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Postbag: Apocalypse Now
10 November 2004
If you've been holding your breath for the next letters page, you'll… well, you'll probably be dead. We're sorry. But look! It's back! Having filled in for the Diary occasionally, and once or twice on the tips, I'm now stepping into the shoes of Mr postbag. Ooh. Ouch. Eek. Hmmm… does pink suit me? How does he walk in these things? Oh, it's Miles, by the way. Hello! We found the aforementioned Mr postbag crushed under a veritable Everest of mail and we had to take him to hospital and stuff. There's a lot of letters. Shall I just get on with it? All right then.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your letters [Sub Letters Ed]
Call My Bluff
Chris Hickey got me curious too so I had a quick surf and found this: "Charlton Athletic, sometimes known as 'The Valiants' are also known as 'The Addicks'. This is derived from the South London slang for the Haddock fish. Accounts vary as to why this became Charlton's nickname but it is likely that it was due to the original teams love of eating Haddock or the fact that they took opponents for a fish supper after the games."
…or is it Sandi Toksvig's explanation? Ding! Next word, please. [Sub Letters Ed]
Cumbawumba and Dumber
not strictly a song about Town but more a song I wish was about
Yorkshire anarchists, Chumbawumba's Tubthumping -
We'll be singing
When we're winning we'll be singing
(okay so far, maybe change singing to whingeing)
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
(if only they'd made the last line "something, something Grimsby Town")
Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away
He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
(maybe this relates to former playing staff that could always be found leaning on the bar at Pier39?)
Yeah, thanks for that. [Sub Letters Ed]
Did I ever email in and mention that I once asked the balding singer of Showaddy Waddy why they'd mentioned Twon in their Hit "Hey, Rock 'n' Roll"? No, well he pointed out that the line isn't "Hey Rock 'n' Roll, Grimsby Town have scored" it is in fact "Hey Rock 'n' Roll, Let's hit the town and roll". Not a great line is it? Anyway, he wasn't too gracious but I don't care, I wasn't the one backstage spraying black stuff on my head to make my hair look thicker. Cheers and UTM,
Not a great line, no. But at least it rhymes. [Sub Letters Ed]
I am sat drunkenly in a wierd internet cafe in kilburn waiting for a
cod alimight is the best.
Wake up, mate - your cab's here. [Sub Letters Ed]
Its certainly getting more like a message room!!!
1 I agree with the diary Wednesday 22/09. 7535 his arse. I judge the crowd by 2 things – how far from the ground I have to park and annoy the locals, and the payout from the half time draw. On Tuesday they were way both much greater than Saturday.
2 Pedantic porcine lout – CSE's and GCE's were running in tandem by 1969 when I had to do them. How old does that make Pete Green now?
3 Macc match – is that the Denis Zitman with the lethal left foot that went to a certain Cleethorpes school? (I won't embarrass either of us by naming names). If so, all the best!
(Told you it was turning to a message room.)
Subject: letters page 23 sept
ok so once in a while you can expect a pat on the back for a job well done, but this treacle ladend edition of the letters page should not be taken as confirmation of a job well done. Nice and kind are not words found in the vocabulary of hard hitting and dymamic journalist who shoot from the lip and fly in the face of danger. Or was it a case of there were no letters to print so you got your favorite aunty to write a couple for you.
Hey, we just print what we're sent. We can't help it if we're brilliant and everyone loves us [Sub Letters Ed]
Subject: Great site
Hi there Charlton fan here, just wanted to say what a brilliant site this is and a credit to GTFC. Have ordered a Super Clive t-shirt, maybe you could sell a batch wholesale to our club shop, they'd sell really well!! Thanks also for your kind words about us. I wish some Charlton fans would realise just how lucky they are sometimes, your views on our club give a refreshing perspective on where we are now, it's all a bit unreal!! Never thought I'd see the day etc... Good luck to GTFC for the rest of the season, hope you can get back into, er, The Championship soon.
Why does the Mr postbag as 'via e-mail' to the end of each published name?
As far as I can tell Codalmighty.com is a fully functioning 'electronic, web based fanzine' with no known postal address.
Could you indicate the other forms of communication that might be available? (I take it that the feedback form is classed as e-mail?)
We also accept communications via homing pigeon and telepathy. Hey, why not try one of those for your next letter? [Sub Letters Ed]
Sorry I didn't bleat on in the preview how once upon a time we won the competition now known as the LDV Vans Trophy. I just couldn't be arsed. Yes, we won it once, it was nice at the time, but it is an event consigned to history, it has no bearing on tonight's game.
Now you have honoured one of towns all time goodies in Clive, why not honour readers of your site by printing some cod squad t shirts? You could always pinch the trust logo in cod we trust. See you in court.
And they are..? [Sub Letters Ed]
Subject: utm track
This should definitly be played at every home game i would love to hear the whole of the pontoon singing to it !!!
Any chance of the Up the Mariners being re released or any chance of a copy; Anyone ?
Is the download not enough? Or are you a vinyl purist? [Sub Letters Ed]
just listened to me fav song,,,i own it on vinyl and want it on mp3 but cant save it how do i do it???????????????
Right-click, 'save target as…'. Easy as Mariner's Pie. [Sub Letters Ed]
Initial report on the BBC website about Birds Eye closing, mentioned Grimsby being in Yorkshire.
I sent them a feedback form immediatley but when I went back 2 mins later to copy the URL it had been corrected. I sent he feedback form anyway with link to your article that inspired the T-Shirt, under the complaint of 'Factual Error'. Have I done right ?
Can I claim a rebate on my TV licence?
Had this very quick reply from the BBC OnlineNews Errors Dept, email@example.com
Quote : 'Ian,We apologise for this embarrassing error. Thank you for writing.
BBC News Online'
I like the fact that I get called by my first name in the reply! What if I had been a retired Army General? I would have expected a Mr.Jackson as a bare minimum. Standards are a dropping.
Not having a butcher's
Was looking through a selection of old programmes the other day. 4th October 1980 v. Bristol City. A full page of small advertisments caught my eye. Top left of the page.
I've sent the scan. Could this be the worst case of Football as an analogy for job seeking ever? It was the start of the 80's though and I bet they were lazy buggers back then.
This is genuine, thanks to John Pettit The Butchers, who works hard himself.
I haven't got the scan, unfortunately, so I have no bloody idea what you're on about. [Sub Letters Ed]
Subject: Fucking Mat Hare
Could you ask Mattttt Hare to moderate his language please?
Shall I ask the Earth to stop orbiting the sun while I'm at it? [Sub Letters Ed]
A fan of it
Subject: Poetry man-ovich
Don't know if the normal Diary wrote the poem on Saturday or not, but
either way, it's bloody brilliant. My wife liked it too. Very Edward
Lear. Or maybe Spike Milligan, I can't decide.
Why Friday? Mr Fenty claims to be be pleased with the crowd. Has he checked the gate money? That was the second game of the season that has been ruined by children - some may grow up to be genuine fans, but the five pre-pubescent screaming girls behind me in the Barratt who gave me a raging headache (or was that Sestanovich?) will surely spend their later years doing other things than freezing at Blunder park on a cold December night (unless Mr F decides to further ruin my season). God I'm starting to sound like a Grumpy old man. Reports and Poetry very good re Cheltenham, shame about the game.
Wetter of the week
Ah yes, those green seats. You feel as if you're sat on another planet and maybe we were. I refer to Friday last v Cheltenham. Knew that Stu and I should not have cut out those vouchers to get a cheap pint of Fosters ( is advertising allowed on Cod Almighty ? ) from the Gy Telegraph. Still too late now and we had our pint and by the way, Nic had a coke ( she was driving). As we approached the end of the Pontoon we could see the odd empty seat but not three together so found ourselves ushered into the open corner where we picked our seats with care.
As the first half came to a close so the rain began. It was going to be a long forty five minutes. Stu wiped his glasses while Nic found a hood somewhere from within her coat. I just sat there getting wet. During the second half a kind Steward (no don't stand up if you hate them , He was only trying to help ) let us in to the Main Stand. Three seats together are hard to find but we found three, slap bang behind those perspex sheds on the half way line. We duly sat down like bedraggled rats and as Town attacked I lost sight of the ball. In all the excitement I stood up only to be told by some happy go lucky guy that " HE hadn't paid good money to look at the back of my head." Remembering what my Mum had told me a long time ago " Things always come in Threes" Cheltenham then equallized. Oh Shit !!!!
We all missed valuable drinking time so if Cod Almighty knows of any lock-ins for the next Friday home fixture could you drop me a line. Oh yeah Stu and I must consider a season ticket so we can keep dry.
Wilko on Parko
Subject: BBBC ruins Parko's non-bomb
I might as well confess from the stsrat that I am the "granddad we made earlier" and proud to be so but I should point out that I am not, very definitly NOT Big Al's granddad! I think that the Town needs someone like Parko, does anyone remember Mike Hickman? The problem is that he shouldn't havce been playing where he was that night. I can't get to Blundell Park very often so wouldn't want to appear to be an expert but why on earth was he playing where Reddy should have been?
Friday night's all right
Subject: Friday night footy
Normally I would agree with the Diary that Friday night footy is wrong, but in the case of the Oxford match (originally scheduled for 18th Dec) I may just have to agree with Mr Fenty that it is the right decision in this case. The 18th December, right, is the last Saturday before Christmas and as such is typically a day when blokes get dragged around the shops by their missuses searching for that elusive present for Granny Wilde. So why not allow this to happen without reducing the attendance at Blundell Park by playing the match on a Friday night, eh? The attendance for the Cheltenham match just recently was pretty impressive so some people must think Friday night footy is a good idea mustn't they? Does the Diary live away from Grimsby or something? Is that his objection to it? Makes life too difficult for him, does it?
Friday night's not all right
Its all your fault - individually and collectively. Diary Thurs/GET Weds - another Friday night game. Had you printed my reasoned letter post Cheltenham re crowd volume, gate size and income v pre-pubescent screams/headaches/horrible little children (angry old man again), this would have created such a tidal wave of opposition to Friday footie (and free kids) even the muppets at Blunder Park would have had to sit up and listened. AS it is you are back to your close season habits of only opening the postbag once a month, so spontaneous outburst such as mine are lost in addled brains and forgotten. - and I called them at BP muppets!!!
nice to here on lincs fm, the station that never feature town, that ric astley is bringing a new album out and touring next year. i think he taught stan some of his moves.
Small is beautiful
Subject: Youth game v Bradford
Hi there,I just wanted to express my pleasure at reading your atricle on this game. A real gem. Its always nice to come across a splinter group that has foraged its way into your territoy from back home. I days gone by I used to follow the fortunes of my home town team Workington. They were probably the worst supported league side of the all, managing to eke out an existence on gates of just over a 1000. So you can imagine support at away games was pretty thin to say the least. The feeling however of been there with your team on your own was quite satisfying. I really enjoy this web site and feel it is so much more interesting than the others I have seen. Well done and keep up the good work!
Stats 1, Atkins 0
Subject: What's he on?
Ian Atkins, right, after the town game, right, was on about how he reckoned Bristol Rovers dominated and it was like two points dropped for them and everything, ok?
But the Official Grimsby site reports that we had 11 goal attempts to their 10 and 4 on target to their 3? What's he on about, eh?
I wasn't there, of course, but the numbers don't lie do they?
Ups and downs
So now that we're in the fourth division, Town's attendances have gone up. You wonder what would happen if we carry on getting relegated. Is there a certain level in the non-League pyramid - the Conference North, say - in which average crowds would peak, at around 10,000? Or if we go all the way down to the Lincolnshire League could we expect a 90,000 sell-out for the derby against Grimsby Borough?
It's a great point. I can't wait to find out. [Sub Letters Ed]
macca is having a great run in the side right now ins't he? not just his performances but the number of games. maybe one of your Codalmighty stats people can tell us when was the last time macca played so many conscutive games without getting injured?
I think I see where the trust is going wrong. They've started well with Dave Otter. What they need to do now is build on that base. Get in a Nigel Weasel, Pauline Stoat, Miles Badger, Miranda Fox, Harry Vole, Johnny Squirrel, Bernard Mouse, Dominic Water-Rat, Caterine Pinemartin... you get the idea...
Anagram: Scunthorpe United = Ten torpid eunuchs.
The 'keeper's not too hot either!
When winning is not enough
Subject: Tony Butchers fantasy visit to the Deva Stadium
Now we all know that to visit onto an opponents website is to expect there to be a certain amount of bias. What one does expect though is "Match Reports" to be written by someone who actually attended the game. Tony Butcher obviously got so far along the M62, pulled into the Services, finished as 12 pack of Barley Wine and let his overactive imagination relate a version of events at the Deva that might appeal to un-enlightened and partisan souls within the Grimsby community. There is something to be said for the lack of cohesive football being played by Chester - it is not attractive and we as fans would want a more structured passing game. However as they are unbeaten for 9 successive games they will be obviously picking up the World award for the most successful pub team in history as according to Tony that is what beat Grimsby on Saturday - a pub team.
Good teams, of which Grimsby patently are not one, are surely used to taking pub teams apart as they soon work out their limited strategy and employ tactics to nullify this and beat it. Truth is, Chester City were better on the day and did not actually perform some robbery on a par with Dick Turpin in his heyday. If you want better football then support a Premiership side - with all the nasty, selfish ideology and smug richness that comes with it.
The Deva Stadium itself may not be up there with the Palace of Westminster or Old Trafford but it is clean, safe and meets all the requirements of the Taylor report. It is not a rotting anachronism from a bygone age. Which reminds me strangely of.........Tony Butcher who I presume will be sucking his gums in backstreet local over a pint of "Grandads Garden Spade" and a packet of pork scratchings.
"Objectivity" Tony - look it up and then apply it to your "Match Reports" - oh and by the way - being there is a requirement.
Sounds like you're suffering from a bit of blinkered and clouded subjectivity yourself, Jim. I can verify that our Tony was indeed at the Honda Saunders Stadium for the match, though I bet he wishes he wasn't. [Sub Letters Ed]
Sean Cunnington - any idea where he is now please?
Answers on a postcard, please, readers. Yeah, all right, Jackson… answers on an email, please. [Sub Letters Ed]
Wasn't it P J Proby whose trousers famously split on live TV not Tom Jones ? Sorry to be sad and pedantic.
Pete says: "I've got no idea really. I was hungover and pushing a deadline". I think it was both, though. Tom, PJ, if you're reading, please let us know. [Sub Letters Ed]
A load of old bollocks
Subject: Cod Almighty feedback: dean gordon song
dean gordons magic
hes hung like a babys arm
when attackers run at him he likes to cause them harm,
he scored against northampton, he'll score against scunny too
the odds of a deano hatrick only 5 to fukin 2.
Terrible. Go and join Rich Mills at the back of the class. [Sub Letters Ed]
"Giving jobs to monkeys" says one of the taglines on Cod Almighty. A
bit like the American electors then.
Are you Readers' Digest in disguise?
Subject: Your Grimsby Town fan site has been nominated
Your Website, Cod Almighty at www.codalmighty.com/ has been nominated as a top Grimsby Town supporters site in our new competition.
We'll be announcing the best Grimsby Town supporters website later in the season and its down to the votes of football fans on the web. The site with the most votes will go on to represent Grimsby Town in the final category of best overall fan site.
To be eligible to win the prizes on offer you need to add the appropriate link to your website, as detailed on this page: www.[what, do you think we were born yesterday?].co.uk where you will also be able to find the terms of the competition.
You could take home the first prize which is a signed team shirt and keep it for yourself or auction it towards your site running costs, whatever you decide I wish you good luck. If you win the Grimsby Town category you'll be able to proudly display the fact until next season. So get the link up today and get your web site visitors voting for your site.
Nominations are open until the end of December, votes are being counted already and the final overall winner will be announced in the last month of the season. So you have plenty of time to update your site if your planning to. Please note sites are looked at in terms of content as much as they are in terms of the design of the site.
What to do now:
1. Visit www.[oh, I don't think so].co.uk
2. Copy the text or banner code
3. Insert the text of banner code into your sites HTML.
4. Encourage your visitors to vote for www.codalmighty.com/
5. Sit back & cross your fingers that you'll be voted top Grimsby Town site
Dear [insert name of spammer here]: What to do now: 1) Actually look at Cod Almighty and count the number of banner ads; 2) Realise the error of your ways; 3) Stick your banner up your arse. [Sub Letters Ed]
I laughed my nostalgic head off when you described Chapmans Pond as
bottomless(it is you know),but did you know it also had a monster pike in its unending depths !(it has you know)
I knew of the legend about it been bottomless, but what about the other famous legend? Namely that a horse and cart fell into it and both sank without trace, anyone else heard of that one?
The Cleethorpes version of schoolboy common knowledge about Chapman's Pond (at least in the 70s) was that there was a dead horse at the bottom of it. This of course implies that we were a little better informed than Grimbarians, as we at least knew there was a bottom. Why this was supposed to be impressive/terrifying (compared to say, a living horse) I dunno. It all seems a long time ago now.
Verbal diary here
Where are the diaries then? Blimey, its a good job you weren't writing Ann Franks's diary, or the Germans would have won the war.
The Diaries, I think, can be found on the Diary page. I know, confusing, isn't it. [Sub Letters Ed]
I dug out my old photo albums and lo and behold, on John McDermott's 1960 stag night, (we remember it well), This is John waking up only to realise we had dressed him up in rags and crucified him!
I'll tell you ... he still doesnt live that one down even 44 years on ....
Macca's still playing well for a 64-year-old though, don't you think. [Sub Letters Ed]
Sort it out, Slade
Tony Butcher's report of Scummy game was spot on. Where has all the football gone ? It sure as hell isn't being played by our boys in Black and White. Early season looked so promising,but of late, the Town faithful have had to endure some pretty awful play.Sorry I just couln't bring myself to call it Football.
We all know they can get the ball on the deck and play a bit so
here`s hoping they soon do. Of course Saturday's abysmal show could have been due to the BLACK SOCKS... bah.
Don`t worry Cod Almighty, soon be back to a Friday night game.
Maybe now we've got that lot out of the way Letters Ed might sneak back in a bit more regularly. Drop him - and us - a line at firstname.lastname@example.org or use the feedback form.