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The one with lots of letters about cats
13 May 2003
In this week's Postbag: a pedant writes; Cod Almighty in live radio shocker; Livvo and onions; soapy tips; keen Keane; he's still not happy; cats, cats and more bloody cats; save the diary one; Danger Mat; Tony's holiday plans; drinking; Cookeing; and radio killed the radio star.
In Mr Diary's stupor he made the classic journo mistake of confusing two Town players. Boulding, Bolder, they all look the same these Grimbarians.
I'm shocked and stunned that Mr Diary could make such an error, even if deaf, dumb and blind, I thought he'd have a feeling.
Anon
by email
Sorry to keep emailing you about my radio listening habits, but I'm sure I heard the words "Cod" and "Almighty" said succesively on Five Live on Monday night. Is this so? I caught bits of an interview with a chap in Grimsby but my mind was on washing the pots. A few beers on a bank holiday, the lady wants me to get finished so she can have a quiet night in... It's only at the end of the interview I started to twig. Was it one of you chaps? Why don't you do it more often? You could be the most eloquent and articulate ambassadors for the town! Move over Austin!
And on another thing, now the football season is over, what are you boys and girls going to do now for the next few months?
See you in August. But I hope to read more of you all by then.
Alex Winter
by email
Indeed it was us Mr Winter. We conducted an interview with 92-club attemptee Mark Clemitt. We spoke to him for about ten minutes, but alas were only featured for about fifteen seconds. Details and pictures should be on the Five Live website when they finally update it.
As for the close season - keep watching folks. We've got plenty of stuff lined up to keep you entertained. More details later. [Letters Ed]
Regarding Pete Green's excellent examination of the 'players on the verge', I feel that he might be doing the mighty Livvo a disservice.
It has been said before that Livvo ruffles players up. Who can forget the time he clattered the Tranmere goalkeeper, unnerving the whole of
the visiting team in the process? Maybe it is time we employed Livvo on the pitch and just neglected any footballing contribution he might
contrive to add. Livvo, your mission will be to shake the opposition up. In addition, there is the mysterious rule that ten men seem to play better than eleven. Straight away Town will be off to a flier.
Also, Livvo could be deployed in training to toughen up the youngsters. What more could possibly put more hairs on the chests of our fringe players than a good training ground elbowing from the Ginger Ninja?
Finally, you say that Livvo always seems to have a stormer after he's been written off. Solution: write him off after every game. Maybe the established circle of Grimsby Town reporters could work out some rota so they can take it in turns to gee the big man up. All we have to do is
get them to the pub to work it - I am prepared to fund the round of drinks. The board and club management can thank me later.
Apart from you overlooking these minor points, an excellent article.
Dave Pembridge
by email
Hiya.
Has your diary writer thought about buying a weekly copy of TV Quick? There's a summary of the previous weeks soap action. Or buy Saturday's
Sun which comes with a "free" tv guide which also has a similar round up from the world of tv soaps.
Bye!
Natalie Stone
by email
So Michael Keane is in trouble for over-celebrating to opposition fans is he?
How long before the Blades pair of Kabba and Kozluk and that little Palace brat Routledge get punished for upsetting the Town faithful with
their insolence?
Or should we not hold our breath?
Dan Humphrey
by email
More?! MORE?! Don't you get the hint? POETRY. POOFS. Same thing! Just ask Oscar Wilde!
Andy Harrow
by email
Ooh! Hark at her! [Letters Ed]
Si - why did you not just name the female feline Stevie?
Then you could claim to Town fan pals that it is named after Croudson, and also bullshit to your glittering litterati friends that it was
after the poetess?
Just a thought (and, yes I do know what thought did!)
Richard
by email
Don't worry Simon, you're not on your own. My eleven year old moggy is named Buckley (after Alan, not Adam).I have taken great pleasure in explaining his unusual name to new neighbours as I have moved around the country.
His name is also a compromise as she who shall be obeyed refuses to allow the house to be called 'Blundell Cottage', despite her being from Cleethorpes.
Mark Wilson
by email
I had a black and white kitten, it had a shortlist of two names, either Kebab or Town. I plumped for Town and then it ran away after a few
months, the following season we were relegated. Which wasn't nice.
Al Wilkinson
by email
Top marks to Simon Wilson for his article on naming his cat after Mr Croudsen. How that bloke will be able to hold his head high in Blundell
Park again I do not know! It was a funny article and very touchingly highlighted one of the more sadder remits of being a fan of Grimsby, probably any other football team at that. I can't remember the last time somebody wrote a football article about a cat either! A marvellous and (as far as I know) original insight.
Thanks also for so many other great articles, tongues firmly in cheek when needed, amusing, enlightening, thoughtful, and no signs of
pretension. Keep up the good work!
And if Simon does ever get his cat to meet the real Steve please, please print the pictures!
Dave Marsh
by email
Please continue providing a diary at some point over the weekend. It's an invaluable read. I realise you might have other less important
things to do like washing the pots, catching up on your sleep, cleaning the house, spending some time with Mrs Diary or reading the Guardian but even if you have to choose other football news or something totally unrelated to football, please do. Or suggest readers send in articles and tit bits for you to choose from. I don't know, man! But please be there for me at the weekends!
Paul Lacey
by email
Mr Diary replies: Oooh, all right then. Since you've asked so nicely, I think we'll carry on with a Diary on Sundays over the summer. But if there's no footy to write about and you end up being driven mad by endless reams of guff about pop music, hay fever and getting drunk then it's all your own fault - all right?
I fail to see how "Cod Almighty tipster Mat Hare's final tips of the season are strangely reminiscent of an episode of Danger Mouse". Unless it's that one where Baron Greenback's evil schemes to take over the world finally succeed because DM and Penfold are too trolleyed on weird
European booze to stop him.
Jo Tilley
by email
Andy replies: The teaser was in reference to Mat's "Who will win? Will anyone actually start to read this shit? Who cares?" bit at the end of the 10-11 May column. Do you not remember how all DM episodes finished?
Bit tetchy isn't he? [Letters Ed]
Now the football season is over, other than a long rest, what is Tony Butcher planning on doing during his summer? Does he turn his attentions
to another sport or topic? Or does he do research for his reports? And - I am presuming - that he will be doing them again next season? It would be fascinating to learn more about the man himself.
Paul Harrison
by email
We hope to conduct an interview with Mr Butcher over the summer to find out why he persists with all those 70s prog rock references. Keep reading. [Letters Ed]
Mat.
You say you "caned loads of sambuca". How many was "loads"? I'd be interested to find out.
Cheers
Mark Hardy
by email
Mat replies: After a pint of Guinness, an attitude adjuster and a bottle and a half of white wine, I had four or five sambucas. Followed by another half bottle of wine and another sambuca. So admittedly not loads of sambucas but a load of booze nonetheless.
Pete Green seems to have hit the nail on the head regarding Terry Cooke.
I, for one, am getting a little tired of the constant debate about why he hasn't made the Grimsby team this season. It's in the past so why
dwell on it? Whatever the issues, in the manager's opinion Cooke didn't make the grade. The lad was given a great chance. It would be a shame if a clash with the manager was the cause of Cooke's ommission from the first team, but no one player is bigger than a team or a club. And the fans need to believe and trust in the manager's judgment.
Pete seems to have covered off the debate sensibly and comprehensively drawing reference to Cooke's past, with a balanced eye on his time at
Town. Despite the occasional glimmer of what he could do, it is a shame Cooke never consistently showed what he could do at Town, but let's
move on. One player wouldn't have changed Town's fortunes over a season - there were too many other problems for the club, players and supporters to contend with.
Let's look to the future. It may be in the second division but it couldn't get worse than most of the previous season!
Lee Harris
by email
Sorry to sound like your regular wireless correspondant, but have you heard Five Live recently? Nicky Campbell and Simon Mayo have shows on the channel. It's like early 90s Radio One. Who next to return? Jacqui Brambles? The all-too-hilarious Steve Wright (and his chums)? The equally side-splitting Chris Evans? Why not just jump the gun and move Tim Westwood over to Five Live's breakfast show now. SHOUT! That'll get us up in the morning.
Alex Winter
by email
Wow! That's a lot of letters. Keep it up folks, we like to hear from you. Just use the feedback page. Easy!
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