Cod Almighty | Postbag
Letters: anyone want a Danny North T-shirt?
2 March 2009
This edition of the postbag introduces our new game- spot the scapegoat of the fortnight. Its fun, and its easy to play, and it brings its own rewards. Spot who the Letters Editor would like to carry the can for the next fortnight, with our subtly placed clues in the responses below, then find out the thrilling answer in the very last response of all. Send us your letters please
Fishing on Chapmans Pond
I used to fish Chapmans Pond as a teenager and would love to fish it again after over 45 years. Is there any way it can be fished? who do I contact or what is necessary to be able to fish it again? I would be most grateful of any information.
from Tony Bradsell
Letters Ed responds: Hmm, the blank looks I've had from the CA team suggest we don't fish, we don't live anywhere local to the Pond, or both. You could maybe try the Council... I did find there's a Chapman's Pond in York which has a much bigger internet presence: is that enough to stir up some anti-Yorkie prejudice?
Do you do Danny North T-shirts or Ryan Bennett T-shirts ???
from Jade Austin
Letters Ed responds: While the latter suggestion sounds plausible, I suspect that the chances of a Danny North T-shirt are slimming at about the rate his reputed eating habits ... are not.
Hi, Isn't today's Diary (17th February) forgetting something: "Black and white stripes with black shorts, that'll do." This bespoke kit lark might be a chance for CAMRED to rise again and get the red socks back for next season's Fourth Division title campaign. Cheers,
Letters Ed responds: As a kid, I hand painted red socks on the black and white striped subbuteo team to make them truly Grimsby, but just now, I'll happily have us play in purple socks if it ensures we're in a position to have any kind of fourth division campaign next season.
As we enter the last year of this noughty decade can I suggest a new T-shirt to summarise? A picture of a half empty Pontoon Stand with the slogan "Where were you when we were shit?"
from Sean Carr
Letters Ed responds: Or we could ask Danny North to sit in the Pontoon to make it look full.
Grimmo Dictionary (and more T-shirts)
I remember many years ago when I was a pupil at South Parade juniors that we used to refer to sideburns as 'Bernard's or 'Sidney's'. If it was a remarkably fine pair of sideburns they might even have been 'Bernard Sidney's' (think Amos from Emmerdale Farm or that copper that used to be on duty at Blundell Park, ironically nicknamed Amos). Quite ridiculous I know but even now, 20 plus years on, I still think it's piss-funny. I even recall saying to friends around the time (after a new haircut) "Dig your Bernard's". God, the crazy things we used to do as kids eh? None of this Happy-Slapping or Twocking. We were quite content with ripping the piss out of each other and playing football in the playground with a tennis ball. Happy Days. I wonder if this sounds familiar to anyone else or I have I remembered some specific-to-the-dills-of-south-parade-juniors lingo?
P.S. Grimmo Dictionary would be a top idea for a CA T-shirt or two don't you think?
P.P.S. Does anyone out there remember the Milky Bar Kid? No, not the one from the adverts but the 'real' one that used to stand in the top corner of the Pontoon circa. 1991/2 (ish)? We used to sing about him and too him in-between renditions of 'Let's go fucking mental' and 'It's nice to know your here...' etc.
from Ben Gresswell
Letters Ed responds: Maybe the Milky Bar Kid, revolting oversweet chocolates manufactured by a firm that's not above peddling powdered milk in countries where they don't have clean water and all, was eaten by a reserve striker who this time last year was winning a fourth flight player of the month award.
Dear CA, Thought your readers may be interested to know that the March 09 edition of field sports periodical 'The Field' contained the following typically patronising mention of our hallowed town in its final page column which is entitled The Howard's Way: "I tried the telly.... Having discounted Living Without Money, Real Crime: Murder at Harvey Nicks, Celebrity Big Brother, and a programme about a couple from Grimsby with a budget of £235,000 to emigrate to Australia (good God, £235,000 - had they owned all of Grimsby?), my eyes rested on The Hunt for Britain's Tightest Person." How rude. Best,
from William Douglas
Letters Ed responds: Expecting Grimsby to be mentioned respectfully? It's political correctness gone mad.
Even more T-shirts
I'm interested in selling your shirts through our network of stores. Do you wholesale? The stores we work with are aggressively buying new apparel for the season. If you want to make a push, now's the time. We work hand in hand with buyers from thousands of department stores, apparel retailers, large chains, mail-order catalog companies and Internet shopping sites. We need a larger variety of shirts they can choose from, hence my email to you. If you're interested in selling your pieces to more stores visit us at [link deleted]. We guarantee sales.
from David Thibos, Director of Merchandising
Letters Ed responds: Cod Almighty T-shirt man replies: Dear David I don't think, in actuality, you are remotely interested in our T shirts. We don't fancy a push - now is not the time, nor ever will it be. I'm glad you work hand-in-hand with all those thousands of big posh shops. At least you have a hand to hold. Unlike us who have a team rooted near the bottom of the bottom division desperate for cash. Please send us some - you must be frightfully rich what with all your go-getting, and aggressive th
Sharing the blame for Morecambe
Sorry it's my fault - not Messrs Newey, Bore, Barnes etc. I should've known better than to leave the PC when we were 2-0 up. I was so elated by the scoreline that I went downstairs to relay the news to my wife & daughter - although should've known better than to expect any response not only because they've never been further north than Chipping Sodbury but were also slavering over Colin Firth in thesixth playing of Pride & Prejudice this month. I was just pouring the milk in my tea when the premonition hit me that we'd thrown the poxy game away. I even half-thought it when I was on my way downstairs - but then I thought no we can't do that every game, our luck's got to change at some time - but bugger me by the time I'd got back we've done it again. It's like having the winning lottery numbers for the wrong week. Bugger! Bugger, bugger, bugger!..................................bugger!
from Bob Davies
Letters Ed responds: No Bob, you are not to blame, it is our Scapegoat of the Fortnight, stand up... Venus, for being in Scorpio this month.
Back in a fortnight, as long as you send firstname.lastname@example.org some letters.