Cod Almighty | Diary
10 Things I (Don't) Hate About League Two
30 April 2025
VFTF is back to soothe your nerves and pass the time ahead of Saturday's match against AFC Wimbledon. Yeah, you know, the last game of the regular season which will decide if we reach the playoffs or not. Yeah, the one where we absolutely need to beat the team with the meanest defence in the league in front of a full house. Yeah, that one - should be fun…
All the important stuff like remembering to release your ticket if you can't make it has been expertly covered already in other diaries. So, today's diary will focus on the positives should we be condemned to another season in the lowest echelon of the football league.
In a nod to everyone's favourite 90s teen romantic comedy here are 10 Things I (Don't) Hate about League Two:
1. Putting to one side the terrifying financial peril the club seem to consistently live in, there are advantages to us having lower attendances in this league. Won't it be nice to be able to park in your usual spot near the ground rather than searching forlornly down narrow side streets further and further away as the clock ticks towards kick off?
2. With less fans attending, the casual punter and his friends may even be able to find some seats next to each other in the stand of their choice without having to buy season tickets.
3. In recent years, a full house at Blundell Park has often correlated with an away win or draw. So, embrace the low crowds, the lack of atmosphere, the sparsely populated away end and bask in the glory of a more probable three points for the Mariners.
4. If we stay in League Two, we will be a team expected to challenge at the top and should win more than we lose. However, I do remember saying this when we were relegated from League One in 2004!
5. As the cost of living crisis continues to bite, remember that tickets for League Two football are generally cheaper than in the division above. Some clubs charge visiting fans up to £35 (thirty five pounds!) which really does begin to test one's loyalty and wallet.
6. It's definitely better than being in non-League where we were languishing for half of the last 14 or so years.
7. By not getting promotion it is less likely David Artell will be poached. Admittedly it will be more likely that our best players will depart, but for me replacing successful individual players is easier than replacing successful managers.
8. League One will certainly involve our neighbours Lincoln City and hopefully Hull City as well. Although it would be fun to renew acquaintances with the smaller clubs in the region, we may be a little early on in our development journey to actually beat them. Another year of continuous improvement would put us in a stronger position to thrash them and reassert our natural dominance.
9. Barnet being promoted from the National League has given us a potentially nice away trip for our hordes of fans in the South East and if York could join them via the playoffs, then the northern exiles get a similarly pleasant and easily accessible day out.
10. OK, 10 things was definitely overly ambitious. Other than perhaps a minor saving on stationery in the club offices I am stumped.
Being honest I thought of the title for this diary before thinking through the contents having recently rewatched the movie. For those who haven't seen it, 10 Things I Hate About You is an enjoyable modern day retelling of The Taming of the Shrew. The movie's most memorable scene is when the shrewish older sister, Kat, reads out her own version of Sonnet 141 also by the big Bard man.
Shakey's version was all about his desire for a woman who is obviously a wrong 'un, but Kat's emotional poem reveals her inner confusion and that, despite his flaws, she still loves the handsome bad boy, Patrick.
It's a fantastic piece of cinema, but like Shakespeare's oeuvre (and the panels on the side of the Upper Findus), I thought an update would be helpful. I have therefore realigned it so that it addresses my own complex relationship with the Mariners. With apologies to those who enjoy strict iambic pentameter, here we go...
I hate how much you cost me, and the way you often draw.
I hate the way you spoil weekends. I hate when you don't score.
I hate the Main Stand toilets, and when you concede in added time.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you can make me feel. I hate that you make me lie.
I hate it when you make my rivals laugh, even worse when you make me cry*.
I hate it when you're just unlucky, and I hate when you don't give your all.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
*this is a metaphor. I haven't cried about Town for weeks. Ask my mum if you don't believe me.
Anyway, back to fretting about Saturday now. Up the Mariners.