Cod Almighty | Postbag
10 June 2005
Of course, when I said "no more letters about iced tea" obviously I didn't mean it. Or maybe you just don't read this bit at the top. Hmm. You're all BASTARDS. Yeah, that's right. And you didn't even notice me calling you that. Ha!If of course you do read this opening paragraph, then please feel free to send any abuse to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Come on then!
The power of persuasion
The summer months are already taking their toll on the Diary. It's becoming a catalogue of nothingness but maintaining it's levels of entertainment all the same. Is it written by Derren 'one trick' Brown, mind control maestro and all round self-confessed slight of hand merchant? Can you imagine him as Town manager? The dressing room, pre-match team talk - you are Barazil, when I shout Pele, you string fifty passes together and walk it into the net. When you see me dancing the samba on the touchline, you fire a right footer 40 yards into the top right and corner. Score me 4 goals and I'll send on the bikini clad half-time dancers!
Hmm. Call his agent and see if he is busy Aug '05 - May '06.
from Ian Jackson
The look of love
Ian Jackson is right to make the point that Budweiser is rubbish. In fact, never mind "you do the football, we'll do the beer" - how about Budweiser just fuck off and we do both?
I once drank ice(d) tea on a ferociously hot day in Macon, Georgia, USA. It was very nice.
from Pete Green
When Smokey sings
A postscript to my Sensi Soccer article: While 'researching' the piece I knackered my Competition Pro 5000. Clearly taking the previously sturdy bugger straight out of resting and giving it a vigorous session without any warm up was too much.
I browsed Ebay for a new 'stick. The closest I could find was second hand efforts, and given how dicey the switches are on joysticks it was with reluctance that I entered a bid for something I trusted would last a few months.
A few hours later I searched again, and found one, and only one, seller with a batch of brand new and unopened Competition Pro 5000s. The location of the seller? Grimsby.
from Simon Wilson
Letters Ed responds: Good choice of 'stick Sir. I never thought much of those wobbly joysticks. Fine for Daly Thompson's Decathalon, but where's the control for the more skillful games, eh?
This Grimsby tick of pluralising a surname that is in the singular form. Know the one I'm on about? Handysides. Lesters. Slades. Levers. Cummings (ARF!). How does it work? Is the object just to create the plural form? I'm Curious you see as to what happens with Williams. Is that job already done, or does it become Williamses? Maybe someone blessed by this wonderful affliction can help me.
from Dave Chambers
Letters Ed responds: It's not even consistent is it? Or reserved for particular players or managers. McDermott has never been McDermotts, for example, but Graham Rodger seems to have acquired an 's' overnight.
All of my heart
When you note that Russ is targeting a keeper do you think he means that the goalies shirt will be redesigned with concentric diminishing sized circles of differing colours thereby tempting the opposition to, subconsciously, aim squarely at the said wearer and hopefully force them to make a save (present keeper excepted). No! Just thought it was worth asking.
How to be a millionaire
Wow! A big thank you to all of your readers for helping me with my ice/iced tea problem. I will try all their suggestions over the next week.
Now, if I'd be as so bold, does anyone know a good recipe for traditional style lemonade?
from Chris Lee
Letters Ed responds: Damn you with your refreshing summer drink obsession
That was then but this is now
Some handy hints for the Town team from some experienced international players:
from Tony Rogers
King without a crown
It has been reported that foxes are damaging the pitch at Blundell Park, but before anyone calls for American air strikes on the walkers stadium and a blockade of the A46 it should be noted that Leicester fans have denied any involvement in this atrocity. They claim that they have no interest in the pitch at Grimsby as it will be at least 20 years before Grimsby play Leicester in a league match. They also point out that the picture on the official site could easily have been doctored to implicate an innocent fox. They point out that insurgents (possibly imps in fox masks) are the possible cause of this damage. The United Nations should investigate these claims before any action is taken.
from Keith Falla
The real thing
Just how many Welsh Mariners are there?
from Chris (South Wales)
Letters Ed responds: Is this like one of those 'How many tree surgeons does it take to change a light bulb' jokes?
re: Keith Falla's denouncement of Bateman's beers. Has this man not tried Summer Swallow? How surprised I was to find bottles of a 'local beer' in my local Sainsbury's, far located from Lincolnshire; and moreso to find the taste lovely and crisp, perfect for imbiding on balmy summer nights such as this. And far better than that iced tea nonsense you are all raving on about.
from Tony Rogers