Cod Almighty | Postbag
Postbag: Terror from the deep
12 August 2004
See. See! I told you'd they'd be more often. Oh, and a short message to the Nigerian princes and businessmen - look, I transfered all that money across, where is the $13 million you promised, eh?Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your scribbles
Re: short-term contracts. Couldn't agree more. I firmly believe that this attitude is the true reason that we are in League Two now. It's about time someone grasped the nettle by the thorns and awarded three-year contracts to those that Slade thinks he can make into a viable team. The only way to fill the stadium is for the team to be playing well - preferably in The Championship.
Thanks for the mammaries
Titwank. Absolutely fantasmagorical word, please try and use it more often. It's an amazing word that manages to convey two very differing images. One really good and the other not quite so good.
Didn't that Darlo fan get upset? He's lucky CA decided not to use my Rough Guide to Darlo which consisted of: "Darlo it's crap, they've got a big ground, they don't like Hartlepool and they got their nickname because they eat oats."
from Mr B.L.Ackandwhite-Barmy
Letters Ed responds: You can have too much of a good thing though. Oh go on then: titwank
I can't believe you don't remember: "You get nothing for a pair... not in this game". Cut to Bruce looking into the camera to ident his catchphrase and then the game passes to the opposing couple. I thought better of you.
from Ian Jackson
Hope you print this sooner than my last. I saw Chris Nicholl leaving for his interview (Barnsley game - was that only last season?) and you didn't print it until about three weeks after Mr Law was appointed. Re: the interview - I never realised that the battle had to be won before the war - he should be special adviser to Messrs Bush and Blair.
from Phil Shorter
Letters Ed responds: Soz Phil. Was just having a summer break. Is this better?
I am led to believe that you have a contributor on one of your programmes called Ernie Teale. If that is so do you have any info on his background?
I remember an Ernie Teale from my younger days when I worked in Hull as a refrigeration engineer. In my memory an Ernie Teale comes up. Can you help?
from Les Rawson
Letters Ed responds: I think I'm best leaving this one to the professionals. Nurse!
Thanks. Chris. Wrong. Chris. Bollocks. Chris
"Chris" tries correcting our Mat that "Darlo are out of administration". Bollocks are they. If they are (as I type this) then they haven't told anyone.
Brucie boned us
If the new card was the same as the card you were moving on from then you lost. I always thought this was really harsh, cos there was no option to predict it. "You've got a 10," Brucie would say. "Higher or lower? Higher than a 10, you say... oh! It's another 10!" Then he'd bemoan the contestants' terrible luck - without ever having given them the opportunity to predict another 10. The evil, smirking bastard.
Come to think of it, why did people always say "higher" when they were on a 10? Idiots. They deserved to lose.
from Joe Galbraith
Letters Ed responds: What is it with that elbow-on-knee, fist-under-chin thing anyway? It just makes him look like he's desperately trying not to lose control of his bladder
CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK V THE LOCUSTS
WOT DO LOCUSTS AV 2 DO WIV THE GAME?
from Bazza Campbell
Letters Ed responds: Is it really that hard to type 'to' instead of '2'? You twat. I'm not answering your question until you present it to me in English. I'll give you locusts, you little...