Fixtures and results so far
Al Wilkinson's poems
Man of the match awards
Un-man of the match awards
What came before
Review previous campaigns covered by Cod Almighty
The post-match factfile – explained!
Befuddled by some of the more whimsical aspects of Cod Almighty's post-match factfile? Don't worry – we are too. But here's an explanation of the various sections that make the factfile what it is. Good luck!
Sponsors' man of the match
For home games only. As announced over the tannoy as we dejectedly filter out of Blundell Park at the end of another Saturday afternoon. Laugh as the fans still leaving look at each other and go "eh?" in amazement at the inexplicable verdict of some local fire extinguisher salesmen. Wonder if they saw the game at all through the haze of McMenemy's finest Bulgarian white wine.
Cod Almighty man of the match
Self-explanatory. Sometimes we might give half an award here, if nobody's been that great, or at other times we might hand out more than one of these, if Town have been really amazing. So, quite rarely then.
Cod Almighty un-man of the match
Awarded occasionally for incompetence above and beyond the call of duty. Very occasionally now that Tom Newey has left.
The debutantes' balls
A special close look at any player making his debut for the Mariners.
The Tommy Forecast
And now the Tommy Forecast, issued by the Cod Almighty Met Office on behalf of the Maritime and Coastguard Agency at 17:00 GMT today. General synopsis... oh, you get the idea.
Their gaffer says
A choice quote taken from the post-match press conference.
Our gaffer says
"I can't believe we lost because we played really well," or words to that effect, usually
Cod Almighty says about them
Our usually quite snidey summing-up of the opposition.
Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?
Were the Town fans helping or hindering the cause? Both have been known, you know! Whether the Grimsby 'faithful' were supporting properly or booing our goalkeeper because the wind was blowing his goal kicks into touch, this bit of the factfile is where you find out.
Was the referee bloody awful or merely crap? This section of the factfile analyses the performance of the adjudicating official and awards a mark out of ten, to three completely unnecessary decimal places.
Barry Conlon's carbon footprint
Something to do with the miles we travel to get to the match. I think.
Has one of the other team's players dared to depart from the footballer's standard-issue sensible hairstyle? Damn his insistence on doing anything differently or thinking for himself!
Take the positive
Even amid the despair and bitterness of defeat there is always cause for hope. No, really. The post-match factfile ends on a high by helping you find it.