Cod Almighty | Diary
What we need, and what we definitely don't need
17 September 2018
As I was leaving Blundell on Saturday, I wondered despondently what this season would bring us. What do we need to turn this around? A goal poacher who doesn't dither in that final third is the obvious answer. A Tommy of the Town. How we need his confidence in front of goal, his confidence in that final third, and the resilience to stick at it for 90 minutes.
What don't we need? A change of manager just eight games in, and anyone thinking so needs to give themselves a shake.
Let's just think about the real issues facing our club. When did our illustrious non-chairman last have a good look at himself? Maybe it's about time John Nunty had an appraisal. I can imagine it would go a little like this...
"Hey John, it's an awfully long time since anyone looked properly at your performance so we need to review quite a few years but hopefully it's not going to take too long. Is that OK? Let's get started. What has been your biggest achievement since you became chairman/non-chairman?"
"Well, I can point to quite a few improvements I've made – have you seen the sink for the lady referees? And we do have tables for the players to eat their lunch. I like things to be done properly."
"If I could just interrupt you there, those are lovely but I am hoping for things a little more fundamental to the running of the club, John. Anything else?"
"Oh yes. We were promoted a couple of years ago and we've managed to hang on in there. It was good to celebrate that with the fans. That has been a highlight and working with my old friend Russ was a bonus. That kid's flag – I enjoyed snapping that."
"What has not gone so well or been the most challenging part of your job?"
"Well, I don't like some of the people I have to deal with. They are really horrible, especially those on the internet."
"I can only imagine. But can you think of anything about the club, rather than you personally?"
"Well, we're not where we'd like to be."
"How do you mean, John?"
"It would be nice to be in a shiny new stadium in a nice leafy area. But no-one seems to agree with me apart from those nice people who were putting together the project. They seemed to like it. We were having fireworks and everything."
"OK, so that's not gone well. Anything else?"
"No, not really."
"Are you sure? In 16 years? Has everything else gone well for the team?"
"Well, I didn't like us getting relegated but there was not much I could do about that. I leave all that to the manager."
Which aspect of your work do you like the most?"
"I like being in charge. I meet the other clubs and we have a nice dinner. There is the odd trip to Portugal and I have brought in a few mates to back me up so most of the time it's good."
"Could your job be done differently? A fans' buyout maybe?"
"Well, I don't think so, no. Many of the fans want me to go but till they can plonk £2million on my desk I'm going nowhere."
"So your money wasn't an investment in the football club?"
"It was at the time but I want it back now so I'm going nowhere."
So that's it, then. No benevolence there. I'm off to buy my Euromillions ticket and if I win, John Nunty is on his way.