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The post-match factfile – explained!
Befuddled by some of the more whimsical aspects of Cod Almighty's post-match factfile? Don't worry – we are too. But here's an explanation of the various sections that make the factfile what it is. Good luck!
Sponsors' man of the match
For home games only. As announced over the tannoy as we dejectedly filter out of Blundell Park at the end of another Saturday afternoon. Laugh as the fans still leaving look at each other and go "eh?" in amazement at the inexplicable verdict of some local fire extinguisher salesmen. Wonder if they saw the game at all through the haze of McMenemy's finest Bulgarian white wine.
Cod Almighty man of the match
Self-explanatory. Sometimes we might give half an award here, if nobody's been that great, or at other times we might hand out more than one of these, if Town have been really amazing. So, quite rarely then.
Cod Almighty un-man of the match
Awarded occasionally for incompetence above and beyond the call of duty. Very occasionally now that Tom Newey has left.
Their gaffer says
A choice quote taken from the post-match press conference.
One of our gaffers says
"I can't believe we lost because we played really well," or words to that effect, usually.
Us
A brief summary of Town's performance.
...and them
Our usually quite snidey summing-up of the opposition.
Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?
Were the Town fans helping or hindering the cause? Both have been known, you know! Whether the Grimsby 'faithful' were supporting properly or booing our goalkeeper because the wind was blowing his goal kicks into touch, this bit of the factfile is where you find out.
Official warning
Was the referee bloody awful or merely crap? This section of the factfile analyses the performance of the adjudicating official and awards a mark out of ten, to three completely unnecessary decimal places.
Accentuate the positive
Even amid the despair and bitterness of defeat there is always cause for hope. No, really. The post-match factfile ends on a high by helping you find it.
Eliminate the negative
What aspects of Town's performance we hope are not repeated in forthcoming games.
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