Cod Almighty | Article

by Michael Shelton

21 June 2022

Mike Shelton describes himself as a Grimsby Town tragic. For the last 12 or so years he has lived and worked in Leeds, but for four years he was at university in Durham and would occasionally contribute to Cod Almighty under his pen name, Durham Diary. These days he splits his time between counting other people's money and playing cricket badly (when the knees permit). He still follows Town in any way he can, although with his family having now also moved on from the Grimsby area he makes it in person to more away games than home ones.

Why are you a Town fan?
My dad was a vicar in Grantham in the early '90s. At one wedding he was taking the best man was a football player called Jimmy Neil, who was about to sign for a team called "Grimsby". Jimmy signed an order of service for my dad to give to me, Town became my team, and a few months later my family moved from Grantham to Waltham, thus sealing my fate.

Jimmy played only twice for Town before making a handful of appearances for Scunthorpe. He will have spent the last nearly 30 years blissfully unaware of the impact he indirectly had on my life.

Where was your first seat/standing position and where do you like to sit now?
I usually find a seat/standing spot at the back of the Pontoon. Football for me has always been more about "being there" and the people you watch the game with, rather than your view/vantage point.

What "should" be your team if you followed the family tree?
Dad was born in Leicester. Mum and I were born near Rotherham. Either would have been a really good choice, on reflection.

When we find ourselves in times of trouble do you have you a secret second team that you turn to?
Having lived in Leeds for 12 years, they are now the team whose score I look for second, but they don't give me the feels like a Grimsby win.

When did you first write anything about Town?
In my mid-teens I got really into amateur website design as a hobby, including some Grimsby-related content. When I reach inevitable prominence I'll have to pay someone a whole lot of money to deep dive and clean up my online footprint.

How did you get involved with CA?
Aged 15 onwards I had a season ticket with some friends for a couple of years in the back of the Pontoon, one row in front of the Cod Almighty guys. As a result we'd overhear their conversations and observations throughout the game. They seemed quite amusing. Little did I know…

Have you got any Cod Almighty T-shirts?
I have not, but I had two: I heart GY (I have no idea what happened to this) and a Super Clive one I carelessly left by a uni football pitch in Durham nearly 20 years ago.

How many Town mugs have you got?
I think my long-suffering girlfriend probably made sure they were 'misplaced' in the latest house move. Certainly the Mighty Mariner garden gnome arrived in a greater number of pieces than it had left the old place. The Christmas baubles somehow remain, however they always seem to find their way back on to the tree.

Who ate all the pies?
I fear that I probably did. Although at Kidderminster away that was a good thing.

Where's the oddest place you've bumped into a fellow Town fan?
In the queue for the bar at Melbourne Cricket Ground on Boxing Day of the Ashes Test seemed odd at the time due to the distance involved, although on reflection there were a lot of Brits present.

During Euro 2016 a friend and I watched France v Ireland on the big screen in a fan park in Nice, the day before the infamous England v Iceland game. I was wearing a Town shirt, and was approached by a middle-aged Canadian chap. The Vancouver Whitecaps had started a Twitter hashtag #gtfc (get the f-ing cup), established some common ground with the 'other' GTFC, and he and all of his mates had adopted Grimsby as their second team. It was very hot, I'd had a drink, it was all highly confusing.

Which Town player/manager have you found yourself near and where?
When he returned from West Brom, Alan (and Adam) Buckley moved into the house in Waltham next door to ours and lived there at least until I went off to uni. Next door but one the other way lived Iain Ward, who later broke through into the first team for our last season in the second flight.

Steve Meek, infamously, once helped John Shelton Fenty erect a gazebo. Have you got a John Fenty moment?
No, and to my knowledge we aren't related. Bill Carr's wife Josie was churchwarden when my dad took over as vicar at Barnoldby-le-Beck church. Does that count?

Where have you been the most miserable when following Town?
In December 2002 I scraped together the very last pennies from my paper round, which afforded me a coach ride to Walsall and back and a match ticket (though nothing left over for food or drink throughout the day). We were dreadful, somehow lost only 3-1, and as the second half wore on it became increasingly clear we were a team destined for relegation.

Where's the wettest you've been watching a Town game?
Barrow away, January 2012. I had been working in Manchester that afternoon and headed straight over from work. I had no umbrella, no coat, the terrace was uncovered and the weather was atrocious. The grey suit I was wearing was ruined and never worn again. Having seen Barrow equalise twice (the second time in injury time, whilst down to ten men) I splashed miserably back to my car, peeled off my sodden clothes and drove back to Leeds in nothing but wet boxer shorts with the heater on full blast.

Who is the best player you've seen playing in a Town match?
Objectively: Dennis Bergkamp. Though I have my suspicions that he may not count that game as the pinnacle of his career.

Have you ever walked around Chapman's Pond?
It's on the bucket list.

Are you bothered which division Town are in?
Less with each passing year. Although it's still true to say I preferred being little Grimsby winning away at "big" clubs in my teens, to the couple of times a year in the Conference we turn up with more away fans than there are home fans.

Do you care about the national team?
I do, and the trips to watch England away take me to some much more exciting cities than the trips to watch Grimsby away.

What or who did you get wrong?
Lots. I distinctly remember thinking Paul Warhurst was a fantastic signing for us. He wasn't. And I thought Mike Newell would be a really good manager for us.

Have you ever watched Town from the wrong end? How did you survive?
The best/worst one was Barnet away in 2015 (with the inflatables!). It was my sort-of-Barnet-supporting uncle's 60th birthday, and the family were all sitting together in the home end. We scored twice in injury time at the end of the game to win 3-1, much to the amusement of all the family watching me trying (and spectacularly failing) to contain myself. I was (politely, it must be said) asked to leave by a steward, which was utterly pointless since the Barnet fans had left en-masse.

Are you a forgiving soul? What is the longest Town-related grudge you hold.
I was supposed to be a ball boy for Grimsby v Man City in 1997 and wasn't. I'm still not over it.