Cod Almighty | Diary

No-one sings the blues like Blind David Artell (slight return)

27 November 2025

I went to bed early last night, idly kept an eye on the football scores programme (the one where people tell you about matches they are watching but you can't see) and clicked on a link to get the latest interview from our manager. BBC Sounds said it was a six-minuter with Matt Dean. But once an Artell interview starts I always find myself transported into a weird half-world where time seems to stand still. I often press pause, after what seems like ages, only to find I am only two minutes in. Mr Artell is a great one for cod philosophy, qualification of every response and many variations of analogy. His specialist subject can be categorised as injury obfuscation. Doug? Well I've seen him on the grass. Cam? Yeah he's around, I saw him in the canteen. Jaydn? The lads are not allowed to tackle him. David knows they are all injured, he can say that. But he is blindly incurious about how long for. Is he really, or is this just an adopted defence mechanism to obstruct the local media?

In the old days when Dave Moore used to film a weekly injury update for us we were treated to an in-depth progress report on everyone. We were spoilt. Michael Boulding's tennis elbow? Two ibuprofen and a daily massage. Tony Gallimore's hangover? Two paracetemol, a big glass of water and a gentle rollicking. Young Hockless? Ooh he is coming on - running, twisting and turning, he'll soon be back. Did we need to know this? Did opposition managers tune in avidly to get the scoop on the weekend Town team? The answers are probably no and no. But I used to really enjoy actually learning something from the club's media output regarding the squad, so I miss it.

And last night I heard again (for the umpteenth time in a long two years) that our manager is trying to make things better. Trying really hard. And, implicitly, that communicating anything meaningful about who is likely to feature in the next match is out of bounds. Matt Dean is acutely aware of the questions fans want him to ask. And ask most of them he does. Even when he knows that alley is blind. He gets embarrassed, you can hear it in his voice, but he has to soldier on safe in the knowledge that another mini monologue on marginal gains is upcoming. We don't have to worry about results or league positions we just have to notice that the team are very slightly better every game. Put him and that Dave Brailsford in a room together and they'd be in there for a very long time I suspect.

McEachran has a one-game suspension. So Géza Dávid Turi gets a chance. Artell says one is a sweet, juicy, lovely orange and the other is an apple you can make cider from. Your Guest Diarist will leave you, Gentle Reader, to pick the bones out of that one.

I am not one to moan about Thursday night football. It's not like we have to miss Top of the Pops or The Newcomers because of it any more. Bring it on I say - I can't wait for kickoff and to stay up late after to hear more of the same as poor old Matt Dean has another go. See yer.