Cod Almighty | Diary

The return of the slack

6 February 2020

Well, your Bottom-of-the-Barrel Diary is back. And yes, before you ask, I have been away. My last diary (I think) predated Town's humiliating drop into the ignominy of non-League. 'Ignominy' incidentally, is a word that is frequently written but very rarely said. Indeed, it's quite difficult to say. Try it now! Igmonany. Ignonimy. Igmcmenemy. We're having fun already, aren't we?

Sadly, I've not spent the last ten years honing my prose style. Or working out how the financial, commercial and administrative sides of the club work. I'm always impressed by the commentators on this site and other social media message boards who seem to be able to forensically dismantle the club's accounts and draw conclusions about available funds, wages, loans and sustainability.

What I can do, however, is talk to a couple of people who do know about these things and have access to people who operate close to the boardroom. And while this diary isn't the place for backfence tittle-tattle – on, hang on, yes it is - it is fair to say I am very much looking forward to hearing Tom Shutes's version of the events of the last few months. I suspect it will differ considerably from the version we have been fed.

The biggest news is that our opponents on Saturday, Bradford City, decided one place outside the play-offs wasn't good enough for them, sacked a gentleman called Bowyer and called up club legend (and failed Scunthorpe manager*) Stuart McCall. According to our big strong forward man James Hanson, their players will be raising their game to try and impress him.

I'm never quite sure about this "raising their game" stuff. I've played games that were important, or where I particularly wanted to impress, and, unsurprisingly, I was as shit as ever. Really wanting to win doesn't make you win; otherwise teams battling against relegation would become unbeatable through the sheer power of desire.

Mid-table teams that have 'nothing to play for' don't suddenly turn into fat blokes with handkerchiefs on their heads eating ice cream in the centre circle. They play at about mid-table standard. Bradford, I suspect, will play at roughly 'one place outside the play-off places' standard.

I think I've laboured that point long enough. We might win or we might lose on Saturday but I doubt the return of Stuart McCall will have any effect. They will still be favourites, though, so at least there'll be no igmonanimy in defeat.

*Spot the tautology