Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

27 November 2019

Grimsby Town 0 Cheltenham Town 0

Strictly from a Town fan's view, there's really nothing else to do. What? Read a book or write a letter? Surely things are getting better. Looking round and I can see 2000 people just like me here in Limboland, our stately home.

One day there will be a moment of clarity. One day.

This is the land of lost content, we see it shining plainly in the floodlights. I've got just one thing to say to you John. Are you glistening, plastic seats?

Town lined up in the new normal 4-3-3 formation as follows McKeown, Hewitt, Waterfall, Davis, Gibson, Whitehouse, Clifton, Hessenthaler, Green, Hanson and Rose. The substitutes were Russell, Öhman, Pollock, Starbuck, Robson, Cardwell and Ogbu. Little Harry dropped anchor allowing the Hess to windsurf and Whitehouse to dive for pearls. Is it worth it? There's so many rumours spreading around town. Someone said that people get bored of Town's constant rebuilding.

Cheltenham turned up in snazzy, jazzy blue. Further words are redundant. They just were.

At least it wasn't cold.

First half - Flinders keepers

The blue-blue Robins kicked off with a blob-blob-blobbing long lump towards the Pontoon.

A tickle up the left and Rose roasted Tozer, who was forced to use his charm to end this zither-zaggering swagger. Hess drooped the free kick longly, Waterfall arose beyond the far post and Flinders finger-flipped finely over. Ooh, that's nice, a thing, happening.

Arms wrestled, mortars pestled. Rose swished, swingled and swayed through, round and through Tozer again and again. Passes were knocked, crosses were blocked, corners were mocked away and Broom ran and ran and ran and shot straightly at McKeown.

Snoozing, whoozing, Town suddenly cruising south. A corner cleared and Green neared. Flinders plucked and teeth were sucked. Who can cling to the ramblin' Rose? Not Tozer. The Jamaican jinkster rattled across the pitch and riffled lowly from afar. A corner off blue toes. Things, somewhere, possibly. Off they ran and Gibson chested their slinky cross away for a throw-in. Big blokes, big chucks, momentary moments of concern and slaps were dashed.

Little Harry irrepressible, slithering slyly to Rose to turn and burn his marker. Alas the pass was tip-toed away and they roamed into the deserted ocean. Whitehouse set off a flare, Davis was seen sending out an SOS to the world. Waterfall was hoping someone got his message in a bottle. Hewitt: more loneliness than any man can bear. Relax, we still have our own lifeboat. Jamie Mack swept out to sea to scoop off Broom's toes.

Whitehouse long wellied. Calm down, Flinders palmed down. Corners, crosses, corners again. Gibson noodled back in to the blue blancmange, Flinders smothered Whitehouse once, snaffled Whitehouse twicely. Flinders slapped, Flinders tickled, Davis and Green were smothered in blue. Into 'em, into 'em, Town got into 'em as Rose was thwarted by assorted blueness near the goal line. Gibson tinkled his Premiership ivories and Whitehouse stepped inside, outside, and Flinders fabtastically flickered the flashing blade over and aside. Flippin' Flinders, how do you think he does it? I don't know. What makes him so good tonight?

Two minutes were added to make up for their inability to cope with the sea air and Little Harry's smasheroon agonisingly swerved across the face of the corner flag. Did it have to end? We were enjoying that.

The Blue Meanies worked extremely hard to stop Town scoring with only the flying fingers of Flinders and occasional flinging fire blankets saving their banana skins.

Town weren't missing, Cheltenham were stopping them scoring. Nice.

Second half: out on a limb

Cheltenham replaced the barely remembered, barely noticed Clements with Sean Longthrow at half time, putting on a right-back to deal with Rose. Within a minute Rose was dealt with, dumped and slumped in the middle of nowhere.

Longthrow threw long and thanks for all the fish.

Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi. Out!

Hanson straight shot at Flinders, no problemo. Rose bumpled a half-volley into the ground and into the arms of Flinders.

Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi. Out!

Cheltenham stepped on the recycled cooking oil and McKeown punched a cross away. Deflections, suspensions, no cruel intentions and Rose ran away with the Milk Tray.

Woah, hold your horses, on the hour Hanson sat down holding his haunches. On came Ogbu. Who knows what will happen now? Especially Moses.

Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi. Out!

Barrel-chested Reid barrel-organed through the Christmas Market and collywobbled a wibbly-dibbler wayly wide and widely high. Why? Because graded grains make finer flour.

The game stodged as the bluesmen got into their groove, enervating Town's effervescence. Davis was booked as little sub Addai overhit a dribble straight to Waterfall just outside the penalty area. The free kick was wonderfully awful. Long chucks chucked long, short chucks chucked short. Crosses, heads, heads, crosses. Pressure. Just words, nothing of substance emerged from blue.

Or monochrome. Town huffed and puffed and ran out of steam. Hewitt crossed, Ogbu cushioned and, well, there's nobody home. There's gonna have to be a different man. Ch-ch-changes were made, Robson came on for Whitehouse. Err, yeah. There we are. Mmm.

Doobi-doo, Scooby doo, where are you? With five minutes left Town moved to the Triple Harry Point as Cardwell replaced Rose. Biggest Harry won a header, scrimpled a shot and generally pepped things up. Ah yes, facts. That shot. Cardwell roamed, rocked and rolled to drimble a low 'un to the near post. Flinders safely scooped. Facts are facts.

Four minutes were added and they had the cheek to have another shot. Addai drifted across wiggling toes and swiped a drifted beyond the far post. Or it may have been Broom. They all look the same don't they, you just can't tell one small man from another.

Satisfyingly disappointing - another decent display in a humdrum, normal and average game of football. The draw was the least Town deserved and the most Cheltenham deserved.

If it wasn't for that pesky keeper we would have gotten away with the three points.