Cod Almighty | Postbag
The one that's a little bit late
10 February 2004
Afternoon folks. Sorry for the delay - I hadn't been sacked or even 'relieved of duties', although I'm often relieved at my lack of duties. Anyway, one small change to how things are done: you can now email the postbag direct at firstname.lastname@example.org.Any road, on with your letters...
According to Google, 'BOJ' refers to either the Bank of Japan, or the Bank of Jamaica. Perhaps the letter writer has news on Town's sponsor for next season. In the sports section of this site it says "Boj o milióny byl mnohem teí, ne spartané cekali" in a story about Sparta Prague, which means "Warfare within milliard by much preponderant, than spartan waited". 'Boj' is Czech for 'warfare'. Disturbing.
Letters Ed responds: Well, as you're the only person who could be arsed to reply, the chocolate bar is yours. Drop me a line with the name of your favourite chocky treat
GET let letters get wetter
I wouldn't want to suggest you revive the nesbit of the week, but how about a letter of the month? In the same way that some papers award a fiver for the best letter, you could designate the letter published by the Grimsby Telegraph that combines pompousness with an attempt at forensic case building that neverthless collapses in a heap of bad logic. I particularly enjoyed this one.
Paul Groves should resign because he won't stand up to the board. The board would then of course instantly replace him with someone who tells them he'll be moaning to the press about the lack of funds every five minutes.
from Pat Bell
Careless or less care?
For my two-penny worth on the club's situation, I ask the following:
The Board: Fact - the board have put money into the club. Undeniable. Unrefutable. They are keeping the club afloat. Where are these other supposed sugar daddies in Grimsby? The lottery winners? Get out of here! If you won a million quid would you consider putting it into your club as an investment? Get real! Some people are suggesting that Peter Furneaux isn't a popular man in Grimsby, surely someone can stump up some money to remove him. This brings me back to the question: who? Are not all the 'money men' in Grimsby on the board at the moment? Financially the board are doing the best they can - shaping the club so it can survive on the finances it receives.
The Players: A number of useful players but a team? Do they want to win? The players can't possibly be overpaid, as the board keeps pointing out. Are the players at our club because no-one else wants them? Think about it: all these 'flair' players come in the summer with what lure? A lot of money. No. A beautiful place to live. NO! An established and respected manager? No, but he was a respected player. Is it a club going places? No. Could it be the players think that they have a nice boss, they can do a bit here and there, toss off as much time as they can but still get a wage like most employees try to? Could be.
The Manager: Has he had the right grounding? Has he been pushed into the limelight too quickly? Has he brought together a set of players who just can't complement each other? Can he drive a battle out of them? Do his ideas not just get across to the players or do they ignore him? You cannot fault what he has done in bringing people in, the effort he has taken to do this. But since then, a manager is there to take charge of this bunch.
Who knows. I'm starting not to care myself. And I am not the only one.
from Alistair Jones
Whilst I am entertained by Mat's articles week in week out and, in fact, often titter out loud at his musings regarding the zany world of monkey betting, he does sound like a miserable bastard who could do with a shag this week, doesn't he?
If there is enough sympathy for him, perhaps Cod Almighty could set up a fundraiser to get him a whore? I'll chip in a fiver...
from Paul Wright
Letters Ed responds: I think a fiver will do it to be honest. We'll put him on a train to Riby Square...
Hair and mash
Further to my Close Encounters piece on Chris Hargreaves, I was astounded to note while watching the Northampton v Manchester cup tie that he now has nearly the same hairstyle as me.
from Pete Green
Letters Ed responds: You must be so proud
...but Futcher is God
As many Town fans may realise, religion plays a rather significant role in the 'beautiful game' here in Scotland. However whilst watching the Tayside (Dundee v Dundee Utd - I'm just being patronising) derby on the BBC on Sunday, I was introduced to the depths of religious involvement.
The scenario: Dundee's lanky centre back, Lee Wilkie was struck down with a serious looking knee injury, which involved lengthy on pitch treatment; ending in a stretcher trip, covered in a blanket. The stretcher was laid on the edge the pitch - was Wilkie's season over? Then - the blanket parted and Wilkie rose from the stretcher like a leaping salmon.
Commentator one: 'Lee Wilkie has recovered in what can only be described as Biblical Proportions'. Commentator two: 'Well it is a Sunday'.
So is Lee Wilkie 'Jesus in disguise', and should GT have a look at some of his fellow Dundee 'disciples'?
from Tim Smith
Thanks to Andy for his masterful penalties research. I was only expecting a few stats. How much do you charge an hour, sir, and how much do I owe you? For your statistical research that is.
from Simon Oakley
Letters Ed responds: Andy says: My problem is that once I get going I can't stop. It's both a flaw and a quality though, I guess. What started out as a quick reply to you ended up a full-blown study. I enjoyed it though, so won't charge you - this time. The first one's free, you know.
Rowson so wrong
Some of you may read the Telegraph to catch up on local news, see what's on the telly, or even to do the crossword. I prefer to look for inaccuracies in Stu Rowson's reporting. Today, Mr Rowson points out that Alan Pouton had a miserable debut for Gillingham as they lost 3-1 to Burnley, but at least the Geordie midfielder performed a backheel that lead to the Gills goal. No he didn't. He was substituted in the 6Second minute and Gillingham's goal was in the 7First minute. Where did this backheel come from, the showers? The team bus? What do you get paid for exactly Stuart?
from James Thundercliffe
Letters Ed responds: Never fear James. He's only gone and buggered off to Hull ain't he?
Having just entered your comp for tea and biccies, I feel the desire to tell you that I recently purchased a mug on ebay. This is no normal mug however, it celebrates GTFC's promotion to Division Two in the 1982 season.
from Tim Smith
Letters Ed responds: Ooh. A good find. All I ever seem to find on ebay are old programmes and they're just no good for drinking tea from
Have you guys seen how well Daryl Clare has been doing recently? 17 goals in 19 league matches this season so far. He's scored in six consecutive matches, scoring 11 goals in those games, including two hatricks. Damn impressive.
from Nelson Timberlake
I notice that Cambridge University have now scrapped plans to build a facility to carry out horrific tests on chimpanzees. Will Cod Almighty be following suit, and stop their terrible experimentations on a poor defenceless dumb animal, who is forced against their will to try and predict each week's football results, all in the name of money? It's a disgrace - you should free Mat Hare immediately.
from Mr Z Keeper
Letters Ed responds: And have him run wild about Bodmin Moor? Have you gone quite mad?
The end of a wonderful relationship
Is it advisable to book seats at Blundell Park for Valentine's Day? Everywhere else seems to be full already.
from Danny Shearbridge
Letters Ed responds: No need to book Danny - and the food is cheap. Although choices are limited. Now where did I see that campaign for balti pies at BP?
Don't know much about science book
Adapted from the Oldham v Town preview: "In those nine games in charge, the Latics have won one, drawn four and lost twice". Hardly a convincingly great advertisement for Wilson's mathematical prowess.
from Sir Michael Shelton OBE
Letters Ed responds: Nope. And your punctuation needs some work. See me.
You guys seem like bright sparks. Can one of you explain this new offside rule to me please.
Letters Ed responds: Hmm. Well I think it's something about if the podgy, bald fella sticks his little fluorescent flag up then it's definitely offside, otherwise tough.
Mum's the word
Don't know if you know this yet but berated Grimsby Telegraph football reporter, Stuart Rowson, is moving to the Hull Mail. I know the guy, my mum's good mates with his wife. I for one will be glad to see the back of him, I find him a bit of a dick myself.
from Jeff Westerman
Letters Ed responds: You and Paul Thundercliffe should go on a date I reckon.
What size Keith would you like?
We want big Keith? Surely you have heard worse suggestions...
from Sgt. Bulko
Letters Ed responds: Well no-one has mentioned Livvo yet. Yes, my coat is the blue one. Thanks
Put A Cork in it
The League Managers Association can be checked for managers out of work. Do you think the club would be able to coax in Steve Cotterill or Alan Cork? Prehaps even Nigel Clough?
from Tim Smith
Letters Ed responds: Or we could perhaps hold a seance and try to get Shankly back to haunt the dressing room