's been a funny season so far, feeling in many ways worse than it is. We're doing just enough to beat most teams. But the margin of superiority is sufficiently small that you still can't watch without your arse cheeks clenched, and the last five minutes of a game are often unbearable. Tuesday seemed a little more assured, and it somehow feels like a corner has been turned.
Although good news is of an altogether more modest order these days, the two signings this week look intelligent ones, and have certainly imparted some positivity around the place. When interviewed about his new recruits Hursty looked like the cat that got the milk, and I think we'd all agree that after a fine week's work he can allow himself a couple of deep breaths and a half of shandy.
Of course we can't rely on lottery wins every week, so money wasted now is wasted forever. The lucky and generous Mullens might be about to find out that £50k doesn't go very far in football. If things don't go quite to plan, this amount could easily disappear paying up the contracts of crocks and slackers. Having said that, if we were truly such a small amount of money away from a league-winning charge, it might transpire that this trifle was the best thing ever put on a plate.
Tomorrow we have a great chance to consolidate our position when we welcome to Blundell Park that enigma which is AFC Telford United. Nobody seems to be mentioning the weather, although it doesn't look too clever down my road; I'll stop worrying about it for now.
Why are Telford an enigma? Well, for a town that has never had a League football team, Telford is huge. It's more than twice the size of its more successful footballing rival Shrewsbury – indeed, in population terms Telford is worth 1.3 Grimsby-and-Cleethorpses and a whopping 2.1 Premier League Burnleys. In addition, Telford has on its doorstep the vast West Midlands conurbation from which it can tap a ready supply of schoolboy prodigies, loanees and injury-prone maestros, who can turn out without having to move house.
So why have Telford underachieved so badly? Their ground is OK, and their attendances rank 11th in the division despite the team having won only two out of sixteen home games.
As is so often the case, the telltale AFC prefix is indicative of a spell on the naughty step. Ten years ago, financial collapse and subsequent three-division relegation turned out to count for next to nothing as the reconstituted Telford quickly regained lost ground. Since then they have yo-yoed uncomfortably between the sixth and fifth tiers, seemingly always too good for one, but never good enough for the other. Again this year they are bottom of the fifth tier.
Having said that, at the moment they seem more likely to survive than Nuneaton, who sit immediately above them. Not only do they have games in hand and a better goal difference, but they have undergone an astonishing change in fortunes in recent weeks, after the appointment of Steve Kittrick as manager. A four-nil Trophy defeat to Fylde wasn't as bad as it looked, with Fylde sitting comfortably top of the division below, and having previously won nine in a row. Apart from that, Telford have scored ten goals in their last three away games, including a 4-0 annihilation of Wrexham.
Having lost momentum in midweek with a tightly contested one-nil home defeat to Halifax, Telford are now in the position where draws are no good to them. So there's no need to worry about them forming a human barricade along the six-yard line and whacking it towards the corners for 90 minutes. Hopefully we can find enough quality tomorrow to compound their misery. But in the long term, when Telford finally put a good team together, one feels they could really storm up the leagues.
For them, our alumnus Jonathan Hedge is in goal. It seems the pivotal Sean Clancy is not quite ready after a long lay-off, but McDonald, Platt and Hancock are returned. For us, Scott Brown and JP are out, but everyone else is available. The Telegraph today reports that a decision from Mansfield on whether we can keep Palmer is imminent.
In a game like this the 'old' Town would have misfired its way to a neurotic draw. But relax – this is the beginning of the next chapter: 'Return to Domination'. There are offers galore again, making season ticket holders feel like they needn't have bothered, but if we win I'm sure they won't care. Weapons are again allowed in, so if you haven't taken anybody's eye out with that flag yet, now's your chance.
Next week: if you won £4.8 million, how much would you give to Town?