Cod Almighty | Diary
A watched man never plays
13 May 2024
Fear not our fine and fabulous friends, readers and countryman, please remain seated, keep calm and carry on screaming. Your usual Monday Mariners balm hasn't followed young Mr BOTB into early retirement, we're simply freshening things up with a bit of squad rotation and cultivation. Yes, we're rotovating our roster, just like the pitch. Consider your Deviant Diary as the necessary soil sander before the seeds of future football happiness are planted.
As we sink into summer we're left with memories of an unmemorable season and there be some among us fussing and fighting over forensic foresight and hypnotic hindsight, lamenting last year's lost lads with an Orsi-Orsi data-led balloon debate. C'mon, it's not difficult, we can work it out: a mill cannot grind with the water that is past.
What's more: what's done is done; horses for courses; square pegs don't fit in round holes; wrong time, right place; for a little learning is a dangerous thing and a little loving goes a long-long-long-long way. What's the point of all this? Time told whether Hurst was right or he was wrong. All this hoo-haa over last year's spilt milk fills time with no purpose other than filling time, for we have much time to fill at the moment and we're left watching grass grow. Is this a metaphor or an allegory? Perhaps the moral of this non-story was simply: don't change Orsis in mid-stream.
So who's going to be sneaking up the ladder behind Mansfield and the Moneybags? Will it be Crawley, will it be Crewe? We'll just have to wait and see as they're both going to Wemb-er-lee, which means we definitely have to go back to Doncastery. We don't have to go to somewhere unmentionable, although the players do. What lessons are to be learned? Better red than a season that's dead? Good riddance to either, there's always a positive in a negative.
Ah, now, we don't just have live-streamed grass growing to keep us occupied these days, oh no. The nearly newly new SNOS is dropping individual iced gems on to our (paywall-protected) plates. The latest ancient Mariner to sail in for a sentimental journey on Mariners TV is Captain Shins himself, Shaun Cunnington, restaurateur and raconteur renewing old memories. He loved his time here. There we are, just the basic facts.
And in international news Harvey Cartwright's been lifting lids in the 'Ull Daily Mail, another dwindling local newspaper scraping its own barrel of content filling. Harvey loved his time here. There we are, facts, basically.
There'll be more barrels coming along for our summer diarists to excavate, don't you worry. Das Euros, the EPL/SKY stitch up, a new Town kit, new Town players, new Town shareholders and, we can exclusively reveal, that after literally a couple of vague messages, there will be something written about something or other that may interest you a bit for a while sometime later on this summer.
People of the world we announce an upcoming collaboration between Cod Almighty and one of Britain's leading Town podcasts! Synergies! It's the modern way.
On that bombshell we end with a link to what, let's face it, is going to be the last time that That Stockport Bloke gets us to fill some of his content for free. You know, we're always happy to help when people ask.
In the meantime can you hear the grass grow?