The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

Crumbs from the wheelie bins

29 July 2020

What do you do on a wet weekend in July? You watch Fat Matt Rhead fail.

So what's new pussycat in the land of make believe?

Well, what a day of wonder we have today for, look here, there's new branded lee-jure-wear for the unfathomably fashionable fans AND new wheelie bins in town! Your Deviant Diary will leave our in-house style council of kit fetishists to pour purple (faced) prose upon the latest polycotton monstrosity in a special three-part supplement. When it comes to the bins, have you ever had them blue? If you don't like it, shout to the top of the local council for local people.

Hey-hey-hey kids watch out for 11 August. The day the day the teddy bears have their picnic as we find out whether we get our traditional Boxing Day derby with Macclesfield (In Administration sooner or later), or we can "look forward" to the return of serial stinkers Stevenage. Yes, just 32 Earth days before the start of next season, the Football League's appeal against the two-point Macclads relegation-saving penalty will be heard, decided, mulled over, moaned over, and appealed to Marcel Cas. Well, that's both of 'em stuffed next season. No money, no fans, no players, no idea which division they are in. At least Town have some money, a few fans, some players and know where they are.

But where exactly are we? Over the weekend P-Diddy Day clearly and concisely catalogued the costs of COVID-19 compliance.

How can you pay for something extra when your income is legally restricted? You can't, you need help. Why should the Government (i.e. you and me, the taxpayer) fund an industry that is awash with cash? It's a question of governance. Soccer solidarity, it's the only way.

One week's basic wage from just one unwanted Premier League player alone would fund the testing costs for Town, Scunny and Lincoln for the whole of next season. A player that was used for 1,812 minutes over all competitions. Where was the public or private good in that expenditure - £350,000 per week? There's plenty more examples of unwanted, unused of Premier League profligacy.

It's not their fault personally, but it's about perspectives in football.

There is an alternative; there are always alternatives, it's merely a question of choice. After all, the UK's magic money tree suddenly sprouted from the barren earth when the rich and powerful were faced with rack and ruin. If there's a will there is always a way, when it suits The Suits.

Simple, practical and equitable solutions are necessary - fast. Why isn't the FA proposing a levy, for the duration of the COVID testing requirement, on the basic wage for each Premiership footballer and each transfer fee? Let's not be greedy and push these souls into penury – how about 10 per cent of just one week's wages and 0.5 per cent of each transfer fee valuation (to overcome the swapsies dodge) to go into a Football Rescue Fund for non-Premier League, non-parachute payment clubs? You know what that adds up to? £84 million. The price of a Mars Bar to the Premier League, the price of survival for a whole industry, for whole communities, for football.

We can argue about how exactly we divvy that up later. Let's get the Robin Hood Levy in place first to guarantee the COVID-19 security costs are covered. Not just testing but all the extra impositions required to permit games to take place. Let's level up the leagues. Redistribution is all the rage, so let's channel that rage into something of a public good.

What do we want? More crumbs! When do we need it? Now.

Crumbs? Crikey.