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The one with more Havelock nonsense

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The one with more Havelock nonsense

19 June 2003

In this week's Postbag: the continued saga of the Havelock Music Appreciation Society; Butcher bites back; how to embezzle Grimsby style; there are those that call me Tim; cockney bashing; season tickets; there's more to Jordan than his breasts; a main stand dentist writes; letterhead recycling plans; the circus attacks Grimsby; name your MP; and Andy H is nunty

Messrs Butcher and Ackandwhitebarmy may be interested to know that the controversy over use of the stereo in the Havelock sixth form common room was still raging when I loafed my way through some A-levels several years later.

Me and my mate Chris Huxley were the first people in Grimsby to get into R.E.M. and made it a point of principle to rile our Erasure and New Kids On The Block worshipping peers by repeatedly playing the 'Document' LP at every available morning break. "What's this shit, Greenie?" they would scoff. And I bet you any money that when 'Shiny happy people' came out a bit later they were the ones trudging dutifully to the dancefloor every time it came on at the Pier.

They all got worse exam results than me as well, despite doing loads more revision. They're probably earning three times more money now, but that's by the by.
Pete Green
via email



The original mail (postbag 4 June) did not mention the Ayn Rand fetish, which attacks me for something I never wrote.

Dave Gilmour is a goat molester, by the way.

Who is Mr B.L.Ackandwhitebarmy, for his dating of his sixth form years would make his/her an exact contemporary of me, that is I, not Alex. There was only one Barclay James Harvest album (and one is, of course, three too many), and it was soon superceded by the Rushophyllic tendancy.

We had to make our own entertainment in those days, just a table tennis table, record player and chessboard. Come to think of it, that sounds like the perfect ingredients for a prog rock album
Tony Butcher
via email



62,700,000 - 250,000

I was just doing some quick maths here. The first figure is the profit Jarvis have just announced. The second figure is the amount Town are rumoured to be receiving from Jarvis.

If I was a Town fan giving/donating a sum of money from my company's coffers before disappearing off the face of the earth, I would have been more generous than the miserly sum of a quarter of a million quid.

In case you were wondering, the answer to the simple maths query was 62,450,000 English pounds.
Dave Chambers
via email



Sir

After having read your letters column I have to say that I am most insulted that you feel Mr. B.L. Ackandwhite-Barmy is in some way trying to mimic my prolific letter writing prowess. I suggest that you halt forthwith or at least before I finish the other letter that I am writing simultaneously to my MP Mr. Austin Haddock.
Tim Mickleburgh (Allegedly)
via email

Ok, ok. We're sorry Mr B.L. Ackandwhite-barmy. You can start sending letters under your own name again now :) [Letters Ed]



I don't like cockneys.

During half-term I tried to use up some non-football hours by going to Lords to watch the Test Match. I arrived at the back of a queue to get in, and some short man stood up on a platform to one side of all the queues and started shouting. Now you understand all the protests about the regime of that Mugabe fellow that were taking place, so I watched the stewards with anticipation, looking forward to a big struggle...

It was about this point I realised the bloke wasn't some protester shouting in a native Zimbabwe tongue, but some steward shouting in a completely incomprehensible native London tongue. To make matters worse I was planning to take into the ground my GTFC flag (a cross of St George with the letters G, T, F and C printed on it in black and white, and of course a fish). However the cockney stewards wouldn't let me in with it because it constituted a banner, and no banners were allowed into the ground because of the aforementioned protests (you must understand my uncle is from Middlesex and this he translated into English for me, so it may not have been word for word what the stewards said). What the hell did they think GTFC stood for?? Gabble Talking F*&%ing Cockneys perhaps?

And one more thing, they say all roads lead to London. It occurs to me that if you exclude one-way streets, all roads must also lead away from London. That's a relief.
Sir Michael Shelton
via email



I'm wondering if you know when the season ticket renewal forms are being sent out. Did any of the Cod Almighty team have season tickets last season? And have you received your renewal forms?

A couple of mates I know have got their forms through while another friend hasn't. The only thing that seems to be in common is that I have moved home since I purchased my previous season ticket as has my other friend who hasn't received a renewal form. We have both informed the club that we have changed address though.

If you know of any reason why there might be a delay I'd be grateful for your help and advice. I have e-mailed the club but have yet to receive a reply.

Keep up the good work.
Alex Winter
via email

Alex, all of the CA team who are season ticket holders have received the letter. We answered this in the diary, but in case you missed it the club has stated that anyone not receiving a renewal form should e-mail them using ticket@gtfc.co.uk and they'll sort you out [Letters Ed]



Mark's letter about Phil Alexander is spot on. Alexander is covering his arse as Simon Jordan will employ another clueless manager (and he has), lavish him with yet more ridiculous amounts of money and these combined won't enable the Eagles to make the top six - hence a play off place.

As usual they'll finish just outside the play offs, i.e. seventh, eighth. Bingo. Play off expansion proposal suits them. No doubt, Palace would spawn their way up, get mercilessly exposed and thumped every week and Jordan (Simon not the balloon-breasted obsession of lad mags) will walk away like a tempestuous child. We're all thankful the proposal fell flat on its face.

Nifty site. A shame your boys got relegated. Hope you bounce back. We'll still be mulling around in midtable mediocrity when you rejoin us.
Harry Webster (Crystal Palace supporter)
via email



it is people like u who help make the people in grimsby not support there club with storys like art seat. insted of tacking the piss out of the club why dont u support the club. u mite not agree with the idea but at least the club is tryin to do something to get people to giv them more money. at least u could support them. it is always the same. people all ways knock the club but never say well dun. i have a season ticket and i wil all ways have 1. i have had 1 since 1997. i put my money into the club. the club needs my money. may be the club would get more money if people like u dint nock it so much.
Main Stand season ticket holder
via email

You dentists are all the same [Letters Ed]



I was reading through my mate's season ticket renewal info at the weekend and my mind got ticking. The information came on Grimsby Town FC letterhead with the new sponsor's logo printed on it. Now, what does the club do with any remaining letterhead and other stationary with the club's old sponsor on? Do they just sling it in the skip? Do they put the sheets of paper in the printer upside-down for 'internal documents'? Or do they print unimportant club communiques out on it and send it out in the hope no-one notices? Or did they run out of Dixon-carrying stationary, and this pushed them to seek a new sponsor?

Looking forward to your reply on this one.
Mark Varney
via email

Funny you should mention this Mark, as CA received reports recently that the letters sent out to people wanting to buy shares in the club actually had the old Dixon letterhead. So now you know [Letters Ed]



Does anybody know if there exists, in a newspaper on-line archive or something, documented evidence to prove that Grimsby was once, all be it very briefly, over-run with lions?
Mick Ebbs
via email

I remember finding the story on the Daily Telegraph site some years ago, but I'm not sure it's still in their archive. The CA team remember it very well. Two lions escaped and a local man was mauled by one before they were captured. Do any of our readers have a link to documented evidence? [Letters Ed]



Austin only changed his name for Seafood Week 2002 in celebration of his favourite fish. So now he is Mitchell again!

Wonder what he'll do for Seafood Week 2003?
Christine Solloway
via email



Sir

I am slightly worried by Andy H's description of the word 'nunty'. It seems very detailed. Could it be that it was he that stood at the edge of the playground in that anorak?

All the evidence points towards this.
Sam
via email



Excellent, excellent. That's what we like to see. Keep 'em coming folks. The feedback page is there to make your letter writing life easier.

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