Cod Almighty | Postbag
The 1 wiv the txt spk
20 January 2004
Stats the way I like it
Dear Letters Ed (Or should I call you Mr Pot?) In this week's letters page you accuse Andy of being CodAlmighty's resident statto, but then go on to prove in your reply to Carl Noxby about ref scores that you are a statto too. Hypocritical I say. Or maybe you're proud of being a statto as well and don't see the name as an insult.
In which case, is this website big enough for two statistically-inclined intellects? Perhaps you should have a 'stat-off' to determine King Statto? Or something.
from Mr Kettle
Letters Ed responds: Er, well I didn't intend it as an insult to Andy, rather that I know he's good at those things. As for the ref stats - well, I am Mr Butcher's official biographer you see, so I keep a record of everything he writes.
'Ello John got a new motor?
Can you tell me what the 'Grimsby Town FC Study Support Centre' is? In every programme there is a page covering the latest news from this centre. And what is the 'GTi' that it apparently teaches? I'm just curious so it isn't a problem if you don't know.
from Karl Hughes
Letters Ed responds: To be honest Karl, I haven't a clue. However, one of our other readers may be more clued up...
The flying Frenchman
Further to your note about Cas quitting Town, the flying Dutchman notes that he hasn't learnt anything since he's been at Town. Wasn't that one of the same reasons alleged to be listed by Nic Anelka late last week as to why he wanted to quit Man City?
Has someone at the Telegraph entered 'Marcel Cas' into a Dutch to French web translator and the name of the sulky Man City striker has been returned?
from David Allen
Letters Ed responds: Or maybe Marcel just wasn't paying attention. It's his own time he's wasting. Play to the bell, er, whistle etc etc
Have you seen that a player who spent a season in Town's stiffs knocked Southend out of the cup last night, setting his club up with a date with Chelsea. How romantic, eh.
from Nicky Webster
Letters Ed responds: What's wrong with a box of chocolates and some flowers, eh?
What do you think about George Bush's pledge to send man to Mars? An election year vote-gainer, an attempt to send the States spiralling yet further into debt, or does this mean he's planning on staying in office until America claims the red planet as its 5Second state?
from Neil Harris
Can you please tell me when Atomic Kitten start. Thanks.
Letters Ed responds: Start what?
R U FORUN OR SUMMINK?
HI! DO U HAVE MORE INFO ON THE KITTENS??? HOW MUCH R TIKETS AND WERE CAN I GET 1? Y R THEY NOT AT THE ORDITORIUM??? IT WILL B ACE!! I CANT BELEIVE THEY R COMMING TO GRIMSBY!! WRITE SOON!
Letters Ed responds: HI NAT! DO U NO WOT. WE JUS MED THE OLE THNG UP TO TK THE P1SS. SOZ BUT THEY 8NT CUMIN TO GRIMSBY AT AL. WRITE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boj, er, and Badger?
No ambition, no money just a boj club not worth supporting.
from J Smith
Letters Ed responds: Definition of 'boj' to the usual address please people. A chocolate bar to the person with the suggestion that makes me laugh the most.
Stupid idea. Who gives a flying one what Bill Shankley thought. If you decide to get red socks you can consider yourselves no longer my second club.
Letters Ed responds: I'm just gonna shrug here, Ste - is that all right with you?
A song in the key of CAPS LOCK
GTFC SINCE 1998.HAS NOT GONE FOREWARD BOARDROOM A ARGUEMENTS LACK OF NEW BLOOD IN THE BOARDROOM N NO AMBITIONS HAVE SEEN THOUSANDS OF US VOTE WITH OUR FEET THE CLUB GROUND MANAGEMENT PLAYERS IS A TOTAL BOJ JOB PLUS US MORE MATURE FANS SAY NEARLY ALL FOOTBALLERS ARE VERY GREEDY COULD NOT CARE IF THEY PLAY OR SIT ON THE BENCH AS LONG AS THEY GET PAID. A LARGE PROPORTION ARE CHEATS.
from K Drinkell
Letters Ed responds: Blimey. When you vote with your feet, isn't it difficult to mark the 'X' in the correct box? I always miss the paper completely.
Hi. I found your excellent site after reading Pete Green's article in the Telegraph. Keep up the good work!
from Harry Wallis
Letters Ed responds: Thanks Harry.
Jesus H Christ in a field
Has Richard intended to strike such a messianic pose, or is he just a very naughty boy?
from Pete Green
Come on now, your latest t-shirt picture (of Richard Dawson we are told) has to have been put together using a computer art package. Jesus and his flock?
from Mike Hardcastle
Letters Ed responds: No, I'm afraid Mike that the hair is real. I've seen it close up - it has its own climate.
Tony's tinted tales
I am a big fan of Tony Butcher's match reports but I find it strange Tony neglects to mention Aidan Davison's injury as being a possible factor in my mind for at least two of the goals. Davison clearly lacked his usual spring when it came to moving throughout the game. Not that Davison is entirely at fault - at times the midfield just wasn't closing down especially notable in the build up to Bridge-Wilkinson's chip. Take off the rose-tinted specs, Mr Butcher! There is more at fault with the team than just conceding such wonder-goals.
Paul Groves seems a nice enough bloke and I wouldn't wish any ill on him, but how much longer can Town's lowly league position be deemed acceptable? With the squad of players Town have they should be in the top half of the table. Manager after manager voices their envy at the players Town have and I can see where they are coming from. Could it be that these managers gear their teams up to beat us with this very excuse and Town's lack of mettle merely leads to the inevitable?
Is Mr Butcher content with the way things are at the club on and off it or is he just denying the blindingly obvious?
from Dave Chambers
Letters Ed responds: Tony Butcher says: I knew people wouldn't believe me and would react to the scoreline. I am, of course, highly delighted at the present underachieving series of embarrassments. What is blindingly obvious is that the little things are not going Town's way (and for that read Groves' way). A referee could have seen the handball by Jones in the Tranmere game (1 point lost); a referee could have seen the handball by Clarke in the Peterborough cup game (replay missed); Jevons could have
Pout out, Town down
The Grimsby Telegraph is today reporting that GTFC will receive at best £30,000 for Alan Pouton. £30,000 for a player who is supposed to be amongst Town's best? Disgraceful. What adds salt to the wound is people who claim to know the chairman have been telling us for the past two weeks that Pouton would be going for peanuts to Gillingham. Whats more these rumours have been denied. The club has conducted itself poorly with this transfer. Town deserve to be relegated. And then again next season. Then they will be at home with all the other amateur clubs.
from John Wood
Letters Ed responds: While I agree with your point about the club denying interest in Pouton being poor conduct, this is inevitably the manner in which most football transfers are conducted. However, realistically I think £30k is the most we could have hoped to get for Pouton. His contract was up at the end of the season and most clubs would have been reluctant to pay any money for him when they could sign him for free in a few months time.
Don't know much about science book
One lovely feature of Town's recent slump is the increasing presence of nesbits throughout the Grimsby-tinged world. Take this piece from the This Is Grimsby site: "The well of optimism has officially been declared dry: Grimsby Town are in the relegation dogfight. As the Mariners' best player sat in a directors' box 200 miles away, Paul Groves' depleted side lurched to another embarrassing defeat."
Now, I'm no expert when it comes to geography but there surely can't be 200 miles between Port Vale's ground and Derby's. Surely? Maybe 60, but no way is there 200. Please advise, oh wise letters editor.
from Miles Foreman
Letters Ed responds: Not even that Miles. The AA says the total road distance between ST6 1AW and DE24 8XL is precisely 41.3 miles. Perhaps Alan was watching some other game?
In socks we trust
Anyone who wishes to relieve Paul Groves of his duties this early in the season must be stupid. Especially in light of recent world events.
The power vacuum left would inevitably lead short term to the looting of Paul's gold taps, increased crime and the appointment of an American Manager setting up machine gun nests at the Osmond turnstiles (or more sensibly, disruption we could do without.)
We are not going down, and by all accounts we are on a bit of an upslope in performances, if Monsieur Butcher can be at all trusted in his appraisals. Lets get behind our boys and wait for the red socks to kick in, eh?
Good, we're all agreed then ...
from Paul Wright
The Burnsing question
Regarding your Atomic Kitten piece: Surely Alan Patridge is too good for David Burns. Bob Wilson might be closer to the mark. Or Lesley Grantham.
from Chris Whitlow
Getting cocky about the sockies
Great result for town wearing red socks on Saturday!
from Michael Shelton
Letters Ed responds: Ahem. You see, it was the red socks and white shorts combo. The shorts should be black. You'll see.
GTFC free wake-up call
I went to bed at nine last night. I was enjoying my early night as recently I've been, for want of a better phrase, fucked. Then about twenty minutes later my mobile rings (yes, yes, I suppose I could have turned it off - I keep it on in case of an emergency.):
"Hello, it's Malcolm from Grimsby Town Football Club and I'm ringing about Mariners World-"
"I've got it."
"-the online [something or other] service for your football club-"
"I've got it."
"I don't know if you've heard but at the moment-"
"I've got it."
"-you can get 14 months for the price of 12. Are you interested sir?"
"I've got it. Don't you have a database that tells you this? And what time do you call this anyway?"
"I'm sorry sir."
And he hung up. And I can't get back to fucking sleep. Great. But I ask you. Nine bleeding thirty at night.
from Si Wilson
Letters Ed responds: I heard they were going to auction off Michael Boulding on QXL. They're gonna throw a signed shirt in for free.
Woah there, that's a lot of postage. Keep the wild riposte flowing with a visit to our feedback page. And it won't even cost you the price of a stamp.