Cod Almighty | Diary

If you're feeling sinister

12 October 2022

BOTB diary here, yet again cast into the midweek maelstrom by the cruel hands of fate, once again just failing to grasp the crucial issues of the day, Town-wise.

Yesterday's excellent Trentside Diary looked as though it might provoke a Twitterstorm though thankfully, like a Danny Boshell tackle, the potential row ended up not really amounting to anything. If it is any consolation to our right-wing reader, not everyone on the CA staff is a lefty do-gooder woke politically correct gender-neutral snowflake. I for example, while disliking the Tory party intensely, also have very little positive to say about an opposition party led by Shy Ronnie and desperately seeking public approval while failing to have any actual principles whatsoever. I think the world has become way too fond of performative bollocks, virtue signalling and an aggressive individualism that borders on out of control egotism. I also think Ryan Taylor's after-match interview on Saturday was worth the licence fee on its own, and have no desire to defund the BBC. Even though they are right wing, establishment, monarchy-bothering liars.

For those who missed it, I have reproduced it in an inaccurate and misremembered style below. The gist, however is very much present.

Interviewer: Well, Ryan, three points, a first home victory of the season, you must be delighted?
Ryan: Well, we take what we can from the game, three points and we will go onto the next few games.
Interviewer: What did you think of the performance?
Ryan: Well, three points, we’ll take what we can from the game and go onto the next game.
Interviewer: That disallowed Crawley goal was crucial, wasn't it?
Ryan: Yeah, but we take the three points and go onto the next few games.
Interviewer: And a third goal of the season for you, all at home, must have been pleased with that?
Ryan: Yeah, but we take what we can from the game, you know, its three points, and go onto the next few games.
Interviewer: If the Government scraps the so-called ELM agricultural subsidies scheme, what will be the consequences for UK biodiversity targets?
Ryan: Well, we take what we can from them and go on to the next few games.
Interviewer: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Ryan: Well, we take what we can etc. etc.

You get the idea. It's kind of unfair interviewing people after they've just spat their lungs out chasing a ball for 90 minutes while hairy bastards pull their shirt, kick them in the kneecaps and elbow them in the chops. I'm not sure I'd be able to say or think anything remotely coherent. However, I still remember Stan Collymore being interviewed many years ago, and the first lines of the interview ran something like this.

Interviwer: Well, Stan, manager Colin Murphy is obviously pleased with your form, he has been waxing lyrical about you in the programme notes!
Stan: Yes, well our manager is renowned for his literary pretensions.

Collymore set a high benchmark there and, sorry, Ryan, but you've fallen well short. Never mind, though. Take what you can from it and move onto the next interview.

A Twitter commentator last week claimed, in a thread about photographer Lee Blease, that the current Town owners have a "bigger and more dangerous agenda to the old town fan that many realise" (sic). I'm quite happy with a bigger plan but a more dangerous plan sounds really bad. I'm not sure I fancy being associated with something dangerous, let alone an agenda, at my age. The club did of course scythe the hedgerows along the boundary of the Cheapside training ground during the birds' nesting season in 2021. Very bad. But could it be something even more sinister than that? The mind boggles. Still, as every James Bond baddie knows, before the underground lair under a volcano can be built, henchmen hired and plans for world domination established, it's always best to start by buying a lower-league football club and improving the catering. Small steps, people. Small steps.

Finally, thanks to matchreportermeister Tony Butcher for summarising last Saturday's game with the word ‘cud’.

Why?

Because, dear reader, I can link you to to a video that never fails to make me smile and give me nightmares at the same time. Trigger warning! Oh hang on, that's a lefty do-gooder etc. etc. phrase. You’re on your own. If you don’t like it, take what you can from it and move onto the next few videos.

UTM.