Cod Almighty

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Diary

Your day-by-day glance at the goings-on at and around Town.

Saturday 30 November
A promising position slips from Town's hands as Muzzy Izzet's late wonder goal wraps up all three points for ten-man Leicester at Blundell Park this afternoon. James Scowcroft scores early for the visitors, but the pendulum swings Town's way after the interval as Frank Sinclair is sent off on 50 minutes and John Oster equalises just afterwards. Izzet's strike, though, makes the final score 2-1 to the midlanders in a game watched by 7,310. Town remain fourth from bottom, with Brighton, Bradford and the Wendys losing and Stoke scraping a draw at Gillingham.

The Diary went all swoonsome at half time today and will have the chance to fall for Big Georges's Gallic charm all over again. The ankle-biting wonder was brought out at Blundell Park this afternoon with news that he's signed a contract with the club until the end of the season. Go get 'em Le Tigre!

Friday 29 November
Terrifying continental Georges Santos will sign a new six-month deal with the Mariners in the next day or two, but lacks sufficient fitness to contend for a role in tomorrow's clash with Leicester. The cataclysmic midfielder is quoted by BBC Humber Sport: "We've both agreed on the terms, so that's good news and I'm very happy to come back to Grimsby."

The BBC Humber Sport website joins the Grimsby Telegraph in trailing the imminent return of Michael Boulding. The supersonic forward returned to Aston Villa yesterday after Sheffield United decided not to extend his loan, and Town boss Paul Groves is now widely reckoned to be hot on his heels with an offer to come back to Blundell Park, where he made his name by scoring lots of goals at the end of last season. But heed ye the words of Blades manager Neil Warnock, whose avowed sole purpose in life is to piss me off. "He's a United fan and has lots of ability," smirks the evil get, "and it's possible he may come back at some stage."

Anyway, team news for tomorrow. Town are at home to Leicester, as you probably know, and the only change to the line-up from last weekend's XI will be the return of former Foxes midfielder Paul Groves, who will probably draft himself into the Town defence in place of the suspended Simon Ford. For the latest updates from the visitors' dressing room, you will have to look elsewhere, as the Diary has just got back from the pub and doesn't really feel up to it, and is a bit scared anyway, because Leicester are really good. Sorry.

Tickets for GTFC's first ever Fans' Day should be on sale at tomorrow's game - from the club shop or various vendors strategically positioned around the ground. If you want to buy one - or, as the Diary would urge, more than one - then click here; if you want to know more about Fans' Day then click here.

And finally...Town's official site has mischievously instigated a debate on whether the club kit should revert to its original chocolate and blue quarters, as it was in the days when GTFC used to play home games on the Ploggers, or whatever it was. The Diary thinks diehard black and whites can still sleep soundly in their beds, but would like to take this opportunity to call for the reintroduction to the kit of red stockings, as they used to be called when we first went to Blundell Park.

Thursday 28 November
Yesterday Georges Santos seemed so far away; now it looks as though he's here to stay. The latest chapter in a transfer tale with more twists and turns than a Neil Woods dribble sees the midfield annihilator back at Blundell Park today, having finally agreed a contract to replace the deal that ran out a month ago after just five memorable appearances. The other bit of good news is that the three-match suspension Santos incurred for his thoroughly unjust sending off against Rotherham is deemed by the authorities to have been served, so as soon as he signs he's back in the team. Welcome back, Georges. The Diary is already reaching for its thesaurus.

The much-missed Bradley Allen, meanwhile, has signed for third division Bristol Rovers after his surprise release by Peterborough. The gifted forward, whose partnership with Michael Boulding was instrumental in keeping Town in Division One last season, was expected to join Carlisle, but hasn't, obviously.

Speaking of Michael Boulding, the somewhat nippy striker is on his way back to Aston Villa - and if today's Grimsby Telegraph is to be believed, he could be heading up to Cleethorpes before he's even taken his coat off. Boulding's loan spell at Sheffield United has ended, and our local paper for local people says Paul Groves is looking to bring him back to Blundell Park - possibly in time for Saturday's meeting with Leicester.

Wednesday 27 November
Cod Almighty's unique Fans' Day scheme has received the public support of Mariners chairman Peter Furneaux. The idea is that Town fans themselves will sponsor the Bradford game on New Year's Day and raise money for the club and youth set-up via a great big raffle with some awesome prizes. In last night's Radio Humberside phone-in Furneaux said the club was very grateful for our idea and time. Awww! So hey, buy a ticket, why don't you.

John 'Five Star Fish' Fenty has emerged as the new major shareholder in the club after yesterday's bout of ritual bloodletting in the boardroom. I don't mean that literally. That would be terrible. Fenty's purchase of shares from outgoing directors Colin 'Costcutter' Graves and Dudley 'Son of Ron' Ramsden means he now holds the largest single stake in GTFC. The Diary isn't terribly interested in all the backroom politicking - excepting our hope that shareholder and former chairman Bill Carr will finally agree to the release of hundreds of thousands of pounds' worth of unissued share capital - but is relieved to learn that as the new power behind the throne Mr Fenty is a staunch backer of manager Paul Groves. He also has some inspiring words about light and tunnels, which you can read in the Grimsby Telegraph if you like.

Admirers of Georges Santos' euphemistically-described 'all-action style' will be shoving people's faces in despair at news that talks between him and GTFC appear to have broken down irretrievably. The talented but explosive midfielder, who made big impacts of various kinds in his five October appearances for Town, had been in talks with the club over a new contract; but Paul Groves has decided to cut his losses and look elsewhere, telling today's Grimsby Telegraph: "I thought we were virtually there and sorted at one point, but the goalposts were moved...we can't wait forever." So farewell, Georges. The Diary enjoyed thinking of humorous epithets to describe you.

Non-playing staff at Blundell Park who took pay cuts in the wake of the club's pillage by the brazen whores of Carlton and Granada have now been fully reimbursed. Many employees were hit by controversial wage cuts of up to 20 per cent in the summer, but have now been repaid, according to Town chairman Peter Furneaux.

Tuesday 26 November
Winter is here, and that doesn't just mean a load of postponed home games and the misappropriation of Christmas by consumer capitalism - it's also time for the yearly shenanigans in the Town boardroom. No sooner has the club announced that its annual general meeting will take place on 19 December than two directors resign their positions, Colin Graves and 'Cuddly' Dudley Ramsden presumably having already planned to spend the day shopping or something. Word on the street is that both men have sold their shares to fellow director John Fenty, and that Ramsden is to become 'life president' of the club. The Diary pledges to keep you informed to the best of its ability, gentle reader; but we gave up trying to understand all the politics about three years ago.

All of which carry-on could make for interesting listening in tonight's Radio Humberside phone-in featuring Messrs Furneaux and Groves. Listeners can also tune in via Town's official site to the broadcast, which kicks off - not literally, one would hope - at 7pm.

Paul Wilkinson's reserve side lose 1-0 away at Stockport this afternoon, but to be fair, the reserve team is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish from the youth team. As is the first team, come to think of it.

Monday 25 November
Business news today, and the club has recorded a �1 million operating profit for 2002, announces today's Grimsby Telegraph, compared with a �2.3 million shortfall for 2001. If that sounds too good to be true, then that's because it is: the cash has - you guessed it - effectively been trousered already by the vultures of Carlton and Granada, as it has to cover the losses incurred to GTFC by the winding-up of ITV Digital, despite the fact that the parent companies could easily have afforded to meet the debt. So there's still no contract for Georges Santos.

Saturday 23 November
Town lose at Crystal Palace, as per every season; but today's 2-0 scoreline demonstrates a vast improvement on the 5-0 thumping meted out to Lennie the Loser Lawrence's rather less well managed team last year. Palace take the lead from a spawny deflection and Town make a good fist of fighting back, producing some decent saves from Alex 'ow, that hurt!' Kolinko. Ultimately it isn't Town's day, but at least Danny Butterfield doesn't make the scoresheet. David Soames is this week's young debutant, getting off the bench for 10 minutes at the ball; while John McDermott, as expected, makes it an incredible 600 appearances in the black and white. The Diary takes its electronic hat off to you, Macca.

Results elsewhere keep Town in 21st place, with Steve Scabba doing the Mariners an unintentional favour by opening the scoring in Sheffield United's 5-0 win over Bradford, who are rapidly becoming sucked into the swirling relegation vortex thing. Down in the Conference, meanwhile, our old friend Daryl 'Bungle' Clare bags a hat-trick as Chester jump on the 5-0 bandwagon at Margate's expense.

Friday 22 November
More loan news - and it's an early Christmas present for Town fans as John Oster agrees to a second month at Blundell Park, taking him up to the end of December. The prodigious winger has impressed greatly since joining on loan from Sunderland last month - scoring on his debut against Gillingham - but is so far unwilling to pledge himself to Town into 2003. "I'm happy here and enjoying it," he tells the Grimsby Telegraph. "If I wasn't I'd want to go back. But I don't want to commit to anything long-term." A 'Keep Oster' campaign would be tempting fate, really, wouldn't it.

'Wimbledon' forward Paul Robinson, who once kept Alan Shearer out of the Newcastle team and spent loan periods with Town this season and last, has joined third division Carlisle for three months. Robinson may hook up there with another skilful attacker with Grimsby connections in Bradley Allen, who is discussing a deal with the same club. Expect the Cumbrians finally to escape the bottom two places this season.

Stacy Coldicott and Tony Gallimore might just squeeze back into the Town line-up for tomorrow's trip south to face Trevor Francis's Crystal Palace. The duo both limped off in last weekend's draw with Preston but could return at Selhurst. Paul Groves and Darren Barnard - hopefully fresh from his exertions in helping Wales to a 2-0 win in Azerbaijan on Wednesday - stand by to fill in. Yes, exertions. John McDermott, having recovered from a calf injury, I think it was, is in line to return to the team in place of Wes Parker.

The 72 chairmen of Football League clubs have voted to accept the principle of salary capping and have formed a working committee to plot the course ahead. The proposal is that each club's total spending on player wages will not be allowed to exceed 60 per cent of its turnover - this figure later falling to 50.

Thursday 21 November
Remember our cuddly chum Georges Santos? Town boss Paul Groves is in last-ditch talks with the enthusiastic midfielder today in a bid to sign him for the rest of the season, and quite understandably wants the whole thing sorted out either way. Big Georges has spoken fondly of Grimsby from his current base in the south of France, but negotiations have so far foundered on the simple fact that he wants more money than Town want to pay him.

One player who will be with Town until next summer is goalkeeper Shaun Allaway. The England under-20 international joined the Mariners on an initial three-month loan to cover for the absence of Steve 'The Kitten' Croudson but has now signed up for the rest of this campaign.

Groves speaks warmly today of Jamie Pollock, who has called time on his efforts to resume his footballing career at Blundell Park and retired from the game. "During his spell here his attitude was exemplary," says Groves. "He worked hard to try and get fit and was a big influence on the younger players...who learnt a lot from his enthusiasm for the game and his determination." The former Crystal Palace, Manchester City, Bolton and Middlesbrough midfielder had been playing with Town reserves for several weeks but hangs up his boots at the age of just 28.

Town have confirmed that Simon Ford will receive only a one-match ban for his sending-off against Preston last weekend. The whole of North-East Lincolnshire was quaking in its waders at the possibility that the ace young defender would miss three games, but Ford will sit out only the Leicester match on Saturday week. The club is not appealing. I mean Grimsby Town FC are not to contest the suspension; not that Pier 39 is a really bad place to be. That's for you to decide.

Record appearance holder, club captain and saviour of mankind John McDermott is back in training, reports the Grimsby Telegraph, and is looking to play for Town for the 600th time this Saturday when the Mariners visit Crystal Palace. Godspeed, Macca.

Nationwide League chairmen are to meet today to discuss the introduction of a salary cap from next season to stop people like Geoffrey Richmond running clubs into the ground. After the adoption of a similar measure by the elite G14 group of boring fat moneybags European clubs, a proposal is in place that the total wages of playing staff should not be permitted to exceed 60 per cent of a club's turnover. Were the cap to be adopted, it is not yet known whether the GTFC board would still be blamed for everything from Kabba going to Sheffield to the firefighters going on strike.

After whipping up a whirlwind of criticism for its recent coverage of the nascent Grimsby Town Supporters Trust, the Diary would like to make clear its best wishes for GTST in helping the club and generally doing the trust thing, and everything. We think it's brilliant. It's just that the Diary likes to approach life with a touch of frivolity; well, there's plenty of seriousness in the world already, don't you think? We intended no slight upon GTST nor its organisers and regret that the Diary's playfulness has been variously misconstrued as sarcasm, sniping, contempt and whatnot. It really isn't.

Wednesday 20 November
After a series of pretend injuries forced the withdrawal of several players from the Wales team for today's European Championship qualifier against Azerbaijan, the Mariners' Vanilla Ice lookalike Darren Barnard claims a place in the starting line-up. His clubmate and compatriot Danny Coyne, who has also travelled to Baku with the squad, misses out, as the three goalkeepers ahead of him in the pecking order have been allowed to stay out late by their club managers.

Peter Furneaux and Paul Groves are to face the slings and arrows of outrageous Grimbarians next Tuesday evening, when a Radio Humberside phone-in will subject the Town chairman and manager to three hours of gormless, ill-informed abuse from a load of nesbits who haven't even been near Blundell Park since John Newman was manager. Sorry, I'm just in a really bad mood this morning. Town's official site will also cover the event, and fans are invited to email questions in advance to oldgit@gtfc.co.uk.

Dave Otter of Grimsby Town Supporters Trust has emailed Cod Almighty to point out that the vote we reported yesterday "was a legal requirement to establish ourselves as an Industrial and Provident Society". Flippant is the Diary's middle name, Dave, but we are happy to clarify matters by passing that on. Our apologies. Dave also takes issue with our apparently sceptical use of the word claim in reporting that 'The organisers claim a turnout of 200 fans', but as a non-believer in the existence of objective reality, the Diary is compelled to stand firm on this. Tell you what - we could do you a 'boldly assert', if that's any use?

The official site carries news of half-season tickets. Like most of the England batsmen we'll play it straight by telling you that they do offer supreme value for money. And what better way to ensure your seat for what's bound to be a thrilling run-in to the season?

Tuesday 19 November
Manchester United starlet Danny Webber was close to joining Town on loan last season, Paul Groves has revealed, only for news of the move to leak and other clubs to muscle in. "We were favourites to sign him," the Town boss recalls in today's Grimsby Telegraph. "But then it got out and one or two other clubs showed interest, the player got a choice, and he went to Watford." Groves is said to be keen on re-signing last season's goal hero Michael Boulding - who left in the summer in a doomed attempt to break into the Aston Villa first XI and is too good a player to prosper with the bludgeon tactics of his current loan club Sheffield United - but the clearly pissed-off manager is now keeping schtum about other transfer targets.

Town reserves - whose fixture schedule has been severely disrupted by the weather in recent weeks - are further lashed by the storms of a home defeat to Darlington this afternoon. See, it's easy, this metaphor lark. A first-half goal from David 'apparently nicknamed Digger' Soames is trumped by three strikes from the visitors, despite Paul Wilkinson's starting XI featuring four players with first-team experience, including Paul Groves and Terry Cooke.

The new Grimsby Town Supporters Trust has passed an important test as those in attendance at its inaugural meeting last night avoided philosophical meltdown by voting in favour of creating, erm, a Grimsby Town Supporters Trust. The organisers claim a turnout of 200 fans.

Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan - whose proportions, some might say, are coming to exceed those of his footwear - has attempted to add insult to the injury he has done Town by saying Steve Scabba was rubbish anyway. "With respect to Steve," he says, preparing to disrespect Steve, "no-one had heard of him three months ago. We sent him to Grimsby on loan and he came back a better player but he was only ever going to be fifth choice here." Yeah, cos Ade Akinbiyi is worth �2.2 million of anyone's money, eh Simes.

Former Mariners forward Bradley Allen is in transfer talks with perennial proppers-up of the league Carlisle after his current club Peterborough indicated that they are unlikely to renew his short-term contract, which expires in December. Brad's two-division descent will come as a surprise to many Town fans, for whom the skilful attacker has come to embody the old adage that you don't know what you've got until you lose it.

Monday 18 November
Organisers of Town's new supporters' trust are hoping for a good turnout at tonight's first meeting. Like similar trusts at dozens of other English clubs, the group hopes to invest funds in the club and secure an influence at boardroom level on behalf of the fans. The meeting takes place at Cleethorpes Memorial Hall, beginning at 7:30pm.

Today's 'early doubts' are Stacy Coldicott and Tony Gallimore, who may or may not miss out on this weekend's visit to Crystal Palace with injuries collected in last Saturday's draw with Preston. Gallimore limped off in the first half with an ankle injury - a damn shame, as he was playing really well - while Stace has strained some part of his anatomy or other.

Saturday 16 November
Town resume their early-season habit of gifting late goals by letting Preston sneak two in the last five minutes to make it 3-3 at Blundell Park this afternoon. Debit where debit's due, however, for yet another shocking refereeing performance as doubts persist over all three of the visitors' goals. An early opportunist strike from Stuart Campbell is annulled just before half time with a dodgy '10 yards forward for dissent' call on a Preston free kick; while magnificent team goals by Simon Ford and Darren Mansaram are tragically cancelled out by an iffy penalty and a header assisted by climbing all over Alan Pouton. Youth team graduate Wes Parker makes a surprise debut at right-back ahead of Iain Ward, who is being 'rested'.

Members of the Cod Almighty team make it onto the pitch before kick-off for a photocall in advance of Fans' Day - more of which to follow next week, so stay tuned, Town pickers - and Mark Stilton is particularly favoured with a hug from Mighty Mariner.

Friday 15 November
Latest team news for the Preston game tomorrow is that John McDermott is unlikely to be ready and Stuart Campbell is unlikely to be fit, while Alan Pouton should return after suspension and Danny Coyne declared himself fit after coming through training yesterday unscathed.

Sheffield United manager and torturer of young children Neil Warnock has signed Steve Kabba in a permanent deal worth just �250,000 to Crystal Palace. Trevor Francis can bloody sod off as well.

Thursday 14 November
Sheffield United manager and international war criminal Neil Warnock has today attempted to follow up his scandalous signing of Mick Boulding with the outrageous acquisition of Steve Kabba - but a deal has not yet been agreed. The former Town loan hero has spoken to the south Yorkshire long-ball thugs about a transfer, but both he and his club Crystal Palace are said to be looking for a permanent deal, while the Blades want an initial loan.

Town, meanwhile, will kick off against Preston on Saturday with Steve Livingstone and Darren Mansaram keeping their places up front as manager Paul Groves has drawn a blank in his search for a loan striker to replace Kabba. Today's Grimsby Telegraph reports that the Town boss had enquired after Sunderland's Scottish international Kevin Kyle only to find that the player was on the verge of a first-team recall. Groves' interest in Kyle explains why the player was also targeted by Neil Warnock, an anagram of which is 'Colin Wanker'.

Groves also hits out at internet rumours linking mysteriously omitted winger Terry Cooke with a loan move to Rochdale. "It's absolute rubbish," the manager tells the Grimsby Thunderer. "He's just fighting for his place here and we have a bit of competition now." Cod Almighty hereby invites the Town boss to nominate the next messageboard nesbit of the week.

The starting XI for the Preston match will also remain unchanged at the other end of the pitch after Danny Coyne, speaking to Radio Humberside this morning, declared himself fit. The nimble Welshman had been suffering from an achilles injury and earlier in the week was rated doubtful for the game.

Wednesday 13 November
Chris Thompson has been made available for loan. Released by Liverpool despite loads and loads of goals for their reserves, the Scouse forward joined the Mariners as part of the big intake of youthful talent in the 2001 close season - of which the great success story is Simon Ford - and made a handful of first-team appearances in the middle of last season without troubling the scorers. Thompson has recently returned to fitness following a long-term injury and the Mariners are looking for a lower-division club to have a lend and sharpen him up. Scunny would probably do.

Heavy rain around Cleethorpes means another frustrating postponement for Paul Wilkinson's reserve side, as today's home game with Mansfield has been called off following a 10am pitch inspection. The local weather is expected to be drier by Friday, though, so the weekend's first-team meeting with Preston at Blundell Park is not currently in jeopardy.

Tuesday 12 November
Blundell Park continues to give Holby City a run for its money as Paul Groves announces in a Radio Humberside interview that Danny Coyne and Simon Ford are receiving treatment for achilles injuries. Coyne, worryingly, has been carrying his for a week or two, and the strain was worsened in last Saturday's victory against Stoke. Groves also declared his intention to bring in another striker, but no names have been mentioned.

The Grimsby Telegraph reports that Paul Raven has turned down a three-month loan to third division Scunthorpe. Town's kid brother club had their bid to borrow the veteran defender approved by Paul Groves; but the player himself turned down the move in favour of a spell at Lilleshall to recover from his ongoing thigh problems. The standard of football is probably better there as well.

The Telegraph's wordplay today switches from the martial to the equine as it reveals that Market Rasen horse trainer person Michael Chapman has joined the board at GTFC. The war theme persists, however, as the usual homilies about the new director being a lifelong fan, Lincolnshire born and bred, ya-de-ya-de-ya, are followed by a curious non-sequitur about his dad having been in the Dambusters 617 squadron. Which is nice, but as far as we're concerned, Mike, your old man could have fought for Hitler as long as you've got a few bob.

Sluttish Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock continues to sniff round Town's sloppy seconds, this time with a bizarre bid to snatch Steve Kabba. The striker's mega-successful loan with the Mariners was abruptly terminated last week, when his parent club Crystal Palace grounded him. Warnock is likely to be disappointed in the short term, given that Palace are short of personnel up front; but a cynical Cod Almighty would not be at all surprised to see the Blades boss and enemy of humankind get his man at some point.

Monday 11 November
Captain John McDermott's absence from Saturday's win over Stoke was down to a calf injury picked up in training last Thursday, reveals today's Grimsby Telegraph. "We had to be very, very cautious," explains manager Paul Groves, "because he would have been out for a very long time. We are hoping it is not too serious and he can be back fairly quickly." Macca's scheduled appearance at the Britannia would have been his 600th in all competitions since the one-club man signed full-time for the Town in 1987.

A deal to bring Georges Santos back to Blundell Park is looking 'increasingly unlikely', according to Town's official website, although negotiations are ongoing. Paul Groves said at the weekend: "You never say never in football. We're still talking." Santos is currently chilling out with his family in the south of France while the club rap with his agent, but the dangerous but gifted midfielder has expressed a strong wish to return to north-east Lincolnshire. Well, you would, wouldn't you.

The Grim Telegraph's report on the Stoke game goes in for some tasteful World War I imagery to coincide with Remembrance Day - a nice touch, and sensitively handled throughout. All those wild, lawless Grimsby youngsters that the Riby Square newspaper tells us are terrorising the town's senior citizens will be sure to look on and learn a lesson in respect for their elders.

A member of the Cod Almighty team phones GTFC to order a ticket and is greeted with the message You're now connected to Grimsby Town ticket office. If you've come through to the wrong department, key 1. If even the club's first assumption is that people only ever contact the ticket office by mistake, then we really are in trouble.

Saturday 9 November
First-half goals at Stoke from Steve Livingstone - only his 50th in nine years with the Mariners - and a Stuart Campbell free-kick are enough for Town to leapfrog their hosts out of the bottom three. A Tommy Mooney penalty early in the second half gives the Potters hope but despite late pressure Town hang on for the three points. Rock and roll! Youth team prospects Wes Parker and David Soames make surprise appearances on the first-team bench - with Terry Cooke nowhere to be seen.

Friday 8 November
Town fans still reeling from the shock departure of Steve Kabba yesterday can take solace in the news that Paul Groves and Steve Chettle may be available for tomorrow's visit to Stoke. Both played 50 minutes of a specially arranged reserve match against Sheffield United yesterday, which Town won 3-2 with two of the goals coming from American trialist Jake Sagare. Groves may replace the suspended Alan Pouton in midfield. Darren Mansaram is expected to take Kabba's place up front, which could in turn spell a return to the 16 for young forward Jonny Rowan, who has been in prolific form for the reserves lately.

New Stoke manager Tony Pulis is pondering whether to start with Chris Greenacre up front. The highly-rated forward joined the Potters on a Bosman in the summer but is only now returning to action after an ankle injury that has kept him out for most of the season. Dutch winger Peter Hoekstra is also in contention for a recall after recovering from a calf strain.

"I know I'm going back to Palace but I think I'll only end up sat on the bench and I don't want that. I was starting at Grimsby and that's what I needed, to play and score goals." That's what the Grimsby Telegraph claims is Steve Kabba's feeling on his imminent return to Crystal Palace. We wanted you to play and score goals for Grimsby too, Steve.

Thursday 7 November
Crystal Palace have welched on their agreement to let Steve Kabba stay at Blundell Park for the rest of the season and recalled the player with immediate effect. He will not even be allowed to see out his original three-month loan agreement; he will not be available for the Stoke match on Saturday; he will not pass Go; he will not collect �200. One is tempted to observe that this is what happens when you trust a club stupid enough to employ both Trevor Francis and Danny Butterfield.

With yesterday's reserve fixture against Darlington being washed out, Town's second string are this morning playing a hastily-arranged practice match type thing against Sheffield United reserves at the Blades' training ground. And the big news is that the game will see the return of player-manager Paul Groves, who has been sidelined with a calf injury since limping off at Brighton in September. Which is nice and everything, but he isn't Steve Kabba.

The club has knocked together a video of the record-breaking (probably) 6-5 win over Burnley last week and is flogging copies for �12.99 - a super Chrimbo gift for that special Pontoonite in your life.

Wednesday 6 November
Lovable rogue Georges Santos is calming down in the south of France while his agent continues to talk terms with the Mariners, reveals today's Grim Telegraph. "I want to play for Grimsby and I want to play for Paul," says Santos. "I want to come back. I miss my England. I love my England." The cuddly midfield giant is still fuming at his sending-off against Rotherham last month, though, adding: "He punished me and not the other player. The referee said I punched him and I didn't. I pushed him, that's the difference. It's like with Patrick Vieira...". Calm blue ocean, Georges, calm blue ocean.

Youth coach Gary Childs is to visit the academy at Juventus in a bid to pick up a few ideas, reports the Grimsby Telegraph ("A Pizza The Action, By Juve!"). As part of a tour organised by the FA, Childs will spend five days in Turin learning that coaches in other countries don't always scream at kids to hoof the ball as far away and as quickly as possible.

After the agony last Saturday that was Mighty Mariner trying to lead the Pontoon in a rendition of that daft song we nicked from Sheffield United, Town's latest idea to 'improve' the match day atmosphere is to play a bit of music when we score, like they do at Watford and loads of other clubs who insult their fans by drowning out their goal celebrations with Top 40 hits from the 1990s. Cod Almighty urges all readers to protest in the strongest possible terms by emailing oldgit@gtfc.co.uk.

Following an 11am pitch inspection, today's scheduled reserve match with Darlington has been called off.

Tuesday 5 November
Town could make a move for former loan star Martin Pringle, who was released yesterday by Charlton. Or perhaps not; manager Paul Groves, rapidly mastering the art of non-commitment, has told the Grimsby Telegraph: "We'll have to look at his fitness. We might ask him to come up and train."

Welsh duo Danny Coyne and Darren Barnard have again been called up for duty with their national team - this time for the Euro 2004 qualifier against Azerbaijan on 20 November - but the squad will not assemble until after the Mariners' meeting with Preston on 16 November, meaning Dan and Daz will be free to play. There you go, Sir Alex; there you go Mr Bruce - play your games on a Saturday like any normal person and you won't have these club/country conflicts.

It's so far so good for the Grimmo Telegraph's 'Keep Kabba' campaign of emotional blackmail, with the object of the paper's adulation declaring himself touched by the reception he received in last Saturday's game against Gillingham. Whether Steve stays at Blundell Park on loan for the rest of the season is down to the player himself, who will raise a few hopes by saying: "I didn't realise how strongly everyone felt about it. It meant a lot to me to have that response. The fans should know they mean a lot to me too." I'm not crying; I've just got something in my eye.

GTFC have confirmed that Alan Pouton will sit out this Saturday's visit to Stoke after picking up his fifth careless booking of the season against Wolves on 26 October and incurring a one-match suspension. Cod Almighty will wait until Friday to speculate on how the midfield might be recast this weekend, because - let's face it - by that time, there could be another three injuries, two more loan signings, and a new FIFA directive on team formations for estuary town clubs whose names begin with G.

Monday 4 November
A buoyant Paul Groves has called on his players to show the same spirit that inspired Saturday's awesome display against Gillingham in this weekend's visit to Stoke. "We are getting better with each game," says the player-manager in today's Grimsby Telegraph. "We've taken some big strides forward and that's got to continue. We need to take that into the Stoke game." Victory at the Britannia would lift Town out of the bottom three for the first time all season. Groves also praises the contributions of loan signings Jason Gavin and John Oster, whose goal capped a tremendous all-round display and came close to clinching all three points for the Mariners.

Martin Pringle, who also made a big impression in a loan spell with the Mariners, has been released by his club Charlton. The 31-year-old Swede joined Town last season after lengthy rehabilitation from a broken leg, and early in his second game had it broken again by a savage, two-footed flying kick from Stockport thug Dave Challinor, who was punished with a very stern yellow card. Pringle is seeking another club but continues to train with Charlton in the meantime.

Town's official site has revealed, in the natural course of conversation about a win for the youth team at the weekend, that another trialist has arrived at the club - Nottingham Forest striker Nick Hegartey. Disappointingly for us, though - and presumably for Nick - there is no mention of the player on the Forest website. The only comparably monickered footballer Cod Almighty can find is the e-less Nick Hegarty, scorer of four goals this season for Glasshoughton Welfare in the Northern Under-19 Alliance.

Mariners Net also says GTFC youngsters Paul Fraser and Matthew Stares are trialing for the England under-18 schools team. Whatever that is. Sounds exciting though, doesn't it.

Continuing our habit of ruefully acknowledging goals scored by ex-Mariners, Cod Almighty gives a big shout to Jack Lester, who scored two and was instrumental in a third for Forest in their 3-0 weekend win over Sheffield United. Daryl Clare also struck twice in his debut for Chester City against Yeovil. The second was in the 90th minute and was enough to earn his side a late point. A reluctant nod of the head, too, towards south London and Danny Butternutsquash, who grabbed the winner in Palace's 2-1 win at Ipswich. We've heard it was a screamer of Van Basten-esque proportions from an impossible angle, but without further evidence we cannot believe it was anything more than a mis-hit cross.

Saturday 2 November
Having put the Mariners ahead against Gillingham this afternoon, prodigal loan signing John Oster is within five minutes of a fairytale match-winning return when Mark Saunders grabs an equaliser for the Gills. With Stoke and Sheffield Wednesday both losing, a win would have lifted Town out of the bottom three. This week's other loanee Jason Gavin partners Simon Ford in central defence.

Friday 1 November
After scouring the nation to bring in a central defender on loan in time for tomorrow's game with Gillingham, Paul Groves has signed Middlesbrough's Ireland under-21 international Jason Gavin on a month's loan. The Town player-manager swooped for Gavin after injuries to Paul Raven, Steve Chettle and Groves himself left young Simon Ford as the only recognised centre-back at the club with any first-team experience.

Alan Pouton is carrying a foot injury and is rated as having a 50:50 chance of playing tomorrow. His place in central midfield may be taken by Stuart Campbell. Campbell could be replaced on the wing by yesterday's loan signing John Oster or Terry Cooke, who impressed in the 6-5 victory over the Clarets. Sorry - I just have to keep reminding myself it really happened.

For Gillingham former Rangers, Leeds and Southampton striker Rod Wallace misses out with a hamstring injury, while Marlon King could return to the starting line-up for the first time since his early release from an 18-month prison sentence he received for handling a dodgy motor. One can only hope Carlton and Granada are aware of the depths to which they have reduced Nationwide League players.

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