Cod Almighty | Diary

Arm the homeless

3 December 2025

The doldrums are, as we all know, the least exciting percussion instrument, yet here is BOTB trying to beat out a rhythm of GTFC news and gossip. 

It's nearly a week since the Tranmere Horror and we desperately need some new football memories to replace those it left behind. With our annual visitors Wealdstone coming on Saturday there is little chance of anything resembling joy on the horizon, because even if we win 5-0 it will still only engender a sense of quiet satisfaction. If we lose 5-0 there will be riots in the streets. There's no real path to joy in playing teams below you in the football pyramid. Even a last second winner would feel a little hollow, and would doubtless provoke the ire of Fishyland denizens complaining that it was ridiculous we needed a last-gasper to win in the first place.

After Wealdstone every game until the end of 2025 seems to be against Shrewsbury, except for the home defeat against Notts Co, and then it's the TRANSFER WINDOW. The TRANSFER WINDOW is of course the great midseason panacea in which all the teams' ills are sorted with the arrival of free scoring strikers, dominant yet cultured centre backs and goalkeepers who occasionally save shots.

Yes, we're missing chances and giving away soft goals every game but the TRANSFER WINDOW is approaching so there's no need to worry. That's the theory, anyway. In practice it normally means 30 days of the manager telling us he's been making a few phone calls and has plenty of irons in the fire, followed by one day of electric tension with the manager saying he's close to a number of deals, followed by us signing a midfielder called Jenkins from Oldham reserves at 11:59pm who's been injured for the last six months and has never scored a league goal. Look, I know I'm being cynical but we really need a win and its getting to me. 

Last week I got in trouble for not mentioning the Tranmere goalkeeper's hair, which is the nearest a diary writer ever gets to an open goal. Since his excellent display was mainly what came between us and the precious three points I was worried that to do so might be classified as sour grapes. Also, having a go at a player's appearance strikes me as being a low blow and quite beneath my dignity. If he wants a monk/coconut/Garfunkle/thatched cottage crossover that is entirely his own affair. Let's just have the dignity in defeat to commend him on his match winning performance and wish him the best of luck for the rest of the season. 

See you at the Wealdstone match. A quick shout out to Jase in the Pontoon who is also a huuuuge Wealdstone fan and will doubtless have mixed emotions whatever the outcome on Saturday. UTM.