Cod Almighty | Postbag
Postbag: Or how I learned to stop worrying and love iced tea
26 May 2005
Close season is well and truly upon us now, as can be seen from the deluge of letters about iced tea we've had in the last week. I still think the idea of iced tea is disgusting, mind.Anyway, send your letters that aren't about iced tea to email@example.com and thus they shall appear on this very page.
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
If I was to make iced tea I would use the recipe below:
Bring five cups of fresh cold water to a boil. Pour over five tea bags. Steep for thee to five minutes. Remove the tea bags and add three to five cups of cold water (depending on your preference of tea strength). Pour over ice in glass. Add sugar or sweetener and top with lemon. Relax and enjoy.
...but I don't like it so I don't do it. Espresso is my bag.
from Ian Jackson
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
In the postbag Chris Lee asks: "How do you make Ice Tea?" I presume he means the drink rather than the gangsta rapper/dodgy actor.
This seems a pretty obvious answer but perhaps this is because I live in Canada where they think ice tea is a good idea. Although they're not as keen on it as the Yanks. For the record you make a lot of tea (normally a weak brew) let it go cold, add ice, lemon and sugar to taste. If you live in Texas you drink it about three parts sugar to one part tea. Some people claim it is a refreshing light drink on a hot day, but that is what American beer is for.
I hope this helps those that might have a genuine interest in this (is there anyone?), but really the question should be "Why would you make Ice Tea?" I can't see why you would want cold tea when you can have it piping hot with milk and sugar in it.
I have a question for the postbag, who is sadder, Chris for asking this question or me for answering it? Never mind I think I know.
from James Booth
Jealous 'cause I'm out geting mine
Whilst trying to explain a bit of Northern slang to a workmate, I thought your Grimmo dictionary might come in handy. However, there seems to have been some sort of glaring omission. You nesbits
from Euan Mann
Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine
Letters Ed responds: Er, thanks?
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
F**king Gretna. No, out on loan from Gretna to f**king Workington. Forgive me if I'm a little underwhelmed by it all. Do you think he can kick it really hard?
from Rich Mills
Letters Ed responds: Hey, perhaps he might actually turn out to be alright. Who can say?
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
In June of this year I'm taking part in a tour that will visit 158 football grounds (all the grounds from the four football leagues, and the grounds from the conference and it's two feeder leagues). The aim of the tour is to raise money for three charities: Macmillan Cancer, Mind (the mental health charity) and STRIPES (the Stafford Rangers supporters trust fund). The tour will last 10 days and cover well over 3000 miles. We aim to raise money by getting people to sponsor each of the grounds we are going to visit. A web site dedicated to the tour can be found at http://www.158groundsin1week.co.uk.
from 158 Grounds in 1 Week
Letters Ed responds: Sponsorship monies are on the way as I type enjoy your day in Cleethorpes. I recommend lunch at Steels or Ernie Becketts.
Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms
After years away from Batemans finest ales I walked into a local Wetherspoons pub to find Batemans mild as a guest beer. The memories of under age drinking (mild was all I could afford) came flooding back. The barman poured a perfect pint and I drank it down.
"Want another?", asked the barman. "No it was awful", was the reply. He then went into a long and detailed account of how the guest beers were of the highest standard and how they were kept in the perfect condition. I had to stop him and tell him that Batemans ales were awful 30 years ago and I only bought one to see if they had got better. Batemans is an aquired taste, I am one that never did aquire it.
from Keith Falla
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Chris Lee must be connecting with his feminine side: iced tea was originally a product only found in January and February on building sites with a northerly aspect. The modern idea of iced tea is as a social drink that defines the modern man - non drinking, non smoking, well dressed and socially acceptable. It is time we made a stand against this type of slur on our gender.
Oh by the way, you can buy iced tea in cans from Asda but it is cheaper at Tesco (it was on offer with the pearl barley and the tofu).
from Keith Falla
Yo man - Let's get out of here! Word to your mother!
1. Make some really strong tea (tea bags or tea leaves, it doesn't matter) 2. Add some cold water (which may or may not have sugar dissolved in it, it's up to you) 3. Add some sprigs of mint and/or lemon slices 4. Pour it over ice cubes in a tall glass 5. Drink it in the sunshine
Magic. Gets us around the age-old dilemna of whether to add the milk to the tea or the tea to the milk too. Brilliant heh?
from Rich Mills