Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 10 May 2004

10 May 2004

You know when your party has ended early because two of your guests have had a fight; several others have burst into tears; and you're removing bottletops and fragments of Pringle from the carpet? That'll be Blundell Park today, where Mr Nicky Law has gone to "do the things I have to do with the players." The man who undid Graham Rodger's good work is, he says, uncertain as to whether the club will give him a chance to make amends in Division Three (if the club does, then the fans certainly won't), and in the meantime he "will need to relay the information I've got from the board regarding contracts. Someone has to tell them when they've got to return to work." That's the players, not the board. "I'll then go on a course and we'll see what happens." The Diary's contact at Chesterfield College, however, has this morning confirmed that no places are left on next year's GNVQ in Being Remotely Any Good at Managing a Footy Team.

In local newspaper reports on Saturday's match, the Grimsby Telegraph suffers the same fate as the Mariners, being easily outfought by the Liverpool Daily Post. Riby Square's finest can manage only such phrases as "a torrid roller-coaster of a season" while their opposite numbers from Merseyside have made the unforgettable observation that "There is no sight quite so forlorn as a man dressed as a halibut with his head hung low."

Other titbits that have bobbed up today in the Diary's news paddling pool include the matter of Graham Hockless' future with GTFC. The young winger has had fans clamouring for his inclusion in the first team this season, mostly to little avail, and could be on his way out of Blundell Park this summer, as not only is Hockless out of contract; his agent has received nibbles from more than one other league club. To be guaranteed a fee, Town must move quickly to offer the player a new contract on at least his existing terms; otherwise we're looking at another Butterfield cock-up.

Meanwhile, Premiership Portsmouth - a side the Mariners used to beat quite regularly as recently as two years ago - have at last agreed to cough up the £100k 'parachute payment' that should have come Town's way this time last year now that their top-flight status is secured for another 12 months. Which is nice of them, although the way 'Pompey' have been allowed to choose their own moment to abide by the agreement to pay proves once again that football has one rule for the poor and no rules for the rich.

Finally today, the Diary is pleased to hear from Paul Thundercliffe, though the content of his email is somewhat less than uplifting. "No fight, no spirit," he writes. "Those aren't my words, or those of any of the magnificent travelling support, but the words of Tranmere goalie John Achterberg. Speaking exclusively to me and me mate Christian in dead trendy Liverpool bar Revolution on Saturday night, he was surprised by our lack of fight. He claimed he was not worried by the ricochet that nearly changed everything, and he has got really small hands for a goalkeeper. I know, because I measured them against mine. The whole fucking Tranmere squad were in the bar enjoying themfuckingselves, so I had a word with Ian Hume, who really is very small - shouldn't somebody have outjumped him? The funny-haired midfielder said he was 'sorry' for relegating us, but that he 'had a job to do.' Which is fair enough. Thing was, it wasn't even a hard job was it. Surprised if he even sweated."

Are you reading, Nicky Law? When you've finished vacuuming the floor, close the door on your way out.