Match stats: Grimsby v Crawley Town

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 14 October 2017

Division 4

Grimsby Town 0

Crawley Town 0

Attendance: 4007 (70 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: James Berrett

They have to do it, so who did they draw from the bag of balls? The recipient of the Golden Raspberry was Mr James Berrett. Apparently he was playing.

Cod Almighty man of the match: No-one

Error message 4-4-2. Unrecognised garbage in the penalty area.

Our gaffer says

It was a little bit mixed really. It was always a potential banana skin in terms of a game, they're very pacy on the counter attack and have an excellent record away from home so that's always a threat and it very important to keep the balance against them. I thought we created just about enough to nick the game and had a wonderful opportunity to collect all three points but we didn't do it.

More on this


Hey, did you happen to see the most boring Town team in the world? And if you did, you'd be crying, crying.

A poverty of pace, an absence of ambition, a club full of fear. This Town: totally anonymous, irrelevant and a cultural cringe.

There's nothing new to say or see. What's the point of making the effort to watch them? It's merely a man maintaining employment.


The Creepy Crawleys were Dartford, Bromley, Woking and Welling, merely mid-market Bananarama ramblers. Lightweight. A training ground team, practicing their shapes and moves. They had individual players whose legs moved moderately quickly, but reliably rolled the ball out of play, or to Summerfield.

The Gatwick haircuts liked to whip up a near-post free kick. And that's them, that is. They are neither one thing nor another, and just as likely as everyone else Town have played to rock-up accidentally towards the play-offs or slink away towards the boggy marshlands of FA Trophyland.

As drab as Town but in a different dimension of dreariness. They may provide us with some southern comfort that there's worse out there. They may be Bananarama bound with a cruel Kewell summer next year.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

See it. Say it. Sort it Slade. 

Official warning

Mr G Ward

The kid's innocent I tell ya. He even tried to liven things up by giving Town a penalty but if the dead corpse is dead then he ain't no Doctor Frankenstein. Fact, not fiction: 7.777, simply for keeping the added time to a minimum and ensuring no children or animals were injured in the production of this duff movie.

Readers' digest

Fans turned up. Footballers didn't.

In a word: catatonic


Town: McKeown, Davies, Clarke, Collins, Dixon, Dembele, Summerfield, Berrett, Woolfoord, Jones (Hooper 78), Vernon (Matt 70)

Subs not used: Killip, Kelly, Jayesimi, Rose, Mills

Crawley Town: Morris, Lelan, Connolly, McNerney, Evina, Smith, Bulman, Lewis, Clifford (Camara 62), Boldewijn, Meite (Tajbakhsh 75)

Subs not used: Mersin, Doherty, Payne, Djalo, Okoye

Booked: Bulman, Smith