Cod Almighty | Diary

Artell can't sleep 'cause his bed's on fire

6 August 2026

Come on in my kitchen it's gonna be raining outdoors. Not literally, your Guest Diarist has it on good authority it may never rain properly ever again. But that enigma, Robert Johnson, always seemed to find the words that encapsulate the moment. Blind David Artell, a natural bluesman, has his work cut out this week. The tragic loss of his top scout (sorry, Head of Recruitment), the badly timed exit of his number two and the impending sale of his top scorer (simmering all summer but suddenly boiling up) immediately ahead of the first competitive match of the season must make Artell's six day working holiday a distant memory. The man is so stressed and busy he needs to take solace in the blues rather than playing Psycho Killer on repeat.

What is Jaze Kabia worth? Any striker who hits the magic twenty goal target immediately jumps in value and desirability. I'd say, in today's market, the floor value is £500,000. Beyond that is very subjective. Kabia had a good season if you ignore the three months to Christmas. Which says to me he cannot carry a club to success as a lone striker. There are quite important parts of Kabia's game that need quite a lot of work (no, not just his penalty taking). That holds back his market valuation quite a bit. Let's hope the interested parties see enough player growth potential and are desperate enough to bid bigger. I think everyone wishes Jaze well but it might be helpful if someone took him on one side for a minute and told him the story of Icarus.

Not everyone will have had the time or the stomach to listen through the recent 51 minute Artell interview with Radio Humberside. Here are a couple of highlights: Artell wants us to win this season by bigger margins. A laudable objective, and if successful good for the blood pressure of the fans. Injuries were explained. Doug Tharme (hamstring) is three weeks away. Gardner has a little leg thing not connected to his season-ender (cotton wool job). Turi had a thing but is training again. Josh Andrews had a hip flexor strain but is starting training again. And, here's the kicker, Staunton dislocated his clavicle in some bizarre incident so is out for six weeks. The latter, perversely, makes our over-stressed manager's job a tiny bit easier as Sweeney becomes the first name on the teamsheet for a bit. See yer.