Cod Almighty

daily independent coverage of Grimsby Town FC

Diary

Your day-by-day glance at the goings-on at and around Town.

Thursday 31 October
John Oster is back at Blundell Park! Probably one of the two or three most technically gifted players ever to grace the black and white stripes, the precociously talented winger made his Town debut in November 1996, aged about 12, and left for Everton for a record £1.9 million the following summer after a brief but glorious half-season of first-team action under Kenny Swain failed to stave off relegation to the second division. Having won four full caps for Wales but failing to secure a decent run of first-team action, Oster moved on to Sunderland in 1999 but couldn't get into the team there either, and has today returned to Cleethorpes on a month's loan in the hope of resurrecting both his career and Town's season.

Getting itchy fingers ahead of its annual 'Up the Mariners' rally in the spring, the Grimsby Telegraph is lauching a 'Keep Kabba' campaign to persuade the Mariners' on-loan goalscoring superstar to stay at Blundell Park for the rest of the season. Kabba's club Crystal Palace has given its blessing to the extension but the player is biding his time over a decision; and with three goals in the last two games, young Steven could be holding Town's first division fate in his hands. Come on Steve - you know you want to.

Town's offer of two free tickets for children with every adult ticket is being extended to this Saturday's clash with Gillingham - at the behest of manager Paul Groves, according to the GT. The club is already the cheapest in Division One to support, and offers like this are leaving armchair fans increasingly short of excuses.

"We tortured them football-wise," insists reserve team coach Paul Wilkinson of his team's 4-1 defeat at the hands of a strong and experienced Rotherham reserve side at Blundell Park yesterday afternoon, explaining: "The scoreline was not a reflection of the game." Wilko was impressed by the midfield performances of erstwhile forward Chris Thompson and long-term trialist Jamie Pollock - whose ears may have pricked sharply up at rumours of an irretrievable breakdown in negotiations with Georges Santos.

Terry Yorath, coach of lowly Sheffield Wednesday, has denied Town the chance to add his guts to their glorious trail of managerial carnage by resigning before we get the chance to play his struggling side.

Wednesday 30 October
Radio Humberside's John Tondeur is summoned for an early morning appearance on Radio Five Live to try and explain last night's unearthly goings-on at Blundell Park, where Town's pre-Hallowe'en clash with Burnley ended in an utterly bizarre 6-5 home win. Despite some heart-warmingly generous defending, Town were never behind in the game, thanks to goals from Steve Kabba (2), Steve Livingstone, Stuart Campbell, Alan Pouton and Simon Ford. "It was like a game of netball!" a still shell-shocked Tondeur tells the nation. The win puts the Mariners within striking distance of the teams immediately above them in the table.

Tondeur's appearance is followed by a short interview with Danny Coyne, in which the custard custodian is fatuously asked whether last night's game means he is the new David Seaman. "No," replies Dan shrewdly, "I'm Welsh." Burnley's English goalkeeper Marlon Beresford is nowhere to be heard.

Town's share of money from the new highlights package agreed this week with the villainous slags of ITV will be around £110,000. After the thrills and spills of last night GTFC might be well advised to invest it in a loan defender, as an injury to fourth-choice centre-half Paul Raven saw Town play most of the game with Tony Gallimore in the middle of the back line.

Cod Almighty today heartily congratulates Wimbledon supporters, whose boycott of Charles Koppel's loathsome franchise operation triumphed spectacularly last night as the official attendance for Milton Keynes FC's meeting with Rotherham was given as a league record low of 849. Power to the fans and the AFC! Meanwhile the Grimsby population's resolute boycott of GTFC proves almost as successful, with the club's innovative and indeed prophetic efforts to market last night's game as 'Fright Night' - with all kinds of free ticket offers and goodies for the kids - pulling in a 'crowd' of just 5,620.

Tuesday 29 October
The ineligibility of Furious Georges Santos for tonight's game with Burnley may be a blessing in disguise, given that your match official is the card-crazy Mr Paul Danson, who in 13 games this season has issued eight red cards. Whether Danson will end the appalling recent run of refereeing that has kept Town in the bottom three remains to be seen. Five years ago he became the first referee to be thrown out of the Premiership for being rubbish; but his record in officiating Town matches since is unusually even-handed, and he actually awarded us a penalty against Birmingham the other season.

The absences of Santos and probably Alan Pouton through injury mean Town player-manager Paul Groves will draft Stacy Coldicott and God knows who else into midfield this evening. Stuart Campbell could move into a central role, which ought to mean a return for the gifted and mysteriously omitted winger Terry Cooke. The otiose Steve Livingstone is expected to be retained up front. Burnley, meanwhile, are likely to name the same squad that relinquished a 12-match unbeaten run on Saturday with a 3-0 home defeat to tedious cash-splashers Portsmouth.

Hugely profitable TV companies Carlton and Granada, who swindled the Nationwide League out of £178.5 million in the summer by winding up their ITV Digital venture, plunging GTFC and dozens of other clubs into financial turmoil, are to pay the league about £5 million for some half-arsed highlights programme that will probably be screened at 3 o'clock on Tuesday mornings. A condition of the deal is thought to be that clubs refrain from publicly criticising the two enormous, cash-rich broadcasters, who have brought football as we know it to its knees. In response to which, Cod Almighty pledges to go on publicly criticising the rotten, greedy, cheating, bloodsucking vermin until they sue us.

Monday 28 October
This week's personnel crisis is in midfield, where difficulties over the renewal of big Georges Santos's contract have rendered the player unavailable for tomorrow night's game with Burnley - the last before his three-match ban kicks in, if you'll pardon the pun. The four-week contract Santos signed last month expired at the weekend, and a new deal had to be in place by noon today for the Nationwide League's answer to Patrick Vieira to have been eligible to face the Clarets. A Grimsby Telegraph report says negotiations are foundering on a £50,000-per-year salary cap imposed by the club.

Also missing on Tuesday night may be Santos's midfield partner Alan Pouton, who received a kick on the foot in Saturday's trouncing in Wolverhampton that required three stitches. No Wolves player was punished for the assault.

Saturday 26 October
Town take an early lead at Molineux through Steve Kabba, raising hopes of a repeat performance of the sweet 1-0 win last season that derailed Wolves' promotion bid. After Denis Irwin equalises from a dubious free kick, though, the Mariners very disappointingly lose all self-belief and let the Black Country underachievers score loads more goals. Steve Livingstone's performance in particular might charitably be described as rusty; and ace winger Terry Cooke - who many fans believe ought to be starting ahead of Stuart Campbell or Darren Barnard - doesn't even make the bench.

Contrary to blood-curdling imprecations from GTFC this week, it turns out that Town fans arriving in Wolverhampton without tickets are able to pay on the gate.

Friday 25 October
Paul Groves expects that the signing of all-action midfielder Georges Santos will be his last this season. The player-manager has told the Grimbo Telegraph: "We'd still like to add players but I can't really see that there's going to be any more additions...we have to work within our financial constraints." If you bump into Jake Sagare, Andy Pettinger or Jamie Pollock, then for heaven's sake don't tell them.

Ananova reports that Town have decided not to appeal the straight red card shown to Georges Santos in last weekend's draw with Rotherham, meaning that the player will now face a three-match ban. Had an appeal downgraded the card to a second yellow, Santos would have missed only one game. "I think it was a hard decision by the referee," says the player, "because I'm not a dirty boy or a nasty boy, I just play my physical game." The French phenomenon was sent off for shoving Rotherham's Darren Garner, who escaped with a yellow for shoving Santos. Oh, and scything him down with a two-footed lunge. Not that we're criticising the referee or anything.

Bright young thing Iain Ward is Town's key injury concern for tomorrow's trip to Wolverhampton after the promising right-back staggered off the pitch knackered late in the Rotherham game. Defender Mark Clyde and key midfielder Colin Cameron, recently out with injuries, are expected to return to the Wolves line-up, while captain Paul Butler returns from suspension.

Today's latest on the crazy saga of tickets for Wolves is that Town's official site insists that you won't get in if you don't buy in advance. We shall see.

You may have missed it, but on-loan keeper Shaun Allaway played for England last night. Danny Coyne's deputy, borrowed by Town from big club Leeds United, appeared for the national under-20 side in their 2-1 win against Germany in Dessau.

Thursday 24 October
American trialist Jake Sagare appeared for Town's second string last night in a specially-arranged friendly at neighbouring Brigg Town. Jonny 'Always scores twice for the reserves' Rowan scored twice for the reserves, with strikes from Chris Thompson and hot prospect Joe Lightowler - making the step up from the youth team - completing the 4-0 scoreline. Also on trial was Everton keeper Andy Pettinger, while young midfielder Chris Bolder continued his comeback from injury and Jamie Pollock his interminable quest for match fitness.

Town fans travelling to Wolverhampton this Saturday will not now need an advance ticket. The archetypal midlands sleeping giant had made the match all-ticket but has since announced that it will be possible to pay on the day after all. Would you believe it, eh?

Peter Handyside last night joined the long and illustrious list of former Town players to have found the net this season. Unfortunately for the Stoke City captain, it was Stoke City's net; but as own goals go it was a damn good one. One of the most brilliant defenders ever to grace the black and white stripes, Handyside left Blundell Park on a Bosman in 2001 after being woefully mismanaged by first Brian Laws and then Lennie Lawrence. Last night's slip meant his side went down 2-1 to Sheffield United (for whom Michael Boulding did not score this time).

The last, lingering vestiges of the Grimsby fishing industry could be swept away following a recommendation by EU scientists for a total ban on cod fishing in the North Sea. Their report says a complete moratorium is the only way to head off commercial extinction of the species, but industry figures have complained that the EU data and methodology are flawed, and are calling for the resignation of fisheries minister and Scunny MP Elliot Morley. Seems a bit harsh to blame him for decades of heedless, profit-driven overfishing, though; maybe Brian Laws would do instead.

Wednesday 23 October
Steve Kabba may wait until his three-month loan to the Mariners expires next month before deciding whether to stay with Town for the rest of the season. The tricky Crystal Palace forward, who seems to be improving with every game, has told the Grimsby Telegraph: "Everyone else seems to be wanting to rush it and get it done, but not me. I'm just taking my time and making my mind up." Eagles boss Trevor 'Slugger' Francis - amusingly overruled by his chairman over the extension of Kabba's loan - has told the player he would only be on the bench at Selhurst Park, which Kabba says is "no good" - but whether the young striker will seek first-team football at Blundell Park or elsewhere remains to be seen.

Tuesday 22 October
Hard-done-by hardman Georges Santos has spoken to the Grimsby Telegraph of his disappointment at his sending-off against gamesmanship experts Rotherham United last weekend. Santos now faces a three-match ban and - like his countryman and role model Patrick Vieira - feels that his reputation precedes him as far as referees as concerned. "I think the thing at Sheffield last season means that referees are looking for me to send me off," says the huge midfielder, referring to the 'Battle of Bramall Lane', where he received his marching orders for the attempted murder of West Bromwich Albion's Andy Johnson. Santos - who recently won the hearts if not the minds of Town fans with a tremendous performance against Watford - denies punching Rotherham defender Darren Garner in the incident that led to his dismissal last Saturday, correctly if chillingly pointing out: "If I gave him a lick - I am 6 feet 5 and he is 5 feet 2 - he would have been on the floor." You can't argue with him there; not that you would.

Former Town forward Mark Quayle, now with Conference side Nuneaton Borough, has been backed by his manager for a call-up to the England semi-professional side. During a brief spell with the Mariners in 2000 Quayle failed to break into the first team, but has averaged a goal every two games in his subsequent non-league career including 10 so far this season. Boro boss Steve Burr says: "His goals prove that he is one of the top strikers in the Conference and I would like to think he would have a chance of being in the England non-league side when that comes around." The player had spells with Everton and Notts County before his sojourn in Lincolnshire.

Money that originated with Grimsby fish fingers may help save first division rivals Leicester City from bankruptcy. Rich bloke David Ross - now with mobile phone retailer Carphone Warehouse but who emerged from the Ross frozen foods dynasty - is rumoured to be part of the consortium led by TV's Gary Lineker bidding to take control of the ailing midlands club, which applied for administration late last week.

Mariners stalwart John McDermott has been nominated for the BBC Radio Humberside Sporting Achievement Award for 2002. John is one of four nominees, the others being from east Yorkshire and involved in sports that aren't football. So who cares about them? Give Macca your vote.

Furious that someone has some money and is not giving it to them, the clearly destitute Premier League is seeking to prop up its desperately impoverished clubs by seizing control of the professional game from the FA. At a recent meeting representatives of the 20 Premiership clubs, many of whom had not eaten for weeks, began to twitch violently and foam at the mouth when it was revealed that the sport's governing body has earned a few quid from sponsorship of the FA Cup and England national team; and Cod Almighty has today received unconfirmed reports that gangs of muggers matching the description of Premiership chairmen have been targeting children asking "penny for the guy".

Monday 21 October
Hard-up Town could be set for a potentially life-saving cash injection of up to half a million pounds, if a report in yesterday's Observer is to be believed. The paper claims that the debt-ridden Nationwide League could be baled out by the guilt-ridden FA and Premiership to the tune of up to £15 million. The Mariners are one of many clubs with money troubles after broadcasting giants Carlton and Granada ruthlessly screwed the league out of millions of pounds by pulling the plug on ITV Digital last summer, and any such handout would go a long way to securing the club's future. While some may interpret this gesture as the 20 elite clubs acknowledging their responsibility to the rest of football, cynics may point out that Divisions One, Two and Three wouldn't be in this mess had the FA and the top clubs not shafted them by forming the Premiership in the first place.

Never exactly a haven of light and heavenly goodness, Blundell Park may take a step closer to darkness and hell and nasty spiky things next Tuesday for the visit of Burnley. The club is repeating its 'two free kids with every adult' offer - and will hand out £50 vouchers for the club shop to the nippers with the best Hallowe'en get-ups of the night. Veteran creature of the night Steve Livingstone is already polishing the bolt out of his Frankenstein outfit.

Most of Town's full-time playing staff have been given the day off today, says the official site, following the team's phenomenal performance against Rotherham on Saturday. Those members of the Cod Almighty team who were present at the game and are still recovering have already invited their bosses to display a similar degree of understanding.

Saturday 19 October
In a day of goals and red cards throughout the country, Blundell Park sees none of one and more than its fair share of the other. Nine-man Town battle tigerishly to a 0-0 draw against Rotherham after big nutter Georges Santos and Paul Raven are dismissed. Silly boy Santos receives a straight red for retaliation after 25 minutes despite previously being booked, and Raves receives his marching orders for a second bookable offence five or so minutes into the second half. The Mariners have their chances to steal all three points but at the end of the day must be glad to have got anything out of the match. One question on manager Paul Groves' mind after the game must be whether to continue in contract negotiations with the obviously talented Santos or whether the Cape Verde international is just too much of a hot-headed liability.

Elsewhere, ex-Grimsby lads Bradley Allen and David Nielsen find the back of the net, with on-loan Phil Jevons completing a hat-trick of players who've worn the black and white stripes scoring today.

Friday 18 October
Disproving reports earlier this month, leading scorer Steve Kabba has now been cleared by his club Crystal Palace to stay with Town for the rest of the season. The three-goal hotshot's mercurial dribbling skills have bamboozled several opposition defences and possibly even himself since he arrived on loan in August; and whether Kabba stays is now down to the player himself. We think he will, because he knows we like him.

Jamie Pollock says he is one week away from match fitness. The former Middlesbrough, Manchester City and Crystal Palace midfielder, who has been playing on a non-contract basis for Town reserves for the last few weeks, has told the official site: "I'm feeling pretty good now...what I need is to be playing in the league." Before joining the Mariners Pollock went 18 months without a game after falling out with the management at Palace.

Injury-prone defender Paul Raven may return to the Mariners' line-up for tomorrow's home game against Rotherham, subject to a late fitness test. Young right-back Iain Ward, who was recently named in last week's Nationwide First Division Team of the Week for his performance against Watford, should be fit, but first-choice centre-halves Steve Chettle and player-manager Paul Groves will miss out again. Chettle will sit out the next four to six weeks with his troublesome back while Groves' calf is still playing up. We told him he should have made do with a hamster.

Rotherham - who have nearly cleared their allocation of 1,850 tickets for the match - have defensive problems of their own, with Rob Scott and Chris Swailes both suspended. Manager Ronnie 'Ipswich are on the phone' Moore otherwise chooses from a full-strength squad.

Thursday 17 October
Man of the moment Georges Santos is believed to be back in training after recovering from the strain he picked up in last Saturday's defeat at Watford. Santos turned in a commanding performance at Vicarage Road as a makeshift centre-half; and his return allays fears that evanescent left-back Tony Gallimore - just returning from a three-match suspension - would have to fill in as a central defender for this Saturday's clash with Rotherham. A variety of life-threatening injuries continues to afflict every other centre-back within a 30-mile radius of the Dock Tower.

BBC Humber says Town's reserve team coach Paul Wilkinson may be targeted by second division Barnsley as a replacement for manager Steve Parkin, who the Tykes sacked earlier this week (together with his assistant, former Mariners legend Tony Ford MBE). This doesn't quite tally with what the Beeb reported nationally on Ceefax last night: that Barnsley's administrators would keep caretaker boss Glyn Hodges in situ until they are able to sell the club or are forced to wind it up - which, incidentally, is exactly what BBC Humber seems to be doing to us. If I paid my TV licence fee, I'd be outraged.

Wednesday 16 October
The club is in negotiations with combative midfielder Georges Santos over a longer-term contract, chairman Peter Furneaux confirmed in his Radio Humberside appearance last night. The gargantuan Frenchman signed a four-week deal with the Mariners last month and despite a spine-chilling, studs-up debut as substitute against Reading has impressed greatly in two full matches since.

Tuesday 15 October
Tony Gallimore is named in the reserves squad for this afternoon's match at Scarborough. The rock 'n' roll left-back has missed the last three first-team games through suspension following his sending-off against Millwall last month. As exclusively predicted by Cod Almighty, there is no sign in the squad of erstwhile trialists Jake Sagare and Jason Dimozantos, who were scheduled to figure in the reserves' last outing a fortnight ago but missed out after the club failed to secure international clearance in time.

Undeterred, the second string come out 2-1 winners as Jonny Rowan stakes his claim for a first-team recall by bagging both goals.

Mariners chairman Peter Furneaux pours cold water on recent scaremongering about administrators being appointed. "Because of what we did in the summer, there is no danger of us going into administration," he tells the Grimsby Telegraph. "We've seen the way forward and have planned for the next 12 months." The aged Town supremo also scotches daft talk of manager Paul Groves' days being numbered: "He did a wonderful job for us last year and his job is not in danger."

The chairman takes part in a Radio Humberside phone-in tonight, starting at 7:05. The discussion will be accessible online through the club's official site and you can read our notes here.

Monday 14 October
Injury crisis at Blundell Park! Yes, really. This week it's defence. Paul Groves, already deprived of his entire first-choice back four for last Saturday's visit to Watford, announces to the Grim Telegraph that Paul Raven, who was withdrawn at Vicarage Road after five minutes, may be gone for some time. Right-back Iain Ward, who was standing in for John McDermott, is also receiving treatment. Towering Georges Santos picked up a groin strain while deputising for Raven, who was deputising for Groves himself, who has suffered a setback with his calf injury. Last man standing is Simon Ford, who has recently replaced the knackered Steve Chettle. Cod Almighty urges young Simon to avoid Sol Campbell's favourite kebab house at all costs.

Saturday 12 October
The Mariners go down 2-0 at Watford, going behind to an early goal, dominating the next 75 minutes and then getting caught on the break. International nutcase Georges Santos plays a real blinder, dropping back to defence to replace Paul Raven, who limps off injured after five minutes. Our best mates Ipswich beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-1 to keep the latter within touching distance in the league.

Meanwhile a member of the Cod Almighty team is pondering watching a film at his local multiplex and notices that the new Jackie Chan film is directed by Kevin Donovan. No doubt this means Jackie will run into the baddies rather than leapfrog or run round them.

Friday 11 October
Town add to their proud list of managerial scalps as Ipswich dispense with the services of George Burley. Ooh, George, how dare you lose to Grimsby! Never one to miss out on the fun, Town's official site invites fans to predict the team's next victim. "Who will be the next boss to fall on his sword once the Mighty Mariners have ridden into town and galloped off with all the spoils?" it chuckles.

The latest Town rookie to benefit from the club being shafted by Carlton and Granada is Wes Parker, who has been registered with a first-team squad number ahead of tomorrow's visit to Watford. Reserve team coach Paul Wilkinson declares: "He is able to play in a number of positions, but at this moment in time he is playing right-back or centre-half in the reserves and impressing the staff with good, solid displays." If Parker makes the first-team squad he will follow in the recent footsteps of youth team colleagues Darren Mansaram, Iain Ward and Chris Bolder.

Another youth player, meanwhile, has been kicked out of the club. The contract of 17-year-old winger Freddy Cass has ended up in the shredder "for persistent infringement of club rules and regulations," Paul Wilkinson tells the Grimmo Telegraph, tapping his nose with his index finger.

The word from Cleethorpe Road Casualty is that Steve Kabba and Stacy Coldicott should be fit for tomorrow, while doubts linger over Paul Groves, John McDermott and Alan Pouton. Steve Chettle is still out. Watford are missing Heidar Helguson, Anthony McNamee, Paul Robinson, Micah Hyde and Marcus Gayle.

Thursday 10 October
Lee Ashcroft, who at £500,000 could remain Town's record signing 'til kingdom come, is training with second division Port Vale with a view to a transfer. The gifted but lazy forward joined GTFC in 1998 but moved on to Wigan two years later, where he has kept the bench lovely and toasty ever since.

Cult hero Steve Livingstone - who returned to first-team action on Tuesday night after recovering from a fractured skull two months ahead of schedule - has pledged his readiness to start this weekend's match at Watford if injuries elsewhere mean his unique services are required. Livvo tells the Grimsby Telegraph: "If I'm needed I'll give what I can."

Wednesday 9 October
As the only game last night in the top two divisions, Town's win over Ipswich makes it into the broadsheets, with the Times namechecking Pleasure Island and the Independent also braving the northern badlands. The Guardian's account, meanwhile, not only resorts to the stock "lowly Grimsby" epithet but claims that "the immortal words 'sing while we're fishing' echoed across the Humber" (my italics). And the report doesn't even appear in my copy of the paper. Pah.

Speculation abounds that last night's result will see Ipswich boss George Burley join the ever-growing ranks of managers sacked after the unspeakable ignominy of defeat by Grimsby.

Hero of the hour Steve Kabba - whose second goal last night prompted old Robby Bobson to comment on Sky: "If Arsenal had scored that, you'd be showing it again and again!" - is an early doubt for Saturday's visit to Watford, with what Paul Groves describes as "a hamstring problem related to his back". Alan Pouton may also miss out.

Tuesday 8 October
Steve Livingstone is in line for a place on the bench for tonight's game against Ipswich, according to the Grimsby Telegraph. Livvo started training two weeks ago, but did his first heading yesterday.

John McDermott is likely to miss out with a hamstring strain, while howlin' mad Georges Santos is expected to get a start given the probable lengthy list of absentees. It also appears that midfield stalwart Stacy Coldicott is unfit and will play no part tonight. Sheesh!

Town beat Euro Vase contenders Ipswich Town 3-0 at Blundell Park. Steve Kabba scores an absolute peach of a goal to seal the points. It's too much for us at Cod Almighty Towers - we're off to sup our Horlicks and watch the end of The Empire Strikes Back.

Monday 7 October
Steve Kabba - Town's most prolific striker this season, with a total of one goal to his name - will have to return to Crystal Palace when his three-month loan with the Mariners expires on November 23. Paul Groves last week approached Trevor 'The grass was too long - or was it too short?' Francis in a bid to keep Kabba for the rest of the season, but after taking Danny Butterfield off our hands in the summer the Palace manager clearly felt he owed Town no more favours.

Some small cause for optimism: Ipswich are missing Jim Magilton, Fabian Wilnis, Hermann Hreidarsson and Mark Venus for their trip to Blundell Park tomorrow night, while Darren Bent and John McGreal are also rated doubtful.

The Diary is given a lesson in karma by GTFC's announcement - immediately after the above paragraph was posted - that Alan Pouton, John McDermott, Darren Barnard and Stuart Campbell all picked up knocks or strains on Saturday and may not make the Ipswich game. Paul Groves and Steve Chettle also remain in the treatment room.

A little bit more good news for the Mariners, though, as Wales manager Mark Hughes has told Danny Coyne and Darren Barnard that they are free to play for Town against Watford next weekend. They will leave the Welsh training camp for the match before returning immediately following the final whistle at Vicarage Road.

Sunday 6 October
West Ham starlet Grant McCann, who trialled with the Mariners in the summer and featured in one pre-season friendly, has joined second division Cheltenham on a month's loan. The young Northern Ireland midfielder can play centrally or on the left - precisely where Town seem especially weak at the moment.

Player-manager Paul Groves - who sat out yesterday's woeful drubbing by Reading with a groin strain - admits the performance was "probably the poorest we've been for a while".

Saturday 5 October
The boos resound loudly around Blundell Park as a poor Reading side easily trounce a desperately awful Town 3-0. At half-time fans are heard to pronounce it the worst Town performance for 15 years, and the Cod Almighty team almost drinks the Rutland dry in despair. Encouragingly, however, all that "Groves out" and "sack the board" nonsense is notable by its absence. Gallic psychopath Georges Santos makes his debut as a late substitute to a tremendous reception from the Pontoon, is lucky to escape with a yellow after life-threatening challenges on two Reading players, and legs it as fast as he can to the tunnel as soon as the full-time whistle blows.

Friday 4 October
According to the Grimsby Telegraph, Terry Cooke will return to the starting line-up tomorrow as Darren Barnard moves into defence to cover for the suspended Tony Gallimore. Player-manager Paul Groves will miss out due to injury, as may Steve Chettle. Paul Raven and Simon Ford forming the centre of defence is a strong possibility. Steve Kabba, Stacy Coldicott and Shaun Allaway are all expected to recover from injuries in time to make the squad.

Bloodcurdling midfield maniac Georges Santos has decided to put club before country. "I said to the [Cape Verde] manager I'm not coming because of my situation." Doesn't Pele advertise something that might help him with that?

Teamtalk reports that Steve Kabba has been informed by Crystal Palace that he will be required back at Selhurst Park when his loan to the Mariners ends next month. But, y'know, it's Teamtalk.

Thursday 3 October
Bloodthirsty Frenchman Georges Santos speaks of his confidence that Town will beat the drop again. The ferocious midfielder tells BBC Sport Online: "I think we have a team that could be in the top 10...I'm very surprised Grimsby are at the bottom because they have good young players and a good team." Leading grammarians say Santos' switch from the first to the third person may reflect vocational uncertainty resulting from his short-term contract.

Twiddling its thumbs, the Grimsby Telegraph goes for some 'shock injury crisis' stuff: the minor strain Shaun Allaway picked up for the reserves yesterday threatens to leave Town without goalkeeping cover for Danny Coyne this Saturday, with Steve Croudson and Bradley Hughes also being crocked. Steve Chettle will miss out again against Reading, with doubts over Steve Kabba, Stacy Coldicott and player-boss Paul Groves, who laments: "We haven't got the numbers to cope with what's happening."

The Telegraph also says Town have received 100 grand they were owed by FLPTV, which I think is the company that turned all the Nationwide League official sites into pop-up-ridden online betting shops. Under a new deal, says the local paper, the club gets "80 per cent of any commercial revenue through the official website. That means fans spending £10 on GTFC goodies on the website will put an extra £8 into the club coffers." As opposed, presumably, to an extra £10 in those distant days when clubs ran their own sites. Yay, capitalism.

Cod Almighty remains mystified as to why some GTFC websites are presenting Tony Gallimore's impending suspension as some kind of doomsday scenario, what with three other players being able to fill in and Gallimore having played like a spanner all season anyway.

Second division Barnsley have been placed into administration.

Wednesday 2 October
The Grimsby Telegraph reveals that Town were in contention to bring Michael 'Rather Sprightly' Boulding back to the club on loan from Aston Villa before Sheffield United got their big hoof in the door. "I was in constant contact with one of the Villa people," says boss Paul Groves, who remains on the lookout for another striker. Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock tried to sign Boulding in the summer before the player joined Villa, and is now looking to add the pacy forward to his team of thugs on a permanent basis.

Groves adds that Steve Livingstone is still not in full training six weeks after he bust his head in a collision with Derby's Danny Higginbotham.

Town's bid to keep loan striker Steve Kabba for the rest of the season has been knocked back for the time being, with his club Crystal Palace unwilling to commit to a decision at this stage. Kabba's three-month loan is due to expire on 23 November.

Exotic foreign trialists Jake Sagare and Jason Dimozantos miss out on this afternoon's reserves match at York as the club has been unable to secure international clearance in time. The next reserve fixture isn't for two weeks, by which time they'll probably have got fed up with the cold and gone home.

Thus depleted, the reserves lose 7-0 following an injury to Shaun Allaway, coach Paul Wilkinson having neglected to name another keeper among his five substitutes. The report on the York site does not make pretty reading.

In other Grimsby-related news the town's MP Austin Mitchell has changed his name to Austin Haddock. No. Really.

Tuesday 1 October
Town's latest trialists are American winger-cum-striker Jake Sagare and splendidly named Australian Jason Dimozantos. Both will feature in this week's reserve game, says the official site, neglecting to add when and where. Maybe they save that for Mariners World subscribers. Luckily, Cod Almighty can reveal that the match is tomorrow, at York. Anyway, Sagare has been playing for a team called Portland Timbers in whatever the USA second division is called. Assistant manager Graham Rodger says his source reckons there are similarities between Sagare and former Town striker Michael Boulding. Twenty-year-old centre-half Dimozantos, meanwhile, spent several weeks on trial with Sheffield United in the summer, but to no avail.

The Blundell Park roar is expected to rise by between a major fifth and an octave for this Saturday's clash with Reading as GTFC announce that children are to be let in free. The club promises that up to two kids can accompany any "full-paying adult" at no extra charge.

Player-manager Paul Groves, who in his entire career has missed about four minutes of football through injury, saw a chiropractor yesterday for the calf strain he picked up in Saturday's win at Brighton, and must surely be fit for the Reading match.

Yet another ex-Mariner finds the net, this time Michael 'Quite Fast' Boulding, currently on loan from Aston Villa to Sheffield United. The player marked his full debut tonight with a goal in the Blades' 4-1 Worthy Cup win over Wycombe, and laid on another for Michael Brown. Hey ho.

In news a little further afield than the Grimsby Road, FIFA topbod Sepp Blatter has announced that next year's Confederations Cup will trial a Michel Platini idea of having four linesmen - the two additional officials stood behind the goal-lines. It is not clear whether the extra two will be inside the goal or alongside and behind it. Further FIFA announcements include an imminent study of Sepp's (eponymous?) 'joker' transfer scheme, whereby teams will be allowed one signing outside of the transfer windows. This scheme, it seems, is currently in use in France. Why they get away with transfer window exemption is not clear. This proposal will be discussed at a FIFA Players' Status Committee meeting on Friday when also on the agenda is the Nationwide League's appeal for its clubs to be exempt from the transfer window.

Intriguingly, Watford chairman Graham Simpson has asked the fans of his club to help the club find £9.5 million to avoid administration. "I was at the play-off final in 1999 - one of the greatest days of my life. We had 32,000 there that day. I would ask all of those 32,000 to donate £50 for the good of the club. If that happened it would make a difference," says the man who persuaded his players to take a 12 per cent pay cut. It'd be interesting to see what the response would be if Town launched a similar appeal.

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