Cod Almighty | Diary

Tell me why I don't like Wednesdays

27 January 2021

Well, the reason I don't like Wednesdays is as follows; it's BOTB’s turn to write the diary, and we always lose on Tuesday nights. Except, of course, when the weather gods are angry, as they clearly were last night, leading to the postponement of the game due to a rainaggedon event at Barrow. All we need now is a month's suspension due to another Beast from the East, or a biblical plague of something yucky, and this farcical season will have to be abandoned. If anyone has any ideas on how to wind up those damn weather gods, let me know.

The weather gods weren't arsed about going all the way to Southend, who thankfully lost and remain below us in the table. Relegation hopefuls Stevenage drew 0-0, as they usually do. More on them later.

Deja vu, eh? Strong rumours abound that Paul Hurst is after Hereford's main strikerman, who goes by the name of Lennell John Lewis. You know, like the shop. Imagine the fun if he came here! We could call him "The Shop" and have tee-shirts made and that sort of stuff. Sources close to the club describe him as a hard-working striker, good at holding the ball up, but perhaps not the most composed in front of goal. Rumours also abound that a tricky winger called Alex Rodman might be on Hurst's radar, and also a big centre-forward called Omar Bogle. I'm also hearing whispers about a winger called Mike Brolly, who takes a good corner, and a goalkeeper called Nigel Batch who looks like he is being eaten by his own beard. Nothing solid yet. We will have to wait and see.

Controversial opinion time. You know in the old days when clubs had to apply for re-election? If you don't, it was the system until the mid-eighties whereby the bottom clubs in the League went cap-in-hand to a committee who decided if they could stay in the League, or be replaced by a young and willing non-League team whose ground was big enough and had shown some sort of ambition. Apart from being wide open to corruption, cronyism and general nefariousness, this system worked perfectly well. There would be no chance, for example, of good solid League teams like Notts County or Wrexham slipping into non-League, and equally no chance of bra-bothering freakshow Stevenage ever gaining entry. The League was full of League teams and the non-League was full of non-League teams, and everybody was happy. Well, the League teams were happy.

Has the new system done any good? This commentator says no! Non-League teams tend to do the same thing - have a few good seasons, then drift back into obscurity. Where art thou, Yeovil? Whist do you wander, Dagenham & Redbridge? Oh fuck off, Cheltenham! You're well past your sell-by date. Seriously, is there anybody in football who looks forward to a trip to Forest Green or Cheltenham? Games against former non-League nobodies are there to be endured and not enjoyed. You know there will be a small crowd, small facilities and if you win it will feel like beating nothing. If you lose it will feel like being stabbed in the heart with a corner flag. The re-election committee, being good men and true guardians of morality, possibly, would doubtless have let Wimbledon back into the League, and if MK Dons finished anywhere in the bottom five, their pleas for mercy would be ignored. I'd like to think.

Football, as I'm always banging on about, without a crowd isn't a proper game. The crowd is part of it. It's about tribalism, tradition, passion. Letting village teams into the League because they have the temporary backing of an eccentric millionaire, at the expense of well-supported, centurion clubs with large fan bases, has done nothing but dilute football.

Now the cynical amongst you may think I'm only saying this because GTFC are currently 91st in the League and in danger of once again being flushed into the non-League toilet. Well, yes, it is partially that. Obviously. But even if we were safely ensconced in the third division I'd feel the same way. If you were mid-table and looked down at the promotion candidates from the fourth flight, would you rather see Wrexham, Notts County and Stockport, or Forest Green, Salford and Cheltenham?

Alternatively, introduce three up three down, and let's have a free-for-all. Or cancel the National League. Please. Or, failing everything else, let's give the Shop another chance, or try winding up some of those over-sensitive weather gods. All suggestions welcomed.

PS my prediction for Stevenage on Saturday is 0-0.