Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 3 June 2004

3 June 2004

First up, apologies from the Cod Almighty team for the slightly eccentric behaviour of this website for the last few hours. Emergency server maintenance, apparently; and perhaps our web hosts could learn a lesson or two from the Mariners, because with the Blundell Park injury list having given GTFC the appearance over recent seasons of a lower-league Tottenham, the club has announced a complete overhaul of its physiotherapy set-up. My God, that's a quality link.

So Paul Mitchell has left after a decade of applying sellotape to the likes of Richard Smith and Alan Pouton; and Stacy Coldicott's groin will now be lovingly attended to by staff at Grimsby College's Bargate Fitness Suite. Town chairman John Fenty - sorry, I mean major shareholder - insists that the moves are not to save money, telling the Grimsby Telegraph (or This is North Scotland, or This is Cornwall, depending on its mood): "We aim to have the fittest side in the division next season." The Diary trusts entirely that the college's physiotherapy students are further advanced in their learning than that trainee barber out of The Simpsons is in his.

Contrary to earlier reports, Town young 'un David Soames, far from being released, has signed up for another year, with his excellently named comrade Ashley Hildred sticking his name down for six more months at the Theatre of Fish. "Soames is a young pacy striker with an eye for goal," explains the club's official website, "who made a scoring start on his first-team debut at Derby County a couple of seasons ago." That's 'debut' in the sense of 'fourth appearance', obviously.

The OS, bless its little cotton javascript animated advertisements, adds that John Fenty is to do one of those question-and-answer things on the site, where fans send emails saying: "Where's this new ground then, Mr Chairman?" and the chairman replies: "Your guess is as good as mine, pal." I'm paraphrasing slightly. Fenty has also been spotted at a prestigious local salon having his hair dyed grey and at a car dealership enquiring after the availability of the personalised registration plate PF1.

Crystal Palace right-back Danny Butterfield is the focal point of a vitriolic letter to the Grimsby Telegraph from Stuart Rowson, once of this parish. The former Telegraph journo, who was banned from Blundell Park in 2003 over his part in the Ambulancegate scandal, has pointed out Danny's cracking display for Palace in the first division play-off final last weekend and reminded us that the player was allowed to leave on a free two years ago. I don't think it was so much that the Town hierarchy didn't rate him, as that they didn't know the rules about his new contract offer having to equal or better the terms of his old one, and he was bloody useless when Lennie Lawrence used to play him in central midfield. Still rubbish management at BP, but a different kind of rubbish management, maybe. You still reading, Stu? How's Hull?

Lastly today, CA's resident statto Andy Holt has put numbers aside for a while and turned to Dictionary Corner for his email to the Diary. "Many people consider that anagrams are a spooky indicator of personalities, circumstances or other such nonsense," writes New York City's biggest Mariners fan. "I don't, but thought I'd have a look at what I could make of our supposed new manager's name anyhow. And look what I came up with. Very apt given two successive relegations: U LESSER LADS." Now that gives the Diary something to fill the summer with...