Cod Almighty | Diary
The one with the coelacanth
17 September 2015
It's tricky being a Grimsby fan in Devon.
Proper local matches down here are few and far between. Plymouth, Exeter and Yeovil too have all opted to stay in the Football League for a little while longer rather than join us and Torquay in the Conference. So we either sit and wait, hoping for convenient cup ties against one or two of those nearby teams or we look a little further afield for a local-ish game.
Kidderminster (158 miles) was less than three hours' drive for some fellow fans and me. Cheltenham (122 miles) and Forest Green (a mere 114 miles) are also in that area of the West Country. I'd like to think that Town will be well out of the Conference before the reformed Hereford FC make it to the fifth tier – but with the gate for their first game back in the Midland Football League pipped only by Tranmere in non-League football they really do look likely to progress. C'mon you (new) Bulls!
Has anyone ever mapped the location of Town fans? The Mariners Trust probably has a good idea based on the contributions to Operation Promotion (remember that?), but that will only be the active or online fans. What about the luddites and the lapsed? Where are they? How far from the tree have they fallen?
I'm guessing that there aren't too many of us in Devon. We managed a full car to Kiddy on the first day of the season as I joined three fully fledged followers (plus a girlfriend) from Barnstaple. I've also have discovered via the wonder that is Twitter that I live just up the road from another Mariner and I can probably count my girlfriend Tracey as a fan now after taking her to the Torquay game the other week. I've heard rumour of another fellow exile in Bideford too but this is yet to be confirmed.
I apologise if this reads a little like reports of a mythical brontosaurus in the Congo or a coelacanth being discovered at an Indonesian fish market, but slowly, surely our pocket of support is growing. Next month I'll be taking my kids to Plainmoor for their first game. Two kids = two more fans. We're not far off hiring a minibus for trips now, are we?
What we really struggle with in Devon is our remoteness from our hometown and the atmosphere at Blundell Park. The crowd at Blundell Park is a funny thing and quite, quite different from Town's travelling support. The Mariners on Tour have been packing the away ends of many a Conference ground. And apart from the odd dissenting voice here and there, the optimism and positivity of the travelling fans mixed with those exiled fans dotted round the country are almost tangible. As the locals of Kidderminster, Boreham Wood and more will attest, the Town fans make a lot of noise and they keep making it throughout the game.
At Blundell Park, though, it can be tense, nervous unless Town score straight from the kick-off, and the expectant crowd can soon go quiet as passes go astray or the visitors bag a goal first. We so want it to be a fortress and a return to the glory days of the Football League and opposition teams we can find without consulting Google Maps – and because of that the home support can be quick to turn on a player or the manager and scapegoats are identified often before they even kick a ball.
This year, aside from the gaffer, many fans' scapegoat is Luton's Matt Robinson, who arrived as cover for the two Craigs just before the Torquay game. Part rapper, part slightly lightweight midfielder, Robinson was never going to get it easy as he displaced Craig Clay from Town's midfield and has been a fixture as results have dipped. His early form was patchy, to say the least, as he struggled with the pace of the game, clearly lacking match fitness. And that goal on his debut didn't convince anyone, not even his own family.
Matt's performances have improved as he's got fitter and also as he has fitted in with the rest of the team – but the crowd just hasn't warmed to him. If he stays past the initial loan period I can't see his reception improving: he will still be the one to whom fingers point when we creak in the 43rd minute and go in at half time a goal down. If he stays he's got thicker skin than you or I, but if he leaves – well, Luton get a match-fit young midfielder thanks to our persistence in fielding him regardless of form.
Another player Town fans never really warmed to was Richard Brodie, a striker who managed to rub up pretty much everybody the wrong way in his 10 or so games for Town. Last year Brodie sank us when he turned up playing for Southport; this year he's with Aldershot and the curse of the former striker loomed larger than Matt Rhead's arse before kick-off. Fortunately, though, this time someone must have pissed by the corner flags or bought a charm or two from a Romany as Brodie didn't contribute much more than fouling Toto for our first penalty and an occasional hissy fit. Cheers, don't come back too soon.
Despite the tetchiness of Town's home support, some players earn themselves a special place in our hearts through a mix of hard work, honesty, humility and by banging in goals when it matters. One such player is Ross Hannah, a player who chipped in many a crucial goal for Town and someone many were sad to see released at the end of last season.
Hannah was, of course, nailed-on to score on Tuesday as we visited his new club Chester, and Ross duly obliged, although the penalty decision was dubious, to say the least. It was written in the stars and in the tea-leaves; in consecutive tarot readings and in the bones that our local witchdoctor tossed in the air when I bumped in to him in Newton Abbot on Sunday. Ross Hannah was going to score and we brought it on ourselves. Not by letting him leave Blundell Park, though: we brought this on ourselves by wearing hooped socks with that otherwise fine new third kit. As Wicklow Diary pointed out yesterday, nobody wins owt with hooped socks. Nobody. Sort it out Town.
Ooooh, a game! Yep, they're coming thick and fast this week and tomorrow night sees the visit of the once mighty Tranmere Rovers. In order to welcome them to Blundell Park and indeed the Conference we are rolling out the big guns. Portly Portugese Wagner will be reprising his funny-at-first fish chant performance in the actual flesh as he talks to the hallowed turf accompanied by Mr Blobby and bitter former pop star Steve Brookstein. There's also a rumour that Atomic Kitten will be making their first appearance in Grimsby since 2004. Just a rumour of course, but remember, you read it here first.
If you're off to the game then enjoy it, cheer on the lads and don't be too harsh on Hurst, Robinson or Wagner. I'd love to be there but geography is against me. Instead I'll be watching the match on BT Sport online while also cheering on England as they start their Rugby World Cup campaign against Fiji. Yep, Rugby. Give it a chance, it's gonna be great and England have a chance of winning. You can't say that about the football can you?
'Til the next time, up the Mariners!