Fixtures and results so far
Poetic fixtures
Player profiles
Contract tracker
Articles
Features
Jinx
The Meek that was
Stats
CA man of the match
CA un-man of the match
04-05 vs 05-06
Progress chart
Curse of the ex
Ballpark Figures
Season preview
Rough guide
The Cardiff experience
Your thoughts
Season review
The season in pictures
World Cup 2006
Mat's betting tips
Meek's World Cup clichés
They played against Town
What came before
Review previous campaigns covered by Cod Almighty
2004-05
2003-04
2002-03
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Welcome to the club shop – now stocking a wide range of items for GTFC fans all over the world.
Booing Mariner Pez dispenser
Tired of booing for 90 minutes? Throat gives out after a quarter of an hour's continuous booing? Then this is the solution for you. Simply press down the Booing Mariner'sTM head to emit varying sounds of disapproval. Also dispenses Pez sweets in case you get a bit hungry.
Double-sided scarf
Until now, the fickle fans among us have had to throw their scarves on the floor when they changed their tune from "Grimsby 'til I die" to "Booo, this is rubbish Town!" This will happen no longer with our latest range of double-sided scarves. One side shows your undying support for the club for when they're winning, but when it all goes sour simply turn it over to reveal that you never really liked them anyway. From fan to fanny in seconds – at no extra cost.*
* Scarf user may lose dignity and respect of others
Football Chairman 2005
Get the latest instalment of the award-winning computer game for PC, Playstation or X-Box. Become chairman of your favourite club and show them how it's done. In this true to life simulation you can:
pump millions of pounds into your struggling local club and get nothing but abuse in return from the locals
spend three times the club's wage budget on a single central defender from China
ban the local media from your ground
sack your most successful manager for drawing away at Portsmouth
forget to pay your tax bill
take season ticket holders for granted and offer free tickets to whingeing no-good stay-away Premiership fans
NEW With the just-released Rubbish Manager 3 Add-on, you can now sign Nicky Law to manage your club. Watch with amazement as Nicky signs ageing has-beens and never-will-bes to aid your club in its rapid descent to the Conference.
Rose-tinted glasses
No longer will you leave Blundell Park with a frown on your face. With our super hi-tech rose-tinted glasses, even the heaviest home defeat will feel like a 5-0 win. Dance around the pub with a smile on your face while others hang themselves from the rafters.
Shit-tinted Glasses
Face aching from having to force a smile for the first time in your life as your team romps to a 37-0 away victory? NO MORE! By using reverse technology on our award-winning rose-tinted glasses we have devised a product which means you'll never have to smile again. Be the envy of your friends as you stand up to sing "sack the board" after your team score their eighth goal in a game. Boo the players the day before the match. Tell your friends that you'll never buy a season ticket until the chairman, players, manager, assistant manager, tea lady, groundsman and disabled supporters' club coach driver are all fired.
Purple face paint
Fed up with the football you're watching but want to let others around you know how angry you are? Find that you make the right noises but you just can't get those blood vessels to burst on your face? Let us do the hard work so you don't have to. With our new non-drip purple face paint, just apply a thin layer to even the most peaceful-looking features to turn yourself into a purple-faced monster.
Can be combined with the Booing Mariner Pez dispenser for effortless whingeing.
Tax debt
Few outstanding bills and plenty of disposable cash? Then help keep the Mariners afloat by paying off their tax debt. With this letter you just fill in your details and sign the bottom and the Inland Revenue will transfer debt* from the club to you. Ideal for fans who are planning to commit suicide, go into hiding, or rob a bank.
* Available in £10,000, £20,000, £50,000 and £750,000 denominations
Disloyalty Bonus Card
Turn up for one match a season? Get a free ticket because the club is trying to get people to the match? Then this is the card for you. This completely FREE card will allow you to:
be first in line to buy tickets for big cup matches
leave the ground 20 minutes before the end
cheer Premiership results
get anything for free including pies, shirts, keyrings, a season ticket holder's seat, etc.
Grimsby Road bus timetable
Want to leave early but not sure if there'll be a 9F on Grimsby Road at 4:30? No longer will you suffer this fate. Get our handy bus timetable and plan which minute* of the second half you will leave before the match has even started.
* Does not include times after 4:45 for Saturday
Premiership shirt
Want to stand out in the Pontoon and make other people notice you? Pledge your true support to your favourite team by wearing one of these fashionable Premiership shirts*. Current stock includes Chelsea, Man Utd and Liverpool.
Combine with the Disloyalty Bonus Card to really be the envy of your friends.
* Wigan tops available for the delusional
The Frenchman v2.0
Feeling a bit meek when talking to others? Struggling to get your voice heard in important meetings? Get your point of view over with The Frenchman. Just take him out of his case and watch him go. The latest version of The Frenchman comes with improved arrogance and penalty-taking functions. We're sure you'll never struggle in meetings again with our genuine, bona fide Frenchman.*
* Made in Africa
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