Cod Almighty | Diary

I'm not retired, I'm just lazy

14 January 2026

It recently came to my attention that some diarists write their piece the night before it's actually due. Came as a bit of a shock to me, actually. I suppose most of them have day jobs, as opposed to me, who is retired. No, hang on, not retired. Lazy. It's a fine line.

But, for reasons I won't bore you with - I've plenty of other ways to do that -  I'm writing this on Tuesday night so if anything happens in this (by the standards of previous years) thrilling transfer window over the next 16 hours it won't be acknowledged. 

So where to start? I liked the Western Supermayors. Fantastically fit and completely dedicated to the cause, I suspect they will head proudly into the Bananarama at the end of this season. Oh, what the hell, put your house on it. Go on, don't be a cissy. Watching the highlights I was struck by the Town defending for their second goal. It really does bear repeated viewings if only for comedy reasons. At first glance it looks like a slick set-piece routine that undoes our Mighty stripes but the more you watch it, the more you realise you are witnessing one of the worst pieces of defending ever seen by a home team at Blundell Park. And I've been going for a while and could tell a story or twenty.

In case you can't remember, a Mayor passes it sideways to another Mayor who chips it to the far post. At this stage several Mayors run into the area hoping for a knock down. The strange thing is our entire right side of defence, for reasons I find unfathomable, decide not to go with them, but to participate in a purely observatory capacity. The end result is there is a triad of Mayors strolling into the box unmarked with mischief on their minds, any one of whom could have scored easily, and one of whom did. 

Of course, we won, so I can laugh about it. If we had lost I would have been spitting teeth. Football eh? Cuh dear. 

So who has crept in and out the transfer window of destiny? As I write we have the Andy Cooks from Bradford, and Sellars-Flemings from Hull. The latter is described as fast, strong and brave, and he has the added advantage of being able to sell us some Flemings if supplies get low. Very little, of course, needs to be said about Cooks, who used to play for us, went to Bradford and became a footballing folk-hero, and has now, at the age of 63 and with retirement looming, a-come back to Blundell Park for a glorious homecoming. Hopefully. 

Will they be any good? Who knows. Footballers often seem to hit tremendous form at the right club and do nothing elsewhere, and, um, vice versa. For example, I've done nothing special for Grimsby Ancient Mariners Over 50 Walking Footballers, but if I'd played for Liverpool I might well have become a legend. It's all about the right fit. At least Cook is what we've needed for some time - a  strong bloke who won't get bullied by defenders and who 'knows where the goal is'. When playing as a striker for Ancient Mariners I need someone to tell me where the goal is, and even more importantly, that there are TWO goals and I'm only supposed to be aiming for one per half. It might seem a simple game to spectators but it can be remarkably complicated when you're out there in the heat of the contest. 

Another home game in the cup, against the Ahoooooooo Werewolves Of London, means that our astonishing run of lucky draws continues. What is more, this weekend we are visited by the Dodgy Barnets on Saturday followed by the Northern Soulfords on Tuesday (That's actually been postponed again. Do keep up. Ed). We've had so many home games this year, my wife would suspect me of having an affair if I wasn't old with a face like a shed door. Indeed, I've done a quick count up and we've had 25 home games so far this season and only seven away. Unbelievable figures. Doubtless your worthy Thursday and Friday Diarists will deal with the match preview, said BOTB, getting himself off the hook and going for a nice lie-down. 

So, to summarise. Wolves circling. Old legend returns. New legend hopefully arrives. Home games galore. Jumpers for goalposts. Isn't it? 

In the meantime., here is a little something to get you in the mood for the Dodgy Barnets on Saturday.