Match stats: Grimsby v Telford United

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Tuesday 24 February 2015

Conference Premier

Grimsby Town 1 Arnold (47)

Telford United 0

Attendance: 3047 (6 away fans)

Mini Report

Home again. Deflation after Beemen capital-elation.

First half: Tired and unemotional

The game started, Telfordians tackled each other five yards out, Magnay swept the kitchen floor clean.

Slow, slow, slow, slow. Over the bar, under the bar, let's go to the bar: mine's a pint of Night Nurse. Lennie hit the keeper, Jolley wellied against the keeper. And a packet of cheese and onion crisps please.

Clay clipped, Arnold whipped, Halls flipped aside. No, I don't like peanuts.

I met a man in a purple tie. He didn't look happy. Then again, he was inside Blundell Park watching the wheels on the blunderbus go round and round.

Second half: Tired of waiting

Passing, persistence: no Lennies involved. Dizzer dinked, Robertson winked and Arnold nicked and licked at the near post.

Lennie free, Lennie tinkled against yellow legs.

Lennie turned himself inside out, Lennie burned against the crossbar.

Lennie offside, play waved on. Yellow legs passed to Lennie. Lennie messed and missed.

Lennie, oh Lennie, why is it always Lennie?

Robertson roamed, Robertson rolled. Lennie levered over the bar from three yards. Lennie stayed on, Jolley jalloped off, Pittman just couldn't be bothered to move. Why bother when they are doing Buck all.

Jamie Mack scooped after a wayward waft, folding like a napkin. Jamie Mack passed to some anonymous electric bustler. Pathetic befuddlement followed befuddling patheticment.

We're trying hard to fail, but it's just impossible. Town failed to fail. You can go now.

Sponsors' man of the match: Carl Magnay

If in doubt the answer is Oscar Wilde, Winston Churchill, William Shakespeare or Carl Magnay. The chippy shoppers had no doubts.

Cod Almighty man of the match: Gregor Robertson

Toto was not loco, and Arnold was a fitful frightener of the failing ailers, but some delightful positioning, unobtrusive blocking and curly crossing leads all sane starship troopers and Pontoon droopers to lean towards Gregor Robertson. He can deal with amiably ambling amateurs.

Our gaffer says

"We dominated the game and should have won by more. That's my criticism to the players. We missed a lot of chances. That's something we've got to do better. We won't always get away with that and perhaps haven't done at times this season."

More on this

Their gaffer says

"For 20 minutes we did alright and then in the last 25 minutes, it was all them and we defended really well. But we switched off for the first couple of minutes in the second half."

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You have to be there to miss 'em. Lennie is always there to miss 'em.

What a tediously shoddy snore this was, but at least it was a tediously shoddy groundbased snore-a-thon. No long ball nonsense tonight, just a nonsense, nonsense, nonsense half-paced perfunctory training session where everyone wants to go to the café for a sausage sandwich.

Jamie Mack was so bored his brain melted.

The better Townites were in defence; the rest were varying shades of grey. A hatful of hollow laughter greeted the succession of striking sloppiness and shonkyness, for Town avoided winning by decades.

Town could have gone home to watch Grand Designs and those terrible Tellers would still have avoided shooting vaguely goalwards. It was impossible to avoid victory, but Town tried very hard by barely trying: it was very trying to watch.


The Shropshire Bads are super-bottom for a reason; they are just weaker everywhere at everything. They are this year's Hyde.

The passing Bucks tapped the ball around for a few minutes but created nothing of note. They tackled each other to clear their only chance. There's nothing worth saying so I won't waste your time or mine finding ways to be snottily superior and condescending.

They're going down now. They may be gone for some time.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

Mass narcolepsy after the lord mayor's show.

Official warning

Mr R Wigglesworth (W Mids)

What a tremendous little lad he was, irresistibly rational and allowing advantage when appropriate (when Town attacked). He saw through Smith's role-playing and was sensibly accommodating of some Magnayficent warrior tackles. What a guy, what a score. What score? 8.04.

Readers' digest

Back to Blundell Park, back to normal, but back-to-back wins.

In a word: deflating


Town: McKeown; Magnay, Pearson, Nsiala, Robertson; Mackreth, Clay (Brown 72), Disley, Arnold; Jolley (Pittman 72), John-Lewis

Subs not used: Hannah, Parslow, Watson

Telford United: Hall, Disney, Byrne, Sharps, McLaughlin, Grogan (Clancy 61), Ventre, Rea (Poku 66), Gray, Smith (Matthews 61), Dyer

Subs not used: Farrell, Preston

Booked: Gray, Sharps, Ventre