Cod Almighty | Postbag
Postbag: insert letter here
7 September 2006
This week the postbag brings to you such diverse topics as sparklers, capitalism and old and young Bristols. God help us all. Or me, at least. The rest of you can go to hell.Please send your random abuse, mental blatherings and other assorted nonsense to firstname.lastname@example.org. Ta.
So have you finally kow-towed to that weaselly lawyer from last season in not putting up the full fixture list? Boo, sort it, etc.
Letters Ed responds: I'm told that this will be sorted very soon. Right Si? Isn't that right, Si? Si? Didn't you say, ages ago in fact, that you'd get it sorted, Si? Didn't you? Eh?
Whadda ya wan?
Where the heckedy heck do you drag a word like 'wan' from? The dictionary I'm sure, but to have had that in your everyday lexicon is just weird.
from Ian Jackson
Letters Ed responds: Oh, and 'lexicon' is just fine isn't it. A day doesn't go by where I don't throw the word 'lexicon' in to conversation with some random punter at the bus stop. "How's your lexicon, mate?"
Statistical nonsense and meaningless garbage
Why are you lot still letting that fool Andy Holt loose with his doom and gloom statistical nonsense? I thought you might have seen sense and got shot of him in the summer. No-one wants to read his rubbish take on the season through numbers. History means nothing. What possible influence can the 1920/21 season have on the team now in 2006/07? Meaningless garbage!
I do like the Factfiles, by the way. A useful page every week. Thank you.
from Harry McSwegan
Letters Ed responds: Well, if we don't keep him occupied with numbers, he starts pestering people to buy t-shirts. You have been warned.
"Tony Butcher must be skating on thin ice by referring to Son Of Futch as Fen Butcher. Hereafter he must be referred to as Bony Tutcher, which sounds WRONG."
Dan Humphreys must be skating on thin ice himself. I have never, ever referred to the son of his father by that soubriquet bric-brat or nickname. Young Dan, who is known to be in the legal profession, would do well to apply some of his work skills to his CA e-mailing. Check your facts before you print, litigation is costly.
from Tony Butcher
Had much fun reading your writing. However, must point out that The City are not our "elder" brother, but decidedly younger. As for the rest....as you were!
Letters Ed responds: That's not what they told us.
Give us your money
Do I get a finder's fee for Cod Almighty's new reader?
from Al Wilkinson
Letters Ed responds: Look, poets are supposed to be poor and destitute. It just wouldn't seem right to break this trend. Now get back to your cell.
Help the aged
What's happened to Moley Merkin? I miss the rambling old sod.
from Bob McSquirter
Law unto himself
On Saturday afternoon I tried to take away the bad taste of Gary Jones being booed against Macclesfield by watching Sheffield v Retford United in the FA Cup. Imagine my horror and surprise when I discovered that Sheffield's star striker Rob Ward had been nabbed by Nicky Law's Buxton. If Law had shown this sort of nous in the transfer market in 2004 then Town might still be enjoying the glory of third division football.
from Pete Green
Letters Ed responds: Yeah, and we might still have Nicky Law as manager.
Well, so much for signing Jermaine McSporran, eh? What on earth was that Chester newspaper on about? Still, it's a shame. I'd rather have McSpozza who's scored a few in his time than some Premiership youth team striker who still looks like he's 14 and hasn't begun shaving weekly yet.
We really need to do something though, don't we? With Reddy now out for a bit and Cohen still knackered it's a bit much to expect Rankin and Jones to save us single-handedly. Especially since Jones the Lump has been playing like Jones the Limp this season. Put the weight back on, Lump, it's clearly what's wrong.
Speaking of pies, have you tasted them at Blundell Park yet this season? I don't know about what you think, but they definitely seem to be different this year. A big improvement too. I had two on Friday they were so nice. They were only spoilt by the performance. Brought a nasty taste to my mouth. Sure, they played well at times, but were rubbish at others. Bring back the real Bolland. This cheap knock-off version is a shameful imitation. Boshell impressed though. Maybe him and Harkins are the key. But would Grezza drop Bolland? I doubt it. Seems to be a manager's favourite already isn't he? Based on last year's form I can see why, but this year he's been worse than Stuart Campbell crossed with Danny
from Frank Jubilee
Letters Ed responds: Crossed with Danny who? Come on... don't keep us on tenterhooks like this.
Softly, softly, catchee monkey
I note from Ballpark Figures that one season where we had a lower points tally at this stage was 1997-98. As I recall, we drew several games and lost a couple before getting a win at Fulham that owed a lot to defensive resilience and not much to creative flair. The pub I went to afterwards was full of long Town faces saying how shit we were (that is, their mouths were saying that. No one had actually tattooed it on their foreheads, although as it seems to be the fixed position for some "supporters", they might just as well). I didn't see them seven months later to ask if it was still their opinion.
Before anyone writes, I'm not making any analogies, but a bit of patience now and again would not go amiss.
from Pat Bell
Letters Ed responds: Well said that man.
Cod Almighty in capitalist sell-out shocker
I must admit I admire the policy taken by your website on advertisements. Imagine my surprise therefore to find adverts appearing in my email inbox with a codalmighty theme! Surely this must be a rival site mocking you? or have you finally succumbed to the power of capitalism?
from Paul Wright
Letters Ed responds: We've traced the offending e-mail to our over-zealous T-shirt vendor. He needs putting on a leash, the filthy capitalist swine. Rest assured that your hardline communist postbag editor has made amends for this error by burning all of the remaining T-shirts, along with any money made from them. Andy Holt has been sent to the salt mines.
Money well spent
Town are going to get beat again at the weekend, aren't we? The Mariners and Curtis Woodhouse both. I've got a ticket for me and my missus to go along to the Grosvenor on Friday, just so we can watch him get punched in the head a lot. £50 a pop though. It'll be worth every penny.
from Billy Bodshon
T-shirt too far
How long until you succumb and produce "Humberston isn't in Cleethorpes" t- shirts?
from Ron Higson
Letters Ed responds: Oh, don't go giving our T-shirt seller ideas. He's got himself into all sorts of scrapes already.
The Diary, or a correspondent of the Diary, asks 'how do you like beer served?' My preference is with the tight white head, that is via a sparkler. OK, I'm from these parts and it is the 'culture'. However, I am well travelled (been to London) and I can honestly say that the ritual of pulling beer is the reason for my love of the sparkler.
With the sparkler the bar person has to have training, they need to use a certain finesse and they need to know what they are doing. They also make you wait between one and five minutes before topping the pint up and presenting the liquid for consumption. In this time delay, providing the pub isn't busy, there is time for a chat and a discussion about the weather.
In London, where the sparkler isn't often employed, the bar person wallops out a flat pint full to the brim in three pulls (about 10 seconds if you are lucky), swipes your cash without a word and leaves you to it. No conversation, no interaction or any kind. This kind of bar person has not had training in beer pulling or in social etiquette. So as a ritual of pub going, I go for the sparkler everytime. Taste usually isn't impaired without it though.
You did ask.
from Ian Jackson
Letters Ed responds: A what? Eh?