Cod Almighty | Postbag
Postbag: When letters attack
12 May 2005
Hello - a double week postbag today as I wasn't around last week to sort it out. And it's not been a bad couple of weeks for letters given that the season has ended. Keep it up folks.As usual, you can send me the contents of your brain via firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll try and turn it in to a letter. Seeya.
Goalkeeper causes premature orgasm shocker
Re: The Welshman. Yes, yes, yes, yes! I've been saying it to the Diary since last September.
from Phil Shorter
Letters Ed responds: Has that restraining order not come through yet?
Playing the field
Imagine the situation, you play regularly for a low standard Sunday league football team and you turn up on any given Sunday to find out that your midfield lynch-pin has tragically been killed in a skiing accident involving an avalanche, a mountain goat and a gherkin. Now your team is too poor to afford a stash of black armbands but you want to pay your respects for your lost team member so what do you do?
The answer is clear. Because you are a Grimsby fan you have around your wrist a UTM rubber band. Simply slide the wristband up your arm, over your footy shirt, until it's halfway between shoulder and elbow. And hey presto, your solemnity and gravitas coupled with a show of sincere respect earns you a crack at the grieving widow.
from Robin Graves
Article is good, apparently
Mr Fieldsend's article was brilliant.
from Durham Diary
bak 2 skool
This report covers the 2004/2005 season and has been produced two matches from the end of the season as there is no anticipated improvement before the end of the season (the report could have been produced in september).
Goalkeeping: on the whole another disapointing year, some blame for this can be laid at the defence but lack of communication and organisation has cost grimsby again this year. 4/10
Defence: see above. Effort this year better than last, failed basic wall building (notts county) even after a full year of set plays. Still showing weakness on the flanks. 5/10
Midfield: a rather non-discript year, lots of huffing and puffing with little quality in areas that hurt the opposition (see goal scoring) 4/10
Attack: change of personnel has done little to improve this area (last year's head boy showing what could be achieved atYeovil). No one showing that he is class infront of goal. Goals scored per game just scrapes one per game which is not good enough to earn any merit marks. 4/10
Management: made all the right noises when appointed, has struggled with lack of finance all year and this has shown in the players on veiw (league status has to be taken into account here). No merit marks or achievement awards have been awarded. 4/10
Overall: with two matches left the report should not be finalised (the play-offs should have been a target), but the season is basically over. In the mini-league (lincolnshire top dog div 1) Town failed to have the impact required. The decline in towns standing over the last three years is sad to witness. 3/10
Totals 24/60. Comments: must try harder in all departments as there is a lot of room for improvement. The decline in achievement over the last few years is a cause of great concern. The below average marks this year again indicate a lack of self confidence and this must be addressed if the potential is to be achieved.
from Keith Falla
Letters Ed responds: Hmm. Grammar 2/10. Sentence structure 1/10. Spelling 3/10. My editing skills 9/10.
Where is Walker?
I was reading about Gordon Walker in the paper a few nights ago and was wondering where he finished up after leaving Town. Is he still involved in football today?
Letters Ed responds: Does anybody know what happened to Gordon Walker? E-mail us at the usual address.
Bidding for arse
Someone called Matt offering his Arse programme on ebay, but also getting a 'free' ad on Codalmighty Letters page? Tell him I have an interest, put it on for 0.01p starting bid, free P&P. Or a swap for a 'Fuelling the stadium of dreams' baseball cap
from Ian Jackson
No doubt like all sensible men, the Diary writers are Tory supporters and read the 'The Daily Telegraph'. Today's 'Talking Football' by Henry Winter unusually features Grimsby Town at Liverpool and the singing of 'You only sing when you're Fishing'. I am not at all sure that the Kop invented the song.Your readers may be interested and perhaps confirm.
from Michael Peart
Letters Ed responds: I've heard that rumour before. I don't know if it's true - and I guess the only way to find out is to ask a Town fan who went to the match. Anybody?
From Canada, eh?
While surfing to find out if Nunsthorpe Infants School is planning a reunion for 2006 (my father is what he calls a Charter Member, so you know how old he is) I tripped over your website. It has taken me back to the days when I lived with my grandma on Littlecoates Road during school summer break.
You may be able to imagine what confusion a small girl, and then a teenager from Canada felt when faced with the strange way that people verbally expressed themselves. My one memory is going to a youth group meeting in a church in Cleethorpes where the highlight of the night for the participants was making me say the word LOVE (not luv) and breaking into gales of laughter every time. Reading through your dictionary brought me back to those difficult times of trying to figure out what my relatives or the market vendor was saying. Happy to relate that I caught on to many of these words quickly. Then the trial would begin when I returned back to Canada, used some of the terms, and had to explain to my friends just what I was talking about.
Have not been back to GY since the mid-seventies but my uncle in York sometimes gives me updates. I still check our paper weekends to see how the Mariners are doing (the scores, believe it or not are usually in the sports pages in small undecipherable print.) My father still has his tea in a Grimsby football mug so you are thought of often.
Once again thank you for providing me with a great hour of hilarity. Have printed and sent on your dictionary so Dad can go down memory lane.
P.S. Where did the term Moggie come meaning the word cat. I can't seem to find anything about that.
from Pamela Barraclough
Letters Ed responds: Moggie is erm .I dunno. I think we figured at where Meggies came from, but moggies .I just don't know. I can tell you who plays in central defence for Grimsby Town though. But not much else.
The season has just about fizzled out, so what can Codalmighty offer in the way of entertainment for the next few weeks? (It used to be months, but the season starts again mid-July if you include friendlies).
How about a summer sport punditfest (I'm having that as a word)? I'll start:
Wimbledon will be watched by housewives and pensioners in a way that makes it look like a real sport, when it isn't. Interest will be lost when Henman (notice not Tim!) loses to a unheard of no hoper having beaten someone we have heard of in a five setter, unexpectedly.
The Formula One season will trundle on endlessly amid rows and appeals about 'techy' car stuff rather than having races that are nail-biting from start to finish. No Brits involved at the higher end of the table.
Cricket! Hoorah the national summer sport. England v Australia. It will go like this. Test 1 - Eng defeat. Test 2 - Draw, Test 3 - Eng defeat, Test 4 - Draw, Test 5 - Eng on top but draw, Test 6 - All over by now lost 2 - 0, but Eng win last test. Press in England carry stories of how it could have been as we had them on the rack for the last test!
Lions Tour - High hopes for the Lions in NZ. Win a few scrappy warm-up games and then fall to a 3-1 series defeat due to the cocky Welsh contingent who cried foul before selection due to feelings of inadequacy about their standing in the squad.
2012 Olympic City announcement - It's Paris, by a margin. East London doesn't appeal to the committee (and we didn't palm off enough Euro's to seal the deal)
What d'ya reckon?
from Ian Jackson
Letters Ed responds: You missed the bit about Town looking at 2,187 triallists.
Good beer guide
Paid my first visit to the Rutland prior to the Southend game, accompanied by Sibber and his daughter Nic who will be celebrating her birthday in July, out of the footie season. I must say the Old Mill was not on par with Batemans but does suggest that if the Yorkies stick at it they may one day produce an ale of note. I did agree with the programme notes of cod psychology, keep up the good work.
from Dave of Engineering Prowess
Letters Ed responds: You need to try a pint of Abbeydale Moonshine on a sunny summer day. That'll change your mind.
Money for nothing
Just reading on your latest GTST update about the Buy.at scheme that GTST have signed up for. That's good, you know. The amount that people buy on-line nowdays this could potentially be a good earner for the Trust.
Can I encourage all Cod Almighty readers to have a look and use it for any purchases they might make from places like cd-wow and Amazon and play.com. There's over 80 retailers to choose from. And the good thing is that it doesn't cost the buyer any more money, it just means a percentage goes to the Trust. It's got to be worth an couple of extra mouse clicks for any Town fan hasn't it?
from Bob Karingen
They think it's all over
The club webcams show that there are a couple of stragglers still on the pitch from Saturday. SORT IT STEWARDS!
from Ian Poulter
This increased exposure for Young's on the back of the new away shirt is all very good and well, but where are the players names going? Over the logo? Under the number(s)? Just what is the point of the logo on the back of the shirt? Can any bastard actually make out what that logo is from a stand? Will Young's (not possessive of the Pop Idol) get more exposure when a tiny picture of a Town player appears in a newspaper? Has someone been watching too much French league football? Or thought having Young's on the back of the shorts a la Scunny was just a bit too gay?
They should have just ordered enough of your Ivano T-shirts to kit out the whole first team squad. Or got you chaps to design the kit for them.
from Nigel Rusell
Mathematics for beginners
According to the chairman we the fans have raised £75,000 towards keeping the club afloat. In your diary dated Thursday 20 January you say the fans only have to raise £420,000 for their part of the deal. I may only have a B in O Level maths but by my reckoning aren't we the fans just shy of raising 20% of our target? Which is some way higher than a lot of the pessimists and doomsayers would have you believe. May be the good chairman's enthusiastic outlook isn't in vain after all.
from David Senior