Cod Almighty | Diary

It's all gone quiet over there

25 May 2023

It’s all quiet on the Grimsby front, and I must say, I’m a big fan of it. I haven’t got the thirst for daily updates, especially when they’re like ultra-weak Vimto. We’re in this culture of finding things to say when nothing needs to be said. It even happens mid-season, when the local rag splices one interview into four ‘stories’ across several days, and then attempts to create intrigue by writing spammy click-bait noun phrases in their protracted headlines.

Gravel banding, fraise mowing and light scarification — not the titles of early 90s shoegaze albums but the action taking place on the Blundell Park pitch this week. The demand for perfect pitches has grown (pun intended) in recent years, now that every time you switch on the TV you see millionaires playing what my grandad used to call ‘tippy-tappy-walking-it-into-the-net’ football on immaculate pitches that would put Wembley’s famed carpet in the 1990s to shame.

However, your West Yorkshire Diary is one of those fans who thinks even the pitch adds character and charm to a ground. It’s about creating points of difference. I recently discovered there’s a rule against cutting the grass in pretty patterns. Football now says all grass needs to be cut vertically. It might not seem important in isolation, but it’s just another way in which the game is being sanitised.

Well, this has been a nice, gentle saunter on a Thursday afternoon, hasn’t it? The sun is shining, the players are resting, the pitch is changing… and our fans are still discussing Scunthorpe United. There are now well over two thousand posts on the Fishy thread — classic rubbernecking from the Mariners.