A rough guide to... Southend United

Cod Almighty | Article

by Tom Sargent

18 November 2021

Crazy chairmen, trains out at sea and journeymen footballers. Introducing Southend United.

How are you?

Not feeling too good but trying to be optimistic. Shrimpers don't see eye to eye with their chairman, Ron Martin. Many blame his alleged mismanagement as the principal reason for Southend's tumble down the pyramid. Martin even found the time to swear at a supporter during a recent fans forum. Their fanzine All at Sea is definitely worth a look.

We must stop meeting like this...

Southend arguably kick-started our own descent back into non-League by briefly stalling their own when they beat us 3-1 at Roots Hall last December. Fortunately, we had the last laugh as we finished 23rd.

How are you feeling?

The Essex boys are trying to hard to look on the bright side of life. Club legend Kevin Maher has taking the reigns in the dugout and former player Stan Collymore has come on board as a senior football strategist (I don't know either). Approval has been given local for a new stadium - Fossett's Farm - however with a proposed capacity of 21,000 you wonder how the club might fill it, especially if their poor form continues and they drop into the Bananarama South.

Where are you from?

Esssssseeeeeexxxxxx wahey! Southend sits on the north bank of the Thames Estuary and is pretty close to London. Southend-on-Sea as it officially goes is home to the longest pleasure pier in the world. In fact, it's so long it has its own railway. Yes. 

Pre-Match factfile


Southend have only won one of their last five league outings.

Last time

We last met in January when we played out a quite memorable 0-0 draw.


Lower-league journeyman Rhys Murphy is the Shrimpers current top scorer with six goals. That's more than half their total in the league so far this season so we'd best keep an eye on him.

Ex-Town factor

Nobody in their current match day squad has played for the Mighty Mariners.

Rivalometer – 5

Given the size of the club and their potential to be contenders as this level we ought to be wary of a resurgent Southend. The geographical proximity and their start to this season somewhat tempers this potential divisional rivarly though.