Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Wednesday 16 June 2004
16 June 2004
Today's Diary, as always, is far from 100 per cent sarcastic. Bitter, cynical and snide as hell, perhaps; but if this column were based on sarcasm then it would say things like: "Ooh, that BBC Humber website is really good, isn't it!" Which it doesn't. Well, not often. Incidentally, you get some really clever people on messageboards, don't you.
Russell's Daily Update, the new Diary-rivalling feature on Town's official website upon whose every word supporters increasingly hang, reports that the "new face" expected to be unmasked at Blundell Park today like a Scooby Doo villain will not now be shown to the world until tomorrow morning. The consolation prize for you pesky kids is that fresh fizzogs will be "at least one" in number, so that'll probably be Michael Simpson plus one from Tim Sills, Colin Oojammy-Fella and Ashley Thingummajigglybob.
"There's plenty more fish in the sea!" That's what the Diary's mum used to say every time I got dumped by Michelle Stewart in the fourth and fifth year of senior school. "What do I want to snog a fish for?" was my habitually ungrateful reply. These days, of course, there aren't even plenty more fish in the sea, because those wicked swarthy Icelanders and Spaniards have caught them all (that's sarcasm), but Town's immortal inflatable Harry the Haddock has risen from the flames of the overfished seabed like an aquatic phoenix and will soon be available for purchase in the club shop once again. Plough Lane, FA Cup bananas 1980s yuppies Maggie Thatcher, Ronald Reagan isn't he? Wasn't he? He isn't any more. Marvellous.
Over to the Diary's lunchtime postbag, then, and it seems I'm not the only one to still have issues with a certain Sunderland winger. "I wonder if Greg Young was tempted into signing a new deal," writes Miles Moss, "by the prospect of playing in a shirt with his name on the front and back of his shirt. Lee Sharpe had a similar experience at Man Utd some years ago when they were sponsored by his electrical-goods-manufacturing near-namesake; John Oster meanwhile is reportedly considering a deal with Norwegian side Lillestrom, a team sponsored by trampoline and syringe manufacturers Jumped Up Little Prick."
Finally today, then, Mailer-DAEMON has emailed the Diary to say: "Unable to deliver message to the following address(es). steve@gtfc.co.uk: Sorry, I wasn't able to establish an SMTP connection. (#4.4.1) I'm not going to try again; this message has been in the queue too long." Well, they say season ticket sales are going well; imagine how much better they might do if (a) it took less than 15 minutes to find an email address on Town's official website to request an application pack; and (b) said address didn't bounce back your email.