Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 8 July 2004

8 July 2004

If there was one thing you could rely on GTFC for when the Diary was a young boy, as yet untutored in the arts of long, unwieldy sentence construction, it was a good cup run, but in recent seasons the Mariners' form in knockout tournaments has been pretty much as miserable as in the bread, butter and Marmite fare of league competition. After some rich bloke from a brewery took some balls out of a plastic tub this morning, Russell Slade's first chance to put this to rights will probably arise on Tuesday 24 August, when nouveau-riche second-tier Wigan are expected to provide the glamour at Blundell Park in the first round of the 2004-05 League Cup (thanks to some corrupt UEFA-type seeding system that means bigger clubs like Derby and Sunderland don't have to play each other so they can all get further in the tournament and get even bigger). It definitely will be Wigan, I mean; they're just not sure yet whether it'll be on the Tuesday or the Wednesday. Come to think of it, Town are probably waiting to see if Cheltenham ring up and ask for it to be moved to 4:18 on a Sunday morning.

Clearly shaken to its electronic foundations by the vitriol spouted here yesterday on the subject of Town waiting to see if Cheltenham ring up and ask for matches to be moved to 4:18 on a Sunday morning, the club's official website is attempting to cast the Diary as a lone eccentric, gibbering unintelligibly to itself like that old bloke in the red beret who used to hang around Top Town library, by running a poll that asks visitors: "Should the Mariners play their games on a Friday night?" At the time of writing, however, this stunt has misfired spectacularly, with 73.6 per cent responding in the negative and just 26.4 per cent in favour. I rule.

Former GTFC transfer target Tim Sills has confounded Bristol Rovers' imperial ambitions by signing a new two-year contract to stay with Aldershot, which is nice, and four new trialists are bringing their paces to Blundell Park to be put through, reports Town's OS. Paul Riley is a 21-year-old Notts County defender who scored three times in about 25 appearances last season; Kevin Nicholson a young Notts County midfielder who went on loan to Scarborough last season (there seems to be some kind of pattern emerging here); Marvin Robinson a Chesterfield reject and 24-year-old forward whose League goals total an unimpressive nine, although they are impressively spread across four different clubs; and big, hot, six-foot-something striking prospect Darren Watson, superficially at least, the only real cause for excitement as the scorer of some impressive goals for Margate in last season's Conference. Ooh, and Denis D'Amico might come back from France to trial some more, so rather than being rubbish he might have just popped home to discuss philosophy over vin rouge and croissants.

Slade's old stomping ground of McCainborough is similarly bubbling with happenings this week, like a great big deep fat fryer filled with news chips. Club captain Scott Kerr, who a few weeks ago found himself at the centre of an exciting tapping-up controversy involving the Mariners, has signed a new contract, while former Town and Boston left-back little Ben Champman... Champ Manager... Championship Manager... sorry - Chapman - has arrived for a trial. The Seadogs/Seasiders/Salty Old Seamen have also been hit by the FA with a massive £600 fine for "failing to control their players" during a big scrap in a game against Morecambe in about 1991, probably about which town has the nicer beach. Which, the Diary is saddened but compelled to observe, can only bode ill for the prospects of Tony Crane learning to tackle the other team's players instead of lamping them.

Finally, Simon Wilson has emailed the Diary to say: "Don't blame me for England losing against the Windies. Blame the lacklustre English bowling attack." Tell you what, Si - I'll compromise with you and blame Thatcher.