Cod Almighty - Diary

daily independent coverage of Grimsby Town FC

Diary - July 2011

Friday 29 July
Your Guest Diarist is almost a vegetarian these days. In fact if I just stopped eating meat I really would virtually be one. But, after a morning squinting at the small print on packets of bacon to make sure they are not mostly water and have not been cured in half an hour flat it is a relief to come home and read a twitter from the Town fitness coach exulting that the Town players are very lean.

The bacon sandwiches seem to have been skipped as @Morty_1 exclaims: "used the skinfold callipers today to measure players bodyfats The #gtfc players are lean". But I digress, the whole point of bacon is that it should have been covered in salt and other secret things for quite a few days to draw the moisture out of it. So quite why wily supermarkets have taken to injecting it with water and then freezing it so they can slice the resultant horrendous product before thawing it, packing it and then having the temerity to call the bloody stuff bacon which doesn't fry but boils in it's own nasty grey brine is too long and gruesome a thought train to even finish.

Tonight you could say is a proper pre-season match in terms of it being a test for the new team. They are far enough down the fitness road, have avoided too many niggles by the sound of things (although Coulson also twittered that his ankle still needs cortisone to quieten it and Spencer has Dave Moore fussing over his back problem) and have started to work in training on how they plan to move the ball goalwards. We know from earlier manager interviews that work has been done as well on winning the ball back early when a move breaks down. How the team looks in midfield tonight against Doncaster is really, really important. Can they get enough of the ball and can they create something with it when they do?

Old man Disley will skipper again tonight and has told the Telegraph he wants that job all season. One of the managers confirmed they know who the new captain will be but won't say until the players know. So tell them, why don't you? One assumes that Disley and Pearson are the bookies favourites although I'd be tempted to give it to Serge Makofo to introduce a hint of unpredictable Dadaist surrealism rather than relying on Disley (who can't even shout never mind paint in watercolours) or Pearson (believed to be an intimate of the Rooney school of artwork). Still, maybe Shouty and Shorty have other captaincy criteria.

The club are still banging the season ticket drum quite hard announcing that 1,617 have been sold as against 1,750 at the start of last season. Bribes have been offered, threats have been issued. The bribes come in the form of letters sent to lapsed season ticket holders with the offer of free tickets for tonights friendly. The threat has been issued by Mr Wraith who has told the Telegraph that season ticket holders will get precedence for the Christmas away fixture at Lincoln where only, ahem, 1,400 tickets will be available. It's a long time since we took over a thousand to Lincoln � was that the day when Jones the Stick came of age and Peter Bore froze on the touchline?

The Shouty manager talked for over nine minutes to the Mariner Player subscribers but said nothing not covered in the paragraphs preceding this one. Except for him spitting some rather terse words about Lincoln seemingly wanting to make the game on Tuesday a yoof-only affair. The man seems only ever three sentences away from a towering rage. And that is a shame because the rest, the talk of fitness, formation, selection on merit, allowing the team to sort their own opposition-induced problems on the field wherever possible and the will-to-win team spirit etc all sounds good. Get him on that anger-management course Mr Fenty � you have turned over too many managers: why not invest in some training for the latest ones? See yer.

Thursday 28 July
Friendlies here, friendlies there, there are friendlies bloody everywhere at the moment for Grimsby. I'm struggling to keep up. Town travelled to Barton last night to play the Barton Town Old Boys and they won and kept another clean sheet. I don't know much about the game although I do know Anthony 'Here, There, Everywhere' Elding scored twice, once from a penalty, so he's definitely going to score lots and lots next season and the ever relaxed Frankie Artus was impressive again although his second was a bit fluky. Is six-nil a good result? My thoughts on friendly results against lower opposition will be forever clouded following that 12-1 win against Winterton in the (last) relegation season. How many goals do you have to score against Winterton to guarantee a good season? There must be an equation; your Part-Time Diary will look into it.

It's not about the results though is it, no no; the friendlies are all about the performances. That's what we want at the moment; results can wait. So from the perspective of someone who didn't go to the game last night I can only assume that the performance must have been acceptable because we scored six goals and didn't let any in. There is also a pattern emerging � patterns, equations, must be that 'Code' thing I watched last night � whereby we are beating the smaller teams and losing to the bigger teams. So there seems to be a change in direction because for ages and ages we kept beating bigger teams and fucking things right up against smaller teams. Is this the overhaul we've been waiting for at Blundell Park? Have Shorty and Shouty finally done it? Well, they haven't done it yet but maybe things are moving in the right direction.

Talking of right directions, Rob Smith emailed yesterday to give us the heads-up on the latest in the superb new official website's impromptu midsummer April fool skits series with which they have been entertaining us with over the close season:

How have you missed this SNOS classic? Not content with sending us to Southport instead of Gainsborough (which incidentally was something I spotted for you) they have appeared to have moved Barton into Hull and Hull into North Yorkshire.

Now I know that councillors appear to be able to shift boundaries etc at times but surely moving Hull into North Yorkshire and Barton into Hull would have been an act which would have attracted a bit of publicity, perhaps even a public enquiry of discussion in Parliament. It appears not.

Perhaps that is why the club has failed miserably over the last ten years; there is no sense of direction and geographical awareness.

The scamps; what will they think of next eh? I didn't spot it myself I must admit, so thanks for bringing this to our attention, Rob.

Being a non-League team has its perks and this summer Grimsby are again bestowed with the dubious honour of 'owning' a horse in the Stewards Cup event, organised by the Conference league's money-swallowing sponsors. It's basically used as an aggressive marketing tool to encourage football fans to launch money in their direction while at the same time making gambling fun. Subtle. Anyway, Grimsby have drawn 'Tax Free' and if the horse wins then the club is awarded �2000 plus the value of a �100 bet on the horse, which is presumably a percentage of a fraction of the money that the sponsor will make out of all this.

The winner of the prize for the comical name goes to Lincoln City's 'Yer Woman' especially as the draw announcement comes a mere day after Lincoln's Ali Fuseini staged a one man walkout following some rough tackles. Fuseini left the pitch during Lincoln's friendly against Gainsborough 'in what could best be described as "a huff".' Yer woman.

Wednesday 27 July
Your Guest Diarist has drawn the short straw to stand in for the original Mr Diary today, who is out and about singing the praises of the Mariners to whoever will listen. I couldn't afford the petrol to get to that Winterton game last night but the folk who went were as dismissive as they usually are about the team performance. Town won 3-1, dominating but without making enough clear-cut chances, I'm told.

And as for debutant Elding, well, he was outshone by the busy Hearn and the master of the unexpected Mr Makofo, whose pre-season is going well. In terms of rampaging solo efforts anyway. Defenders just don't seem to have a clue what he will do next. And neither, I suspect, do his teammates. Serge the surge. But come on, give Elding a chance � his pre-season has been in fits and starts, I suspect, and he needs a couple of weeks to get fitter and get to know the squad.

One of the managers has reminded the squad and the Town fans via the Telegraph that neither starting team nor preferred formation are anywhere near settled yet. And I view that assertion positively � we've got new players, old players, in the-process-of-a-comeback players and young lads trying to break through. The managers are right to give every player a bit of a chance, especially as there are relatively few of them who we can our hang our hats on as nailed-on certainties to get picked. Hang on, sorry, I think I just accidentally nailed my hat by accident. Damn.

So, another friendly match tonight away against Barton Town Old Boys, whose website has very good directions to find the place. The superb new official website claims that the only injured person is McKeown and that a strong side will turn out. Barton lost 2-0 "to a strong Lincoln side" last week, you will note. The quiet manager says they have been working on a few things in training this week. In order to "get the ball in to the right areas", I expect.

I've run out of news now, gentle reader, so let's waste time together thinking about the plight of Straight Peter Bore, who has been spurned by Bournemouth this week. The six-foot clubless heterosexual is leaving it late to find a club. Whether he has knocked on the door of neighbours Bournemouth Poppies, who play in the Wessex League, seems unlikely. Bournemouth doesn't really have a 'scene' unless you can play afternoon Scrabble or like tea dances. Aah, but Alan Connell must have told Peter that 'Bourney is a top place' and worth a 600-mile round trip. And Bore's polite interview with the local rag down there proves it. Folk who delight in weird footballer names should definitely read to the bottom of that last article, by the way. Jordace Holder-Spooner. You couldn't make it up could you? See yer.

Tuesday 26 July
Hello to you all � it's West Yorkshire Diary here, typing today's news live from a public car park in Leeds to show I'm young, hip and down with the kids. They love crazy spontaneity, those teenagers. I feel like a newsreader announcing the headlines live from outside Westminster when I'd normally be sat behind a desk. On a scale of one to ten, I'm very important right now.

Following the release of Captain Peacock the Mariners have filled the tattoo void by signing Anthony Elding from Rochdale for a fee that will remain disclosed for as long as it takes someone 'in the know' to tell everyone else on a messageboard, or until the next fans' forum. It appears Elding's reputation precedes him as he's the first lazy player Shouty and Shorty have signed this summer. Aware that tongues were wagging of his alleged footballing indolence, their interview on Mariners Player is a bit too keen to counteract those claims by asking leading questions about his work rate. And they might have got away with it had the video not been edited to show Elding standing around with his hands down his shorts and yawning at the exact moment Shorty waxed lyrical about his hunger and commitment.

It would seem that Elding was on the brink of signing for fourth division Plymouth late last week but did a u-turn after presumably speaking with Martin Butler and learning that commuting from his Lincolnshire home to Devon wouldn't be a good idea. Elding says he's sick of travelling around and wants to settle down at Blundell Park, so Town have given him a one-year deal with an asterisk. He could have got a League club, and once knocked in goals for fun in the Conference for Stevenage, so there's 'summat about him', as they say.

I got a blank expression from a Leeds fan in the office yesterday upon mentioning Elding's name, but a Stevenage fan seems to think we have a gem, albeit with the words 'if' and 'but only' used a lot in the sentences that followed. A Rochdale fan (yes, my workplace is very diverse) reckons Keith Hill is the best man-manager he has ever known and even he didn't get anything out of Elding. So then, big ifs loom ominously over whether our managerial duo can get him to perform. However, if you're a Conference defender, you wouldn't relish lining up against Elding, Hearn and Spencer � unless you actually like elbows, of course.

Team news now, and the SNOS reports that Town will be fielding a first-team squad at Winterton tonight, kick-off 7:30pm. No-one mention 12-1 or Mike Newell. Spencer is injured and Kempson won't be risked, while the Telewag reports that Pearson has one of those hamstring injuries that actually makes your back hurt, so he probably won't feature. The managers have vowed to play the first team in tomorrow's kickabout with Barton too. It's the start of a crazy five-day period in which the squad will play four times, with Doncaster and Gainsborough to come on Friday and Saturday respectively.

I can never determine whether I like pre-season or not. I can't really do with these namby-pamby, tippy-tappy friendlies, but at the same time I'm aware that this is about as excited and optimistic as I'm likely to get about my football club for at least 11 months. Right now nothing can hurt me � not even a 5-1 defeat at Barnsley, because they're a second division club with really good players and we've finally accepted we're shit, so relatively speaking it was a good result.

I'm quite happy with where we are in terms of our season's preparations. We have assembled a different sort of squad to what we're used to, and things in central midfield look a lot more positive (if we choose to use it). Arthur has genuine competition, we have cover in just about every position and we have a handful of players for whom the Conference represents a step up and a bigger shop window. And Fenty hasn't said anything for a week now!

Monday 25 July
Mardy Diary writes: Apparently we're about to sign Anthony 'Not As Prolific As I Thought He Was' Elding from Rochdale. There, I've said it now. We'll just get that out of the way now because it appears to be one of those rumours that gathers momentum just because lots of people mention it over and over again. So I thought I'd help it along by mentioning it also. I've actually been hanging on today to see if it actually happens, but even though the Telegraph believes it may happen and officials at the club are hinting at it over Twitter, nobody seems to really know. We'll assume it's not happening shall we, and just brush over it? OK.

So what did we learn from Saturday? I wasn't there but the reports coming back seem to have quite a positive tone for a 5-1 defeat. Managers, players and journalists are all reflecting that the scoreline didn't reflect the play � only the lone voice of John Tondeur stood out with his hand tentatively raised at the back of the class saying: "Err, not sure losing 5-1 is good sir." Although, I tend to feel that a decently organised second division club shouldn't find it too difficult to beat a non-League outfit. And as with the other friendlies, the real test of how we're doing is the attitude and performance of the players at less 'glamorous' venues (ie. the sort we're likely to experience in league matches next season). The performance at Sheffield Club gave a better indication of where we currently are, and the upcoming matches against Winterton, Gainsborough and Lincoln will give us a better feel for progress.

The match against Lincoln is the final of the Lincolnshire Cup after they beat Scunthorpe on penalties last night, of course. And while there's some level of bragging rights up for grabs � Lincoln currently have one more Lincs Cup title than Town � the real appeal of the match will be how Town perform against an ex-League club and rival for next season. With the match taking place less than two weeks before the season starts, we should get a good picture of what we can expect for the rest of the season.

And... no... I've hung on and there's still no signing news. So, sorry about the rather crap diary: I've been a bit distracted today. Not to worry though, as we have a new diarist tomorrow so that should be a bit more exciting for you all. See ya.

Friday 22 July
He came to conquer Grimsby: he came to score goals and keep clean sheets. Yes, your Guest Diarist has come all over Don LaFontaine this morning after watching the marathon highlights of the Sheffield friendly on the subscription-only Mariners Player. But it's a 22-minute movie with a tragic ending. As Town line up a promising free kick just outside the box, the cameraman appears to operate the 'fade to frozen kaleidoscope' feature and we see no more. I may have nodded off part way through, I guess, but didn't Duffy hit the bar as well at some point?

What can we learn from the rest? Well, Town look like they might be organised by the start of the season and players like Makofo and Pearson shone brightly against part-time lesser lights. The issue of who will make the starting eleven remains intriguing. Perhaps Mr Fenty has ordered all good Duffy moments to be suppressed from the video now that we have sold Connell, in case a club watches them and gets interested? Coulson has been prattling to the paper about wanting a chance to play through the middle in a 4-3-3 and how much better he feels now that his half-season-long hurty ankle has cleared up at last. I get the feeling young Hearn might take a bit to settle in to the higher standard (he just looks like a poor man's Ademeno to me so far), but with Makofo enthusiastically beasting his way around up front Town have unexpected other options to try.

But, as the managers have said, they are not looking for a 20-goal-a-season man. They want goals coming from all round the team. The high-tempo approach, with the objective to get the ball and men in numbers into the danger areas of the pitch quickly, is ambitious. The match at Barnsley tomorrow will be fascinating � perhaps the team may start with an approximation to the expected first team. And the squad have had a full week working on stuff with the ball. Legs will still be tired but one hopes a shape might start to form. Victory, of course, would be catastrophic, as any long-time Cod Almighty reader will know.

Town's superb new official website has sadly dodged a terrific chance to reprise a Dave Moore injury update video. Its terse 'who is injured, who is fit' article doesn't mention twisting and turning or any of the other gentle arcane physio talk at which the great man and loyal servant is so adept. There's a great long list so click the link, gentle reader, for I can't be arsed to paraphrase, save to say that Darran Kempson is unexpectedly back in training.

I am going to pass this afternoon desperately trying to keep abreast of the test match on a day when 100 per cent of my brain is obsessed with this amazing climactic final week of le Tour. I know cycling is a bit of a Marmite thing but, believe me, the last two days have been even more gripping than watching that old man pretending to be deaf and senile the day before. Have a good weekend. See yer.

Thursday 21 July
Last night saw a clash of the perennial away teams last night as Grimsby of Cleethorpes and Sheffield FC of Derbyshire did battle in Dronfield. The oldest football club in the world certainly has no delusions of grandeur but played excellent hosts to the couple of hundred travelling Town fans that arrived in Dronfield in the rain last night. The club owns the pub which is effectively attached to the ground and it was filled with away fans long before kick-off.

The ground was similar to many of those in the Conference last year but thankfully had a covered terrace where the Town fans congregated in shelter from the rain until half time when it was, of course, no problem to dash back to the pub and return for the second half. This is something your Part-Time Diary will miss if and when we do return to League football, and the burger van was a cut above anything within 100 yards of Blundell Park. So the pressure was well and truly on Grimsby to not ruin a lovely evening, as they have done so many in the past, with a limp performance.

Dominant in possession, a decent goal in either half and a clean sheet is what I had hoped to be writing today but did not particularly expect to be. I was pleasantly surprised. Sheffield FC are of course three leagues below Town at present but they worked hard and they put pressure on the Mariners in the first half. Grimsby, however, resisted; they defended properly, they kept the ball well and they looked much the better team throughout the game. So that's a second good performance in pre-season; we need to be careful or those optimism levels could start to get dangerously high.

Shorty and Shouty certainly look like they have built a decent team of players though. Pearson was reliable and threw himself around as well as looking an extra attacking threat with his goal. McKeown looked comfortable, apart from a first half spill which was probably more to do with the rain than his ability, and should definitely be looking to push KA Kenny Arthur for his place. Makofo was fast and willing and improving. And the rest were beginning to look like a team and best of all they were all properly talking to each other. Yay.

Barnsley on Saturday will be a greater test for the new team but it's the places more similar to Sheffield FC where we need to be picking up points next season and where we failed to do enough last season. A few injuries have crept up in the last games and Pearson limped off last night, but hopefully these are of a pre-season niggly nature and will pass before the season properly begins. That is, of course, when the real test of this new-look, non-League-look team will come � and I'm beginning to look forward to it. Roll on Fleetwood.

Wednesday 20 July
Fans of classic British TV comedy theme tunes are divided on the issue of Ronnie Hazlehurst's greatest hit. Some would say the plaintive tones of Last of the Summer Wine. Others prefer the tiptoeing whimsy of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. But for many, Hazelhurst's finest hour came immediately after his death in 2007. In penning their obituaries, journalists turned quickly to the composer's Wikipedia entry. This had been playfully doctored by persons unknown, to include the untruth that Hazlehurst had been the co-writer of a certain popular chart hit from several years previous. A number of journalists failed to check the veracity of this item before including it in their copy. And so several newspapers were highly embarrassed after printing obituaries of Ronnie Hazlehurst which gave him a songwriting credit for 'Reach' by S Club 7.

You'd expect newspaper journalists to have learned their lesson after that. But you'd be reckoning without the Grimsby Telegraph. In its preview of Town's friendly against Sheffield tonight, the Telewag refers to the opposition as "Rhys Wynne's Northern Premier League Division One South outfit". Had the author checked Sheffield's official website, or indeed any other authoritative source, he or she would have learned that the manager of Sheffield is in fact Mark Shaw.

So who is Rhys Wynne? Rhys Wynne is a Colwyn Bay and Liverpool fan and author of the excellent football blog You're Supposed To Be At Home. He also has a workmate who went on Wikipedia and made him Sheffield manager, for a laugh. Work is already under way to create a ground-breaking renewable energy centre at Riby Square, powered by all the red faces at the Grimsby Telegraph.

Your original/regular Diary would like to thank the nameless but very good author of Too Good to Go Down for that story. And remember: they're not lazy journalists � they're actually trying to do the work of three people each since the media owners sacked most of their colleagues.

So what of tonight's game? James McKeown, aka That Lad From Peterborough, will debut between the sticks, it says here, after getting international clearance. Peterborough might feel like another country, but this is in fact because he played briefly for a Dutch side in between. Town's superb new official website adds that Lee Ridley and misspelt youth Darran Kempson are out injured, while Liam Hearn, Scott Garner, Bradley Wood, Frankie Artus and Damian Spencer are "all major doubts for the trip to Yorkshire". Everyone knows Sheffield play in Derbyshire, though, right? Cuh. You could have found that out on Wikipedia!

Tuesday 19 July
Your Guest Diarist, occupying a currently vacant seat in the Cod Almighty diary week, was not instantly smitten by the words of the new management team when they blew in to Town. It sounded like a lot of brittle bluster from the Shouty one, who appeared to be suppressing an evil temper which seemed as anxious to escape as a cat from a bag. But last night, at a strangely timed fans' forum, the dream team seemed to talk a lot of sense.

Not that the start time was odd, you understand. But more that, unless they'd known for absolutely ages that Connell was going to be sold last weekend, three weeks before the season starts is an odd time to face the fans, in my opinion. Because the only opportunity the fans have had to assess the squad changes is a blur of new faces running around in less than concentric circles about three days after they were reacquainted with a football for the first time in ages.

Yes, folks: judging from the post-forum vibe, it would seem that those attending and those listening in seemed generally to agree that we have a management team who are positive, realistic and very clear about how they plan to go about things. 4-3-3 is the publicly announced preferred formation. And the managers told us other stuff last night: Spencer Weir-Daley is definitely not the striker replacement they are looking for, and the pitch narrowing is just a temporary pre-season-only thing requested by the groundsman. Plus creating team spirit is absolutely vital.

Their recent after-match comments about instilling a better ethic, by persuading players like Duffy and Makofo to work harder defensively from the front, had given me a hint that they might be better than I'd given them credit for so far. And the midfield signings exhibited enthusiasm and workrate together with the odd decent pass. But for the next few weeks the real hard work is ahead of them. Anybody can get a squad fit � why, every single manager for the last ten years has claimed his team is fitter than what he inherited. But the two big issues to be worked on are assembling a jigsaw suited to and capable of playing 4-3-3, and how to stop giving the ball away in the middle of the pitch.

When you know the known (4-3-3), one assumes you can buy a player to fit in to that formation better than if you only know you need to replace a striker. Going back to that midfield three, then, it would seem at this early stage that Church is Leary 2.0, that Disley is a Bolland lookalike in more ways than his red-top and that Artus has the beginnings of a sweet left foot. For a fan supporting a team that hasn't had any semblance of a working midfield for what seems like bloody years, that seems like a tiny sip of ambrosia.

But it is not all sweetness and light of course, folks. Naturally, as Chairman Fenty had his twopenn'orth as well last night. If someone had the influence to persuade him that less talk is more, it would be a good start. Because then he wouldn't repeatedly spout sentences that contradict earlier ones. He reminded me of a young na�ve Apprentice contestant who claims to have a brilliant business plan and is being forensically dissected by a cool expert.

Except football fans aren't cool about their passion � they want to believe. So it's worse than that when everyone listening realises the chairman is saying 'no timeframe for the new stadium' one minute and 'it'll take only three years' the next. No-one wants to hurt Fenty, but we are all silently screaming that he should stop the platitudes, and only announce news about a new stadium when there is something tangible to demonstrate that it is a credible project.

And the grim financial situation was highlighted. Town lost nigh on a million quid last season and projected to do the same again this. Are we a substantially stronger club with a better chance of promotion for these gross overspends? It's hard to see how. It is plain to see that the overheads of the club are far too high: the deficit is the entire playing budget and the club desperately needs someone vaguely independent like Mike Parker to come in and examine where the overspend is going. And have the remit to do something about it. The club needs justification and value for every pound it spends.

So far so good then, for Shouty and Shorty at least. They have roughly a third of Connell's fee to splash in the market (Swindon are paying for him over three seasons). It is fairly obvious that they have a small shortlist of players; let's hope they get the one they want very soon.

Of course, gentle reader, I should mention before leaving that if the midfield doesn't work out you'll read me again in a few months' time telling you I meant ambrosia like a rice pudding. See yer.

Monday 18 July
Mardy Diary writes: That was alright, wasn't it � for a first run-out? It'd be a bit silly to expect too much when the players have only spent a couple of days kicking the ball about after all that running.

A few of the new players stood out for me already. Disley looked very Bolland-like in style and he looks a bit like him too. He seems like a proper midfielder who links the rest of the team up, which is something we've been missing since... Bolland, really. So fingers crossed on that. Spencer � although clearly not fit yet, and not looking like a player mobile enough to play 90 minutes � had both a heftiness and deftness of touch to match the great Lump (and that's high praise from me). A Livvo-style cult hero in the making, I reckon. Hearn was obviously over-eager to start with, but got better as the game went on and was unlucky not to score with quite a nice strike from the edge of the area.

The rest of the new lot? Silk: steady. Pearson: good in both boxes. Church: busy. Artus: skilful. Marshall: nicely surprising. The rest of them: as you were. Although Duffy looked interested and I've always thought people were harsh in their judgement of Makofo. He has something to offer.

There'll be a better test on Wednesday, of course. The players clearly need a few more games to get to know each other, but Sheffield are a few levels below us so I expect us to dominate posession a bit more than we did against a good-looking Rotherham side (I'm ignoring the presence of Newey here, as I did on Saturday).

Before all that, though, there's an oddly timed fans' forum. Tonight. It's always good that the club speaks (and listens) to the fans, of course, but I'm a little surprised by the timing of this one. People aren't really in a position to comment on the management or the players yet, so it seems the forum is likely to be dominated by discussion over the (inevitable) transfer of Alan Connell. And flasks again, probably. The Telegraph is reporting today that the fee for Connell was actually around �115k (plus sell-on) rather than the �150k rumoured earlier � perhaps this will be clarified by John Fenty tonight?

The Telegraph also seems to have cleared up the confusion over Josh Fuller's contract � in a report of him playing for Grimsby Borough. The Telegraph reports that Fuller left the club "shortly before his two-year deal expired", and I'm assuming "shortly" means months rather than years. This is at odds with a report on the club's official site in May, which had him under contract until 2012. We'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume he had one of those one-year options that wasn't invoked, shall we?

Which leads me neatly on to some correspondence we've had from the real Rob Andrews. I say 'real' as it turns out that the abusive emails we received last week were from someone who chose to use Rob's email address rather than their own. Rob says:

"I understand that you have received and published abusive emails written in my name. I would like to take this opportunity to state that at no time have I emailed criticising Cod Almighty and its content. I have contacted my internet service provider to complain and find out who sent these emails.

"I would like to also take this opportunity to state that this site, like others that discuss all aspects of what goes on at Grimsby Town FC, is needed and I totally support what they are trying to achieve.

"I do not condone abusive and non-constructive criticism against any website or against the football club itself."

Thanks for that Rob. Cod Almighty would like to apologise to you for inadvertently laying blame at your door. We are currently in the process of inspecting our server logs to find out who it was (although we do have our suspicions). We will pass on the IP address of those involved to Rob and to the relevant ISP as soon as we can.

One final note before I go: CA's own Pete Green has written a little bit about the Connell transfer for Swindon fanzine The Washbag, which you can read here. See ya.

Monday 18 July
Mardy Diary writes: That was alright, wasn't it � for a first run-out? It'd be a bit silly to expect too much when the players have only spent a couple of days kicking the ball about after all that running.

A few of the new players stood out for me already. Disley looked very Bolland-like in style and he looks a bit like him too. He seems like a proper midfielder who links the rest of the team up, which is something we've been missing since... Bolland, really. So fingers crossed on that. Spencer � although clearly not fit yet, and not looking like a player mobile enough to play 90 minutes � had both a heftiness and deftness of touch to match the great Lump (and that's high praise from me). A Livvo-style cult hero in the making, I reckon. Hearn was obviously over-eager to start with, but got better as the game went on and was unlucky not to score with quite a nice strike from the edge of the area.

The rest of the new lot? Silk: steady. Pearson: good in both boxes. Church: busy. Artus: skilful. Marshall: nicely surprising. The rest of them: as you were. Although Duffy looked interested and I've always thought people were harsh in their judgement of Makofo. He has something to offer.

There'll be a better test on Wednesday, of course. The players clearly need a few more games to get to know each other, but Sheffield are a few levels below us so I expect us to dominate posession a bit more than we did against a good-looking Rotherham side (I'm ignoring the presence of Newey here, as I did on Saturday).

Before all that, though, there's an oddly timed fans' forum. Tonight. It's always good that the club speaks (and listens) to the fans, of course, but I'm a little surprised by the timing of this one. People aren't really in a position to comment on the management or the players yet, so it seems the forum is likely to be dominated by discussion over the (inevitable) transfer of Alan Connell. And flasks again, probably. The Telegraph is reporting today that the fee for Connell was actually around �115k (plus sell-on) rather than the �150k rumoured earlier � perhaps this will be clarified by John Fenty tonight?

The Telegraph also seems to have cleared up the confusion over Josh Fuller's contract � in a report of him playing for Grimsby Borough. The Telegraph reports that Fuller left the club "shortly before his two-year deal expired", and I'm assuming "shortly" means months rather than years. This is at odds with a report on the club's official site in May, which had him under contract until 2012. We'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume he had one of those one-year options that wasn't invoked, shall we?

Which leads me neatly on to some correspondence we've had from the real Rob Andrews. I say 'real' as it turns out that the abusive emails we received last week were from someone who chose to use Rob's email address rather than their own. Rob says:

"I understand that you have received and published abusive emails written in my name. I would like to take this opportunity to state that at no time have I emailed criticising Cod Almighty and its content. I have contacted my internet service provider to complain and find out who sent these emails.

"I would like to also take this opportunity to state that this site, like others that discuss all aspects of what goes on at Grimsby Town FC, is needed and I totally support what they are trying to achieve.

"I do not condone abusive and non-constructive criticism against any website or against the football club itself."

Thanks for that Rob. Cod Almighty would like to apologise to you for inadvertently laying blame at your door. We are currently in the process of inspecting our server logs to find out who it was (although we do have our suspicions). We will pass on the IP address of those involved to Rob and to the relevant ISP as soon as we can.

One final note before I go: CA's own Pete Green has written a little bit about the Connell transfer for Swindon fanzine The Washbag, which you can read here. See ya.

Friday 15 July
If you support Grimsby Town then supporting Grimsby Town should be unconditional. And your weekend Guest Diary today is dedicated to the 1,500 or so Town fans who will buy season tickets this year. Through thin and thinner you have watched hundreds of players don the Town shirt, guided by as many managers as I have fingers in the last ten years. You have seen a hundred temporary slumps in form and read dozens of articles where players explain: "We've been a bit shit lately, but we'll get better soon, honest."

You've got past far too many dispiriting home draws; half a dozen truly embarrassing defeats to lowly part-time opposition; relegation season after relegation season; and the disappointment of realising that the one time we made the play-offs, the team and manager had fallen apart before the game even kicked off. You have coped with money worries: big tax bills, how to afford a new stadium we can't possibly afford, massive bills caused by signing players and managers on contracts and then paying them off. You've survived flask-gate and the after-effects of dodgy burgers; you are surviving John Fenty's public utterances. In the spirit of the Tour de France I say chapeau to you all.

Miss Guest Diary talked recently about 'Town players' and 'players who played for Town'. Well, the hardcore Town fans � and they don't all have season tickets, but you know whether you are one � all deserve a similar plaudit: you are all 'Town Fans'. Here's to the next chapter in our support of the Mariners.

Yes, season ticket sales really are going that well. A dedicated core of fans, and a few more innovative discounts to help attending supporters bring others with them, have paid benefits. And tomorrow we have a home game with Rotherham. The first chance to see the two managers with their new squad.

Minus Mr Kempson, sadly, who has apparently trained so hard that he's done his foot again and is reported to be out of contention for quite a while. But there'll be an appearance from Damien Spencer, whose poorly tummy impeded the start of his pre-season to the extent that he is reported to look like a fish on a bicycle during the running sessions even now. To the point where he's been sent indoors to practise both swimming and cycling under the ever-watchful eyes of Dave Moore, the great survivor. So be gentle with him tomorrow, oh loyal fans � he's got four weeks to get fit, four weeks to prove he's mobile and will be an asset in other places than a defensive wall.

The shouty manager burbled on about players gaining weight during this pre-season to the Mariner Player subscription channel. But don't worry: it's apparently a case of fat lost, muscle gained. Yeah, I'm heavy-boned too. He also mentioned Kenny Dalglish and made a totally spurious analogy between Carlos Tevez and one of our strikers.

But I'm not going there today, not with a match to look forward to tomorrow. As usual, the diehards have been issued a battle ration of hope with their season tickets. Whether you swallow it all at once or eke it out through whatever lean times may lay ahead, I'll leave you to decide, gentle reader. If we could flash forward like that telly programme, the third week of October would be a good time to visit, eh? But today's a day for hoping. See yer.

Thursday 14 July
Have you ever had to go to work in the morning and the afternoon on the same day? It's hard to imagine, I know, but this is the fate befalling the playing staff of Grimsby Town over the last couple of weeks. To make matters worse they are soon to be required to work Saturdays as well. The superstar management pioneer partnership duo of the Shorter One and the Shoutier One have discovered that by making people do something more, you can make them better at it. They probably found out using those computer things that they're really good at.

So the players have been running and swimming and running and jumping and kicking and running for double sessions every day in a bid to make sure they can keep playing football for at least 90 minutes and stop converting comfortable wins into eye-gougingly frustrating draws in stoppage time, a habit that became a defining feature of the performances under Shorty and Shouty last season. Will it pay off in the long run and will we be able to beat some more of the part-time teams next season, who have to do their other jobs as well as run and swim and jump and kick? Your Part-Time Diary certainly hopes so.

But what about Frankie Artus? The Telegraph journalist's wet dream, who is seemingly in a permanent laid-back mood due to his pun-friendly first name, is struggling to find time for estate agents among his busy pre-season schedule and is currently living it up in the star-studded Millfields. Poor chap. Although he does seem to be bounding with enthusiasm for the new season. I wonder how long it will be before the new players are forced to Tell The Telegraph We've Not Been The Best Lately But We'll Get Better Soon, Honest. Sweepstake, anyone?

Friendlies are almost upon us now, and with them a chance to see some nearby league teams which we used to see all the time but don't any more since we became really shit. There was a time, about ten years ago, when Hull would have been pleased to come and play a friendly at Blundell Park � oh, the glory days � but now we're a last-minute replacement for Feyenoord so Barnsley can stretch their legs.

It's Rotherham at home on Saturday and one of the Millers' McRivals websites has decided to interview a Mariner to mark the occasion. I think they mean Mariners fan rather than an actual proper fisherman but it's good to see them getting excited about it. The potential fisherman/fan seems to be optimistic about next season and hopefully his faith will be rewarded. Mind you, he seems to have been optimistic about last season as well.

Pearson and Church are available and set to play on Saturday despite the protestations of that honest Boston chairman David Newton, who must feel he's had a raw deal since TopCon John settled for his managers last season. The rest of the squad is fit: I've not heard of any injuries for once, although Craig Disley did report via Twitter that he couldn't walk up the stairs because of those pesky double training sessions.

No pre-season Diary would be complete without the daily mention of that Connell fella. According to Shorty and Shouty there is no issue with Al and he's not sulking, so that's nice to know. Rumours also abound on an Arsenal blog of a possible Grimsby move for Nasri and with Connell being an Arsenal fan could there be a possible swap deal on the cards? We'll see, eh. Roll on Saturday.

Wednesday 13 July
What's the definition of optimism? Buying a season ticket for Grimsby Town this summer? One of the Cod Almighty team took a stroll down to the club shop yesterday to do just that. There he received some excellent, helpful and professional service from a sales assistant and the club's commercial manager, who admitted to some pleasant surprise at this year's brisk season ticket sales. Right now the club has currently done �30,000 more business on this score than at the same point last year. Consider the less than impressive record of Shorty and Shouty on piloting Town through the arse end of last season. Consider the way Deadly John (Topcon)'s GTFC have let us down shamefully every single time over the past eight years or so. And the supporters' glass looks impressively half full.

Another definition of optimism? Expecting the Premier Sports TV deal to make any money at all for the clubs of the Football Conference. When that broadcaster admitted in April that subscriber numbers "did not reach the point where revenue sharing became an option", the only surprise was that it did so via a Facebook update rather than a press release. Undaunted, PSTV has started off again for the 2011-12 season. Three of Town's games are among the first 14 to be screened. Two Saturday fixtures have been switched to a Friday and a Thursday night. One of those is the visit of Luton to Blundell Park in October. So that's GTFC losing tens of thousands of pounds in gate receipts for the privilege of being watched on the telly by two men and a sleeping cat.

Chris Beeley has emailed the Diary to draw our attention to the new youth team profiles on Town's superb new official website. "What a great read!" enthuses Chris. "Not only do we see young lads with names like Blaize with no apparent sense of modesty (see 'your strengths' section), but some appear to be art dealers too � 'Best Monet of career so far'. Nice to know the old adage of having an alternative if you don't make the grade still holds true."

Your original/regular Diary turns, then, at last, to the elephant in the room: Mr Alan John Connell. Town chairman Deadly John (Topcon) has issued his weekly statement of the player's unavailability (except in the case of non-derisory bids), this time taking the opportunity to have a dig at Luton. Hatters boss Gary Brabin, you might recall, was recently heard Barry Fry-ing about how Connell's agent said the move is all go. "It's a horrible way to carry on to speak about another club's player like that," says Deadly John (Topcon). "It appears there has been contact with the agent and if there has it is out of order because Alan is contracted to us."

Indeed. And let's just remind ourselves what happened when Shorty and Shouty conveniently resigned from Boston United at the exact moment when Grimsby Town were knocked back by their first five choices for manager. In the words of Deadly himself: "David [Newton, Boston chairman] refused permission for us to talk to them. The news had clearly got through to Paul and Rob and they knew of this club's interest by then." Yep, totally out of order.

Tuesday 12 July
Well, we are down to a single reader, as a chap emailed us yesterday to hurl abuse, also claiming our readership was down to two. So I'm assuming Dave Bell won't be bothering with this today and therefore, it's just your Guest Diarist and you, gentle reader. Let's look for some positive stuff, eh?

Hey, the Telegraph ran a half-decent article yesterday! The piece explains where the managers are with their squad and confirms the Duffy and Makofo situation (no interest, no movement except the two chaps working hard in training). And the only bit missing is any information at all about poor old airbrushed Josh Fuller. Two years ago he was Andi Thanoj. Think on, Andi � if the end comes, you probably won't know for a month. And certainly not from reading the club's website or the local rag.

And what of Town's vacant friendly Saturday, made possible by those lovely people at Hull withdrawing their very generous offer at little notice? Well, Barnsley have been as badly done to as Town with their proposed game against 'Dutch giants' Feyernoord being prevented by South Yorkshire Police, who claimed they had fears on public safety grounds or some such tosh. So a friendly between the two clubs has been arranged at Oakwell (not the Valley, as some briefly surmised at one point yesterday) on Saturday 23 July. Tickets a mere twelve quid.

I'll sign off with Richard Lord who has been in touch to offer his thoughts on the whole daft world of GTFC and its PR:

"GTFC needs to understand that Cod Almighty, The Fishy, Grim Outlook, Facebook, blogs, and Tweets are each fantastic ways of complementing the football club. They are communication tools that should be used in this modern social media-minded era by football clubs to engage with their fans. They are not enemies, nor are they competitors. They are extra ways of communication and they should be embraced. They are good things, but until GTFC sees them as such then we're going to have situations such as Connellgate happening again. And again.

"I've immersed myself in public relations for the last few years and the biggest thing I've learnt so far is that you have to change your mindset. It's not acceptable to be defensive. PR is not spin. If you think it is, then you were clearly taught it in the 90s, or not taught it very well at all. PR doesn't aim to hide the bad and promote the good. PR is simply relating to the public; giving them the information they need to make their own minds up. PR is the process of information-giving. PR is about being honest. It's about being transparent. It's about being professional. It's about building and gaining the trust of customers, journalists, fans, supporters and stakeholders by being honest. There is nothing wrong with saying: 'We hold our hands up, we made an honest mistake, we apologise for the confusion and this is what we'll do to make sure it doesn't happen again.' It's not a weakness any more. People respect others who are able to identify their own flaws.

"It saddens me that, over time, GTFC has built up an 'us against the world' mentality when it shouldn't be that way. If the football club ever wants to use my expertise in PR then I'm more than willing to get involved."

Thanks, Richard, for that. Will the club take your clearly reasoned, sage advice? It would be a first, but let's hope so. By the way, GTFC, we'll gladly pass on Richard's email address if you want it. I won't publish it here because the arse-ache should be ours and ours alone of receiving abusive, badly spelled emails from people who refuse to recognise that the club makes mistakes, denies them, makes ill-thought-through attempts to deflect the blame and then makes a childish, pathetic attempt at a cover-up.

Anyway, never let it be said that I'm incapable of apology. I am sorry that Cod Almighty had the temerity to report the complete inconsistency between what the club, the chairman, the BBC and the local newspaper said 12 months ago and what they said last week. Now, let's draw a bloody line. See yer.

Monday 11 July
Mardy Diary writes: "Connel: Our tracker thing is fucking shit amd we got our facts wrong so lets blame the Club for getting it wrong. Dont cry, it will be alright tossers" says the email from someone who can't even spell Connell correctly. But did we? I thought Friday's diary was all about facts and getting them correct: the club announced that Connell had a one-year option, then a year later it said he didn't, then it removed the original article and then put it back again.

So, what could possibly be the explanation? Well, with no correction or clarification seemingly appearing on the club's website, we have to delve a little further to find out. And so it was, on the club's official messageboard that the "admin" had made it clear: "It was anticipated that Alan Connell would sign for the club on a 2-year + a 1 year option deal last summer. The player and his agent were not happy with that deal and Alan eventually signed a 2 year contract. As for the conspiracy theory, the link seems to be working okay and we have no intention of deleting the said article". Here's the post, in case it happens to � I dunno � disappear at some point:

Let's look at that second point first, and let's be clear that this isn't any kind of conspiracy theory but a matter of rank incompetence on the part of the club. The page was temporarily removed from the club website, as it was working first thing in the morning and disappeared not long after Friday's diary went up. But don't take our word for it: plenty of other people noticed this on The Grim Outlook, The Fishy and the club's own messageboard. The article reappeared later, dated 8 July 2011:

So back to the initial point: Alan Connell was originally going to sign a two-year plus one-year option, but changed his mind. OK � no problem with that. That happens all the time in negotiations and you can clearly see how the confusion arose. However, it does leave one question: why is it that the club's website chose to announce the signing of Alan Connell on a two-year plus one-year option before the contract was even signed? Even if they were a little premature with the announcement, why didn't they go back and correct their original article after the event?

We're not suggesting that Alan Connell didn't sign a two-year contract, by the way � for the confused who think this is some weird conspiracy theory. No, we're happy in the belief that Connell signed such a contract. The issue here is the club's official media outlet choosing, rather randomly, to point an accusatory finger at other people and suggest that they were promoting an untruth, even though that very fact emanated from their own source. Even the Telegraph, cautious as it always is where Fenty is concerned, has pointed out that it was misinformed originally.

But this isn't a big deal, really: if they'd made a mistake originally and since corrected it � fine. But again, it is the nature of how they choose to do business. Rather than fess up and apologise or even quietly correct the original source without saying anything, they choose to go straight in on the attack and expect the fans to just sit back and take this. And where does it leave them? It leaves them stood there gormlessly staring into the middle distance with their piss-sodden and shit-flecked kecks hanging around their ankles once more.

And to top it all off, after all that, someone has the temerity to suggest it's Cod Almighty who has our facts wrong: someone apparently in a senior position at the council, who works in some capacity at the club and is close friends and golf partner to the Fenty family. And he does this by emailing abuse to us where he can't even spell the name 'Connell' correctly. This, my friends, this is the issue.

It makes me wonder whether, even if we do gain promotion, the club can really achieve anything while it continues to be 'non-League' in the way it chooses to go about business. It acts with unapologetic arrogance and treats the fans with utter contempt, even when things are going reasonably well on the pitch. Because it doesn't matter what the players or management do: there'll always be someone in an official capacity at the club willing to stick their over-sized clownshoe in their gobshite mouth.

Friday 8 July
Cod Almighty's Mardy Diary was the inventor of the Cod Almighty contract tracker thingy. He designed it, he built it and he maintains it lovingly. It is a thing of beauty, he says. And it has its uses � especially today, when your Guest Diarist has noticed that the club's superb new official website has published a terse, kneejerk statement about the contract of Alan Connell.

It reads: "Despite reports elsewhere, we would like to make it clear that Alan Connell is contracted with Grimsby Town Football Club until the summer of 2012 � there is no third year option within this contract."

The reports elsewhere? Well, they seem to have started with one John Fenty (Topcon), who said this: "Alan's contracted to this club for two seasons. If we get promoted it automatically triggers a third season." Now, following Mr Fenty's lecture to us all explaining that if comments made by him in the press are enclosed in speech marks then this proves that he actually said those very words, we can all be sure that this is a true fact.

And if more proof is needed, gentle reader, then read the words written when Connell signed for the club here: "Grimsby Town have signed former Bournemouth striker Alan Connell on a two-year deal with the club having an option of a further year." In fact, blow me down with a bloody feather � here is how the superb new official website announced the signing nigh on a year ago: "Neil Woods has got his man after former Bournemouth striker Alan Connell put pen-to-paper on a 2-year plus a one year option deal at the club this morning." **

Fact-checking is in decline these days. And folk are quick to throw the mud, whether they are justified in doing so or not. We've had emails that say stuff like "it's fucking shit that tracker � why don't you get your facts right" when a small delay has occurred in updating it due to Mardy being caught short on the lavvy for five minutes or summat. But the fact that the official publicity organ of the club is so reactive to messageboard rumours and postulation that it jerks its 'professional' salaried knee in such a pathetic and inaccurate way, publishing 'facts' which directly contradict other 'facts' issued to the media by themselves � and separately to the BBC by their chairman � just shows what a pathetic chaotic regime Mr Fenty presides over. Now this screen refuting Connell's third year might well be removed. But don't worry folks � we've got a screen grab of it. The dog won't eat this homework.

And while the club is resolved to not keep paying players off, perhaps today is the day for the SNOS to bury further bad news and admit that Josh Fuller has been paid off. Or deny that rumour with proof. The public are sick of lying, cheating journalists who get 'stories' by illegal means. The fans of Grimsby Town are sick of half-truths, downright lies and blustering behaviour provoked by messageboard nesbits who have realised they can influence a weak chairman by shouting and stamping their feet. For Christ's sake get a grip Mr Fenty. Or pass the baton to one who can. See yer.

** Post script 09:30 � Well, what a surprise the SNOS page announcing Connells contract from July 2010 has mysteriously disappeared. Fenty vainly trying to airbrush the truth just like I predicted.

Thursday 7 July
Your Part-Time Diary has been well and truly out of the Grimsby Town news loop for the past couple of weeks � by taking my diary name far too literally and buggering off to warmer climes. I half expected to come back to find Alan Connell sold. I fully expected to come back to find that Church and Pearson had ended up at Fleetwood. And I certainly did not expect to come back to find a pretty much fully functioning midfield had been put in place. Throw in a couple of festive derbies and the football news has certainly taken the edge off the rainy weather on my return.

Things always look better before the football starts though and that's when we really get to see if all the individual conditioning and "working harder than ever before ever" pay off. Shorty and Shouty appear to have their work cut out if we're to believe Rob Atkinson's assertion that before this pre-season he had only thought there was one seven o'clock in the day. Presumably in Devon the other year, 7pm was the time the players were expected to join the manager in the hotel bar for some good old-fashioned squad bonding. Atkinson is looking forward to his early return to Blundell Park with Fleetwood on the first day of the season, and will be playing as a striker if his training top is anything to go by.

Luton have apparently had a bid for Connell rejected. The messageboards are full of conflicting opinions. We all know the situation: it will take a good bid to get Connell. Clubs have not yet been willing to put in a good enough bid for a 28-year-old with only one really good season at Conference level to his name, and as pre-season gets closer it becomes less and less likely that Al will leave � hopefully, anyway.

A week on Saturday and we're off, kind of, and we can put some performances and faces to the names of all these shiny new signings. Not much else is happening until then, so I'm going to show off my tan and I'll write a better diary next week, when I know what's going on again, honest.

Wednesday 6 July
Fourteen months ago, when Deadly John (Topcon) took Grimsby Town FC out of the Football League, your original/regular Diary, as always, tried to look around for the positives. There'd be some new grounds to visit. Cod Almighty would be allowed to publish a fixture list without some wanker threatening to sue us. And the chairman would take a long, hard look at his own role in the Mariners' relegation and abandon his calamitous strategy of changing the manager every five minu... oh.

As it turned out, of course, Town's first season of non-League football featured more negatives than positives. But that's not to say next season will necessarily do likewise. True, after he sacked Neil Woods, Deadly John (Topcon)'s first half-dozen or so managerial targets may have run a mile screaming. But the poor suckers who finally took the job seem to be impressing some supporters with their activity in the transfer market. And several years after the Football League quietly phased out bank holiday derby matches, let's all rejoice at their return next season. Because if that bungling Tory pillock had never taken Town into the Conference, there's no way we'd be lining up against Lincoln City on Boxing Day and New Year's Day. Good on yer, John!

Meanwhile, the good old Grimsby Telewag has managed to publish an article about who Town are playing on the first day of the season without ever mentioning when the first day of the season actually is. And Town's superb new official website deserves enormous credit for managing to use both "Frankie Says Yes" and "Frankie Relaxed" on the very first day of Frankie Artus' term as a Grimsby Town player. The Diary is already enjoying the utter perplexity of every Town fan below the age of 30, and looks forward to the revival of plans for the Fentydome, which the SNOS will doubtless headline "Welcome to the Pleasuredome".

If Alan Connell is to leave Blundell Park before the new season, it won't be to Wimbledon. After returning to the Football League through the play-offs this summer, the south London side added to their striking personnel by signing Charles 'Charles' Ademeno. But their efforts to pair the former GTFC workhorse with his erstwhile teammate Connell have come to an end. Dons manager Terry Brown has baulked at the fee being demanded by Town, telling the Surrey Herald: "He's a proven goalscorer in the Conference and at pro level as well, but they have priced him out of the market to be honest." That's the idea, obviously.

So how much are Town after for him? It was reported earlier this week that another recent entrant to the Football League, Stevenage, had unsuccessfully bid �65,000 for Connell during the last transfer window. Clearly it would make no sense at all for the Mariners to sell at such a price, as it would cost far more in signing-on fees and paying off contracts for the 20 or 30 strikers Town would need to bring in and ship out before discovering another who has anything like Connell's scoring rate. With Stevenage and Wimbledon successfully priced out, then, it seems that Connell will only depart at the flexing of the financial muscle packed by a genuinely big club. So, Fleetwood Town it is, then.

Lastly today, for those of you tracking the movements of Paul Groves, he's now working as a youth team coach with Bournemouth. A step down from assistant manager of West Ham, perhaps, but a step up from manager of Grimsby, surely?

Tuesday 5 July
Your Guest Diarist is belatedly here to guide you through the aftermath of the morning and, of course, the night before. We have fixtures, we have a midfield folks. The Town bosses have now signed eight players and got rid of a load more so we can say this is their squad, right? They've signed them early enough to be able to have a more or less full pre-season and they say the Chairman has accepted all their requests with alacrity.

The latest to swallow the shouty-shorty shilling for at least this next season is left-sided player from Brizzle Mr Frankie Artus. His name reminds me of a Tour de France domestique. He is tallish, athletic and comes to us off the back of thirty loan games last season for Cheltenham. The managers say he is versatile down the left hand side or in the centre so I have to say he looks a decent signing on paper. Having just dug and rotavated all morning in the full sun I haven't the energy to go trawling for fans comments but I bet they are split between well-rid-of and well-thought-of so let's just leave it like that shall we?

And I gather Rushden's final capitulation yesterday has led to some fixtures for next season being published. We play Fleetwood at home first. In fact we start the season at home, end it at home to Southport, play Lincoln on Boxing Day and New Years Day, with a total of six league games a month for the first three months. This means Chairman Fenty will know by the end of October whether he's minded for a six month manager change or whether he can go the full eighteen.

There we have it � new signings with the emphasis on ambition, energy, mobility, athleticism. And a big hulk up front. Those of you who asked for these qualities and attributes, well you've got them I reckon. They are a twittery lot too so you can submerge your mind in the banality of their house hunts, their in-jokes and all the other things folk tweet about if you are so minded.

OK gentle reader, my hands are soiled, I really smell and the Tour is on Eurosport so I'll love you and leave you until next time. Mr Diary is back tomorrow, so let's all look forward to that. See yer.

Monday 4 July
Mardy Diary writes: Well, today's a bit of a letdown after all the excitement of last week, isn't it? Not that I'm complaining, mind: I've said often enough that I'd be happier with a smaller squad of players. A smaller squad means more focus and a more settled side (as there's less option for tinkering). It forces the managers' hand � especially as loans still take a little while to bring in. But it forces them to work with what they've got: stick with a player who's not quite found form; throw in a youngster to cover a short-term injury; play a settled side. And if there are more serious long-term injuries, then that's where the loan system comes in to play. Isn't this what the loan system was really for in the first place? That and giving teams the option to 'try out' players before buying them.

So I'm happy. I'm happy that there's the potential to get to know the names and style of play of a settled group of players. Happy that we don't have to go on about which midfield pairing is the one that really works, who should partner Connell up front, what the first choice back four is. All of this is pretty obvious now � and that's not to say that there isn't competition, just that there's not too much competition. A settled side brings consistency, and then hopefully results. The last time we had anywhere near this small size of squad was under Buckley's last spell, and coincidently that's the last time we put together any kind of unbeaten run worth talking about. Still, some people flap on about squad rotation, but it's just not relevant at this level. Or at most levels. Or any level.

Of course, this consistency and small squad approach can only really work if it is allowed to work: you catch my drift, right? If the first choice get off to a flying start, then I guess we won't even be discussing changes. But we all know, a slow start, the odd bad result and the murmurs will start. It's then that wholesale changes or new signings or loans start to unsettle the team and lead to the inconsistency that has plagued the team over the last few years. If the new two in charge hold their ground and put faith in their players above the groans of (some of) the fans then that consistency may come. There's no guarantee, of course, but we can never know without trying.

The other issue of course is the Fenty factor. The consistency of the team isn't just affected by a consistent and focused group of players � but by consistent leadership too. If things aren't looking great in October will they be given time to make the tweaks to put things right? And tweaks are what will be needed, barring utter disaster: tweaks and small changes, not throwing more money at temporary fixes. And come the end of the season we may have done well � but doing well and not finishing top in this league doesn't guarantee promotion. If we're there or thereabouts do we remain calm and tweak or do we start the whole sorry cycle again?

So, I'll be buying my season ticket soon and hoping, as I always do, that we're taking the calm approach this time. More fool me, eh?

Friday 1 July
Guest Diary writes: In every dream home a heartache. The sun is shining, the players have come back without spare tyres and are lapping happily, the group is forming. And another piece of the jigsaw was put in place yesterday with the signing on a one-year contract of Anthony Church. But there's still something missing; something, apparently, which may rain on the parade of Shorty and Shouty.

And that's why the club has issued a cryptic yet urgent appeal to the taxi drivers of Grimsby. Only they have the knowledge. Heed well, ye licensed hackney drivers: come forward and deliver unto the club that which they so badly need. Whatever it is, there's only one way to find out.

The Mariners Player camera has been lingering long and often this week on the bare torso of Mr Kempson, who has staged his own one-man strike and refused to wear a training top. Interviews have been broadcast to the background of monotonous steady lapping and shuttling. Two of the players integral to the remake/remodel exercise have chatted to Dale, who has his first identikit interview questions down pat. Church is voluble, explaining that, although he is not football mad, he remembered just in time that he used to want to be a footballer. So he's become one despite the attractions of, erm, banking. Disley, whose very name programmes my mental jukebox for at least half an hour, expressed more than once his discomfort at being a new boy.

Both players talked box to box and emphasised scoring goals. Church was big on passion like Pearson had been big on clean sheets. Whereas Liam Hearn talked about realising a dream to play "in such a big stadium", Anthony exuded a lot more inner confidence because he knows he has his degree from Loughborough to fall back upon. The 'each graduate vacancy averaging 83 applicants' article appears to have passed him by.

Those untrustworthy Hully-Gullies have broken their promise to play Town in a friendly with all proceeds to go to the Town youth. They've had a better offer from Liverpool and accepted it with alacrity, leaving the Town bosses scrabbling to organise a replacement.

And how can we end this week of signings and training and sunshine without more news from Town financial statistician Steve Wraith? He has told the Telegraph that Town have sold slightly south of 550 season tickets and over 800 replica shirts this pre-season. See how I casually dropped into financial speak with that 'slightly south' expression?

But it's amazing how stoic the folk of Grimsby are: inflict everlasting pain and they still come back for more. Despite every goddess a let-down, every idol a bring-down, their predilection just goes on and on. It might be a bit different this time though, with several signings stepping up to full-time football for the first time with something to prove. Just give me your future, we'll forget your past. See yer.

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