Cod Almighty | Diary

Not now John

27 May 2022

Hark, I hear the foe advancing!

Have you strapped yourself in yet? Have you got stars in your eyes? Tomorrow, Matthew, your Deviant Diary shall be travelling west incognito, incommunicado and invisible to the local scruffians.

If you're one of the Townites with tickets, keep your head down, keep it tight: we gotta get out of that place, if it's the last thing we ever do.

Ah yes, The Racecourse Ground, home to iconic Mariner moments of yore, and occasional ironic yawns. It's…it's…Glen Downey! And, there, adding colour, it's the genesis of the Parslow Point. Do they expect us to treat them with any respect?

Hey-hey kids, the Wreckers are worried and wobbling between bullish bravado and mental meltdown after watching the County show. And they can't polish their FA Trophy medals and sharpen their sunny Californian smiles after their Wembley woe.
Just one question: has Phil Porkinson simply constructed the most expensive pub team ever? Oof, banter!

BT's in raptures as Hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow, but Blundell Park is silenced by meddling bureaucracy, so you can't have a satisfying communal boo-athon at Virtuous Virgo. There's no big screen for the big game 'cos they can't trust the serfy oiks to behave. You'd only throw your beer out of the pram, or break a swing or something. I have no idea who "they" are, but it's all their fault, obviously.

Ooh, tomorrow then. You want team news? They have loads of big blokes, we don't. There's a couple of mystery hobblers in the Town squad to fret about.
There's nowt you and I can do about it, so stop fretting and don't pay attention to the betting. We'll either win or we won't, but Stockitts and Petwood won't throw the laddie out with the bathwater. Pauly Hursty? He bathes in asses' milk and floats serenely through life. Been there, done that, wears the same polo shirt. More Mr Quippy than Mr Snippy these days.

Anything else? York want Lennie and his enormous beard. That's nice.

You want pride, you want passion to launch you into the Le Big Weekend? Sure, sure, we could give you purple prose and paint pictures with poetry but just listen to Shaun Pearson, the perfect personification of Marinerdom.

Whatever happens tomorrow, we are Town forever.