Cod Almighty | Diary
Give us hell Quimby!
16 December 2025
Sean Ingle's excelllent article Football fans are idiots may be 20 years old but its message remains true. Daubney Diary puts his head on the same block to say, as a collective, we football fans are idiots singing from the same boring, unimaginative hymn sheet.
Literally in some cases, when you consider every fanbase proclaims to be different and superior to every other in the land yet sings the same songs to the same tune at the same time. Well, that's not quite true, we have our versions of All Town Aren't We (until the 83rd minute) and Grimsby Till I Die (or to 83rd minute whichever comes first). We think every "shithouse" is a cheating scumbag disgrace to the game and should be jailed or sent to Cheltenham, apart from our own shithouse, a lovable imp who every team needs and you'd let marry your daughter.
They are rows for another day. Today's is concerned with the section of the hymn sheet covering the reaction to a few bad results from fans who look up to Jamie Carragher and Rio Ferdinand as knowing role models.
What did their Mum, Dad or well meaning, but evil uncle tell them when they first took them to Blundell Park? My Dad apologised on the day itself and regularly thereafter. The most optimistic he ever dared be is clear from his go-to phrase after any run of good form such as a one game winning streak or three draws: "a few more points and we might be safe from relo". Being a Town fan won't get you girls and won't win you medals, and no one born in the last 90 years should have been told otherwise.
Now, of course, we don't want this to be the case. We have dreams. We want Town to be world beaters, or at the very least, division four play-off winners. But hopes and expectations are notoriously dangerous when mixed up. Heads explode and splatter all over terraces and the internet when the club they support with a 147-year lifetime win ratio of around one in three, only wins one in three. The team whose last league title was 45 years ago hovers in mid-table. Things are only going to get worse if dreams come true and next season we are fighting to finish 20th in division three and ruined Saturday evenings increase by about 27.35%. I can hear it now. Artell and 23 of the squad have found their level, Stockitts get your cheque book and get better in.
We don't have to wait that long for such cries with the looming January transfer window. Any rational squad builder would steer well clear of a time when good teams are keeping their good players and a small pool of possible signings is made even smaller. No matter, Town, a squad that was flawless and complete two months ago apparently needs wholesale changes. Out of form players need to be replaced. Because once you go off form you never, ever, recover. And all teams except GTFC are offloading their best players. And these players come with a magical guarantee never to lose their form. Demanding changes is much simpler than dying inside when a stripey makes another howler, but outwardly hoping that guys who have made good careers at a decent standard might sort out whatever temporary flaw they've been experiencing.
All told, we are actually doing quite well this season compared to recent years. Embarrassing tonkings are down by 100%. Greatest night in the club's history are up by 100%. There's a hint of the 2021-22 dip in results when McAtee was injured and an underperforming team was about to come good. We recognise all the faces in the honest, hard-working squad because they're willing to be on long-term contracts at the club no one wants to sign for, let alone long-term. They're coached by a bloke who appears to thoroughly decent and committed to the club and the area and has bestowed an attitude embodied by someone like Harvey Rodgers; not everything works out as planned but always trying to improve and grafting with a smile on your face. Not to mention the owners haven't been trying to diddle the club or been seen wearing dodgy sweaters whilst making their traditional Christmas speech sat side-arse on a billiard table.
Right, that's enough baiting done. Chop my head off if you like, it might make you feel better, but I'm not going to get sarky at my historically average football team for being average when it's obvious that everyone involved with it is striving for better. If you want to get annoyed channel your frustration at this monstrosity. See yer.