Cod Almighty | Diary

People say alcohol's a drug. It's not a drug; it's a drink

25 October 2019

Attending last weekend’s match cost your West Yorkshire Diary about £70 because one of the tickets I bought was a birthday present for a mate I don't get to see very often. Some present that was. But, win or lose — usually it's lose — there's some superb fish and chips to be scoffed before I drive home, and I also get to call in on my parents and hear about their latest ailments.

There's always something wrong with one of them. Last time, mum had some kind of infection. This time, dad had vertigo. He couldn't go to the match because he thought the noise would disorient him. I'm sure there's a joke in there about dissing Orient but I haven’t got the time to work it out. Not that it would beat what my dad claims to be his all-time greatest football pun when, in the middle of Match of the Day, he stood — yes, stood — and declared: "Look at the arse on Wenger!"

If it weren't for Grimsby Town, I wouldn't see my mate, or my family, as often as I do. Last weekend's result really bothered me because I don't get to go to as many matches as I'd like. And when I finally find the time to attend one, I get served that pile of horse shit.

But I'll be back for more, because it's not about the winning. You slink back into your day-to-day life, and even forget about football for a few minutes... and then the hope starts to creep back in. You can't keep it out. Tomorrow we play Cheltenham Town, who are absolutely flying this season, banging in goals and looking a good bet for automatic promotion. But even after last week's omnishambles, and the turgid midweek draw at Cambridge, you just wonder, if only for a second, that we might put in one of those August performances, like we did at Exeter, and surprise everyone.

I won't be there, so our chances of a result are already looking good.

I'm always keen, in among the usual pre-match guff, to find a semi-interesting statistic, like the one about us never having won at Walsall since Bram Stoker’s Dracula was published. There's no such stat for tomorrow’s game because, well, we've played each other a few times now and results have been a mixed bag.

However, in seven matches at Blundell Park, neither side has ever managed to score more than one goal. Games have finished 1-0, 1-1 or 0-0. Given our form in front of goal in October, I don't see us blasting them away — but then we were really struggling for goals in the 2002-3 season and from absolutely nowhere we stuck six past Burnley.

I also remember us struggling for goals, or any sort of win, in 2006-7 when Alan Buckley returned for his third spell. Then we went and smashed Boston 6-0 at their place. 

This season, Cheltenham have scored 19 goals at home but they play a tighter game on the road, scoring seven and conceding just four. It's all the ingredients you need for what the cricket world would term an 'attritional' game. Given our record for conceding first, I can see it being 0-0 at half time and a solitary second half goal winning it. This could go either way.

Then again, we could smash them 4-0. Tomorrow certainly feels like it has a 'St Swithin's Day' feel about it. Win, and we can start looking back up the table again. Lose, and you feel it'll be another slog — maybe for the next 40 days, maybe for the rest of the season.

Let's hope it's the former. If you're going to the game, I hope it keeps you warm. UTM!