Cod Almighty | Postbag
The one with the offer of free money
7 October 2003
Something about Premiership footballers
I know you guys at CA want to steer away from the normal type of footie website, but if you'd got yourself a message board I seem to think you may have had quite a few posters by now, what with Rivals.net closing all their message boards because they do not want people talking about something or other that may involve somebody and a bunch of other people who may or may not be associated with the game of Association Football in the UK. Bloody fascists, I've read 1984, I know what all this is about.
Well maybe I don't. I never really understood that book anyway. Why a load of talking farm animals didn't like their big brother who lived on a pier in Wigan. Bloody George Orwell, bloody 'O' Level English. 'To kill a mocking bird' - I mean whats that all about, there ain't even no birds in it. No wonder I didn't pass English Lit.
And anyway what's it gotta do with Town. Nowt. A bit like this e-mail really, but it fills the letters page up eh.
from Mr B.L.Ackandwhite-Barmy
Letters Ed responds: Messageboards, smessageboards. We've got a letters page. It's where all the cool cats hang out. Man.
I disagreed with your continued support of Ten Bales, but hey, you finally admitted you'd got it wrong. Shame Groves didn't realise at the same time that you did, but you may be interested to know he's a dab hand at finding the goal on CM3. The toerag got his revenge on Grimsby by scoring a hat-trick to beat them 3-2 in the Div 1 play off final last night played on the hallowed turf of my living room floor. Can you tell I'm bored at the time of writing this?
What there should be is a message board somewhere for you to chat about Champ Manager - oh there is, I forgot. Shame they've closed it down. Blooming Premiership players ruining it again for me!
from Mat Winn
Letters Ed responds: What are these messageboard things that you speak of?
How disappointed merseyhooter must be. Methinks Wednesday could have another new manager very soon.
from Glenn Bateman
I really enjoyed Al's poem about the Blackpool game. Most amusing. I think he may have outdone Mr Butcher for imagery in describing Crane as Crazy Legs.
from Sue Firth
I have just moved over to Lancaster University. I discovered your site through your articles in the programme and have looked throughout the site and cannot find the articles. Can you tell me where they are please? I obviously won't be able to read them otherwise!
from Anna Housden
Letters Ed responds: Sorry Anna. We took the decision to keep articles published off-site separate from articles that appear on CA. However, we may decide to publish all the articles at once at the end of the season. In the meantime, you can still buy the programmes without attending the matches. Have a look here for more information.
My apologies for sending you yet another letter showering your site with praise, but it has to be said:
Your site is simply the best!
As someone who visits this site throughout the week I must thank you for your work. Cod Almighty is a work of genius throughout. Not only that, but it is refreshingly original putting just about every other club website to shame. I am proud to support Grimsby Town and this site just furthers that feeling.
You've furthered the late 1980s fanzine style, you provide a witty take on the day's events saving me trawling so many websites, your match coverage is constantly entertaining. Even the articles I didn't think I would enjoy are entertaining reads, such as Mat Hare's betting articles. The lunacy of Mystic Mick, the anti-lad culture winks provided by your Blundell Babe section, Tony Butcher's multi-referential reports, Al Wilkinson's batty poetry, the occasional cartoon, the articles, the miserable bastard test, and not forgetting the letters page!
One question: where do you go now?
from Ian Gascoigne
Letters Ed responds: Cheers Ian. You've put a smile on our faces here at CA Towers. We've got a few more things lined up for the season as well as all the regulars. It's just getting the time to write the damn things... contributions welcome.
By the way, did you see that Beswetherick, the Sheff Wed defender who lasted about a quarter of an hour against Cas, has since been released by the club? Bit harsh, even if he was rubbish. Must be a BIG club to just let people go for getting skinned a few times. Imagine if Groves started doing that...
Anyway, I thought that we usually ended opposing managers' careers, not opposing defenders?
from Stu Morton
re: Livvo. I agree - bring him back. Even grant him the testomonial that he deserves. A testimonial against one of his former clubs - Chelsea? Do you reckon Crespo is up for a windy Wednesday night in Cleethorpes?
from Mat Winn
Double Dutch d-minus
So, there I am doing the bloody quiz. Hang on - I got question four wrong, the one about which language Marcel Cas doesn't speak. Well he's Dutch isn't he so he must speak Flemish as its just Dutch with an outrageous accent, a bit like Geordie in English. Not according to the bloody quiz. So I awarded myself a fantastic eight not the paltry seven that it said I should have. Come on lads better research please. My english may be crap but I do know Flemish and Dutch are the same language. Goeden Daag Menheers.
from Mr B.L.Ackandwhite-Barmy
Letters Ed responds: Er, um, wo ist der sparkassenleiter, bitte? Je voudrais un petit pois, monsieur.
re: blatant exploitation of a minor. I think it is disgraceful.
Jesus-fucking-Christ. I only got three in this weeks quiz! And they say examination standards are slipping...
from Nick Sparrow
Meggies v Blackpool
Apparently Blackpool is Britain's number one seaside resort. Why? Obviously those that came to this conclusion have not sampled the east coast Mecca that is Cleethorpes. Admittedly I have not seen all of Blackpool (I have only been twice and the first time it was foggy) but I have to say that it resembles a Metropolitan Borough of Freeman Street. What's wrong with that you may say? Well, you wouldn't want a holiday in Freeman Street would you?
Moving on to the football side of things I would like to say thanks to all involved on Tuesday night for such an entertaining evening. Seeing the young Crane demonstrating such finesse and skill was a treat to behold. As for Iffy, I may have been guilty of some less than complementary comments aimed at the big man but now a few days later it has dawned on me what a useful inclusion he is. It is now obvious that his role is of decoy and a very clever one at that. Not many forwards can spend 90 minutes with their hands on hips, occasionally strolling aimlessly towards a corner flag and getting away with it can they? Iffy however is a master, a true professional. The point I am making is that however woefully bad he may be, Blackpool had to use a defender to mark him for 90 minutes which in turn meant they only had 10 active players. This ultimately led to the outrageously lucky victory - but who cares?
Maybe some bigger and more experienced teams may cotton on to this tactic but until then, well done Iffy and the rest of the boys. I enjoyed my night out even if I did splash my trousers in the away end puddles.
Up the Bracket (sorry, Mariners)
from Crumpsall Mariner
Hello. Long time, no write, and all that. Just a quick word about Mr Wilkinson. I was most impressed with your recent excursions into non-poetry based writing.
Polluting the diary with your diseased feline fantasies. Telling us how Town's defence compares to your cat's squitty arse. I can't be bothered with poetry nor obsessions with kitties.
But, Alistair, sir, your report on the Sheffield Wednesday game was inspired. You're still a yoghurt eating ponce though.
from Andy Harrow
Did you decide to not cover the QPR game? No preview and no report. Hope this is a temporary oversight.
from Roger Burke
Letters Ed responds: Sorry Roger. Our preview writer was busy this week so didn't get chance to knock out a preview for the QPR match. Tony's report goes on the site as soon as he's written it and sent it on to us. I guess it appeared not long after you sent this letter. Sometimes work and kids get in the way of writing for CA.
Gift of the gab
Compliments of the season.I do foresee the surprise this letter will bring to you as it comes from a stranger,But be rest assured as it comes with a good-will intentions.
However, your address was courtesy of a business centre at the WorldTrade Centre here in the netherlands.And after due consideration, I became aware and assured of your credibility of handling this trust/transaction. Thus,i took a humble decision to solicit your assistances, understanding and co-operation in this transaction, as it will be beneficial to us.
My name is Mr J. gab, one of the former adviser on arms control and acquisition to the current president of Sierra Leone,His excellency Ahmed Kabbah.
Following the civil war in my country ,the head of state delegate me toarrange for arms purchase from Netherlands through an independent armsdealers.
from [Snip - Letters Ed]
Letters Ed responds: Thanks your. John Gab Woah there...Ahmed Kabba? Any relation to Steve? Can he play up front? Ok, we'll do it. My account is overdrawn anyway, and it's for the greater good of GTFC. And, er, yeah, go on then, we'll have some guns too. You never know when you might want to take out the opposition's pacy striker.
Want to send us offers of free money from Sierra Leone? The feedback page is the place to do it. Good God y'all.