Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 24 June 2004

24 June 2004

A couple of decades ago, before graffiti became an 'urban' art form for 'da kidz', publishers used to issue books of humorous scribblings supposedly collected from real offices and toilets. They used to say things like "BUY BLITISH!", which was really funny, because that's how those peculiar foreign people talk, you see. Another thing they used to say was "To err is human - to really mess things up needs a computer," which your technophile Diary used to think was Luddite nonsense until this morning, when, of the six Lincolnshire derbies Town will play next season, the Football League's fixture-calculating software managed to place a grand total of one on a bank holiday. Yep - Christmas and New Year throw up clashes with Macclesfield, Rochdale and Cambridge, while Rushden visit on Easter Monday, and the August bank holiday sees Town renew their fierce and ancient rivalry with, er, Wycombe Wanderers. If you want the full list, you'd best hit the club's official website before the League's crack squad of paramilitary copyright enforcers drops a grenade down the Diary's chimney.

Mr Burns: "Who is that influential midfielder?" Smithers: "Michael Simpson, sir." And he's off to Leyton Orient. After being released by Wycombe, the player is widely believed to have had a natter with Russell Slade about teaming up with Stacy Coldicott to form the most formidable midfield duo in the bottom division but has instead remained down south, like some kind of slack-jointed sipper of beer mixed with lemonade.

Town fans in the mid-1990s were not fooled by Tommy Widdrington's tendency to stand around and point a lot into thinking that the badly-bearded, skill-devoid waster was possessed of some kind of leadership ability; and nor were his teammates. Over in Macclesfield, though, they seem to be a bit more easily convinced, and the town's seemingly desperate football club side has handed 'Widdo' not only a new one-year contract but with it the captain's armband. "Hopefully I'm experienced enough now to do a good job as captain," the overpriced midfielder has told the Macclesfield Express, which declines to add whether he can pass a ball yet.