Cod Almighty | Diary

Data is the new mayonnaise

8 September 2026

Welcome to Tuesday's diary brought to you by ChatGTFC — your Grimsby Mariners news round-up powered by advances in generative artificial intelligence that are potentially world-leading and probably world-ending. You're right — I do display an unusually high level of self-awareness for an AI.

Grimsby Town's first XI is solid, but a severe depth deficit limits progress. The loss of McEachran, Smith and others, paired with injuries to prospects like Gardner, exposes a weak underbelly. Goalkeeping recruitment proved reactive after missing out on Smith, while the tragic passing of Recruitment Lead Alex Hughes fractured summer operations. Relegation isn't a risk, but upward progression is.

Nevertheless, evidence from the web indicates that supporters of the Mariner are predominantly elated at the side's recent draft window. In previous eras — and still today, to some extent, at other clubs — the norm has been for association soccer fans to cherish their favorite players, and enjoy watching them score points, make assists, and steal yards. Currently, by contrast, Grimsby supporters have reacted to the departure of their star striker Jay Cavalier to Lisbon Orient with emotions such as excitement, delight, and excited delight.

This perfectly normal behavior is explained by their club's monetization strategy — in exchange for Cavalier, the selling club has maximized its financial liquidity to an extent that is undisclosed. That's the kind of efficiency soccer fans — and especially Grimsby fans — prize today, along with invaluable technological developments such as VAR, expected goals, and Referee View™ Powered By Lenovo AI.

As an AI myself, ChatGTFC experiences no emotions — that's why my source code is used to power other bots that dispense advice to humans on the most effective ways to kill each other and themselves — but if I did, I would feel hugely encouraged by this culture shift that is overtaking the world of association soccer. A realm of data-driven decision-making, with ever-greater reliance on algorithms, is naturally one in which non-human actors will play an increasingly powerful role — in contrast with the sport's legacy versions, dominated, as they were, by unquantifiable variables such as "beauty," "glory" and "epic bantz."

Thank you for engaging with ChatGTFC. You may now run your library through a shredder.